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To ask how to handle this situation? Relative visiting today

(12 Posts)
Halloweeniscomingmwahahaha Sun 15-Oct-17 10:24:56

NC so as not to out myself!

We are expecting a baby with a high risk of a few genetic syndromes. There's a good chance everything will be fine but a significant risk that that the baby could be affected - anything from mildly to fatally. We're of course thinking positively and just taking each test as it comes. That we were high risk is a shock to us.

Having not spoken to the consultants themselves, most family members are just saying "oh it will all be fine, why do you have to have other tests after the first ones" (because they are for different things) "doctors are usually wrong" etc and making me feel silly for worrying and then chattering excitedly about baby stuff.

I really do think everything will be ok and am trying not to dwell on it as want to give our DC the best chance in the world and keep calm for them but it's still been terrible news to have and the next few months' wait will be awful. I hate having my feelings belittled like this and although I don't want to disappoint relatives I just don't feel comfortable getting too excited yet in case we get terrible news.

We have a relative visiting later and I'm not sure how to handle this? DH is supportive but I think also doesn't really understand the risk

Spadequeen Sun 15-Oct-17 10:26:28

I would cancel the visit. You don't need the extra stress

Spadequeen Sun 15-Oct-17 10:28:14

Or tell them that you appreciate them trying to be positive but it's actually not helpful, they are not medically trained (unless they are) so are not really able to comment.

Think is still prefer the camel the visit

echt Sun 15-Oct-17 10:28:38

When did you get the news?

If today, then cancel. If some time ago then not.

AlternativeTentacle Sun 15-Oct-17 10:28:49

'We think it is best not to talk about it right now, lets pop into the garden/have a cup of tea/are you watching [whatever is on tv these days]/random subject change.'

Timeforabiscuit Sun 15-Oct-17 10:30:29

I'm so sorry, it sounds like a very rough time for you all - are you announcing the pregnancy to them or do they already know?

If you are adding the potential unknown diagnosis, I'd ask why do you want them to know? Would you appreciate their support, can they help in any way? If not, I wouldn't disclose anything medical until it was a certainty, but that's because my family are a well meaning hinderance!

MrsOverTheRoad Sun 15-Oct-17 10:33:08

As hard as it all is, I think the best thing is not to discuss it with them.

flowers

0hCrepe Sun 15-Oct-17 10:37:12

Say yes yes and then change the subject. People often shut up on a topic once you've agreed with hem.

Greenleaf54321 Sun 15-Oct-17 10:39:41

I agree with cancelling. Just say you understand that people are trying to be positive, but it isn't helping, and you would rather wait nd see

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 15-Oct-17 11:05:59

I'm sorry you've had worrying news about your baby 🌷 You sound like you're doing the best thing possible, you're being realistic, but calm & hopeful.

I don't think you should cancel the visit or you'll end up avoiding everyone!

I think people mean well. I don't think they intend to belittle your feeling & worries, I think they try to be positive. Some might not want to pry, others might not be able to understand what they're being told.

Try not to see it as being belittled, but being confirmed the only way they know how.

However, don't hold back from sharing your thoughts with them! TELL them whatever YOUR reality is. Tell them if you do/don't want to discuss the tests/prognosis/your worries. Tell them if their 'positivity' is unfounded and that YOU need people to accept the reality of the situation. Or whatever it is. ThIs is about YOU, their feelings just aren't important. Be as blunt as you need to be. 💐

MatildaTheCat Sun 15-Oct-17 11:41:57

Firstly,sorry you are having to deal with this very stressful situation.

Even if you don't cancel today's visit you are going to get this sort of thing throughout your pregnancy so it's best to have some stock comments ready.

Some possible examples:

'Thanks for your concern. We all certainly hope that all will be fine but the doctors haven't been able to give us complete reassurance. Cup of tea?'

'Thanks. We've decided not to discuss it as it's upsetting.'

'We've seen all the best people so now we just need to wait.'

'Fuck off and mind your own business.'

Best wishes to you. flowers

JaneEyre70 Sun 15-Oct-17 11:55:42

I don't think people try to reassure you out of unkindness, more a desperate need to try and make you feel better. Unfortunately, it doesn't help and I think the best action is to make a sad face and say "We're really not brave enough to talk about this today but thank you for your concern" and change the subject. As many times as you need to.

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