Crap hen do

[crumpledwand]

I want to apologise is advance for this it's more of a vent and I definatly know iabu as it is just a hen do and it happened last weekend so just need to get it off my chest and forget it but my hen do has caused me to come out in hives I have always reached very physically to stress and my hen do alone was more stressful then planning my entire wedding.

We has people dropping out left right and centre after deposits had been paid, hotels had been booked and tacky t-shirts bad been ordered. We went to a town about a 2 hour drive away... bridesmaid decided she didn't want to drive or pay for a train not many others could drove so I ended up driving myself and 6 others whilst everyone else had a drink and a good laugh I spend 2 and a half hours battling with the sat nav. Hotel was a total dive was over 100 a night and you had to wipe your feed on the way out and when i say disgusting I mean disgusting! We arrived pretty late in the day and was booked to see a show at 7 having had nothing to eat we didn't have time to switch hotels so we made do.

Okay so we all get ready to head off to our show then into town show was amazing! I couldn't fault it! It was a scream a minute it finished around 10 and one of my bridesmaids and her friend who she brought a long were off in the corner whispering about every one on the hen party then making excuses to go back to the hotel. They were also all over each other well her friend was being all over her it was awful to watch and I'm not homophobic at all but they are both very newly married to men. One of their husbands is actually a relative of mine so they buggered off and went back to the hotel this set the tone for a few others in the group who then decided they were going to try and score drugs!! I mean these are women with children and partners at home they were in a town they don't know and talking to complete strangers asking for drugs! In the end me, my mil, my other bridesmaid and a old work friend of mine went and had a couple drinks then headed back to the hotel and sat in my room for a while chatting this was around 12ish. I woke up the next day no hangover of course and drove every One home some of the group didn't even wait for others to wake up they just left and carried on back.

I know it's just a hen do and to be fair I'm just looking forward to marrying my partner and sharing our life but at the same time me and my other bridesmaid spent months planning and organsing the hen and it was a huge anti climax I feel so dissspointed. I've been on some brilliant hen dos and had such fun I didn't leave the bride to be on any of them either what's worse is that then bridesmaid who let me down so badly on my hen do has an amazing hen herself we made sure of it but didn't even get to dance on mine.

Apologies if this is really rambling as I say i really just wanted to get it off my chest my skin is so irritated as well please don't don't flame me too much I am really grateful to the people that did stick with me we had some lovely conversations esp me and my mil we bonded so much and we were already very close so I guess that can only be a good thing. I think I am most shocked about the drug thing I wasn't expecting any of these women to do that and I know some of these ladies very well.

[crumpledwand]

Also very sorry for all the typos recently did the iPhone to Samsung switch and let's just say it's not going great!

[Stopyourhavering]

Sounds grim.....I hate all the hype surrounding Hen dos anyway total waste of money and effort

[ShoppingBasket]

Don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Hen do is about a group letting their hair down and having a right laugh. Also I'd be thinking about uninviting perhaps!

[crumpledwand]

Hey thank you for the comments! Yes there is a lot of hype around them and it really puts the pressure on I suspect that's also another reason I'm feeling so underwhelmed I felt under a lot of pressure from everyone. I could never do that to anyone but I'm not sure how I will look some of their partners in the face I haven't spoke much to a few of them since we came back.

[Bosabosa]

You are not being unreasonable at all!!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

That will be the world's best hen story in about ten years. Currently not so great but time heals.

Will you be telling your relative?

[Stopyourhavering]

Sorry you had crap time and hope the Wedding day goes smoothly, after all that's what's important in all of this....btw I didn't have a Hen Do but then I'm ancient! but had a fantastic wedding day ... and just celebrated 30th wedding anniversary, so don't dwell on one bad event!

[SevenSheep]

That sounds awful. Maybe you could arrange a second, smaller party with 3 or 4 of your closest female relatives/friends. Afternoon tea or something similar. It might help erase the bad memories of the first hen do.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It doesn’t sound like these women respect you. The bridesmaid, who went off with her friend wouldnt drive, take a taxi etc, is that right? And why was the hotel so far from town? Two hours? No one makes the bride drive on her hen do.

[crumpledwand]

The hotel was in the town centres of where we went what I meant was we went on my hen do somewhere that was around w hours from our own town.

I have pulled the bridesmaid to one side and explained that I am upset about it and was very honest in my reasons know that must of been hard for her to hear.

I think I will probably have a get together with a much smaller group of friends maybe a cheap spa day and maybe go out for some food. I am sure that one day I will look back on all of it and probably laugh as it absolutely is just a hen do and not the end of the world I am just trying to focus on my wedding. I know that some of the group feel like what they did was wrong as the day after we got back I had a few texts from them which were majorly ass kissing i did respond to these but was a little more blunt then i would of been usually. The friend of my bridesmaid who was getting a bit more friendly has just gone on honeymoon I really liked this girl before last weekend but after the weekend I have decided I don't want to spend my time with her anymore i noticed some very nasty personality traits in her this weekend and she was really rude to a few of the other woman and also to my mil!

[crumpledwand]

Sorry I know you have all been so kind about this I was expecting a real flaming but I just feel like I'm being a bit of a snowflake my wedding is fast approaching and emotions are running high and I know I have been a bit more sensitive lately but I do really apprictae this being seen from my point of view. I guess it's down to me to sort it out

[SuperTrumper]

I would be reevaluating your friends and your bridesmaids. You drove everybody else to your own hen do, and then got deserted? Nope, not on. It looks like they came along for their own little jolly and didn’t give 2 shits about celebrating your upcoming nuptials, which is surely is what a hen night is about, it’s not supposed to just be a standard night out where anybody does what the hell they want. Ditch them

[bingbongnoise]

YANBU that sounds awful!

I would also be reevaluating your friends. They sound like nobs.

Was it Blackpool you went to by any chance?

Good luck in your marriage.

[NoKidsTwoCats]

Sorry your hen do was a bit pants. As others have said, you'll laugh about it in a few years. Having a smaller afternoon tea do is a lovely idea and... Tbh it sounds like you need some new friends... 😕

Hope your wedding day is amazing!

[Bendyandtheinkmachine]

Hey you are close to your MIL so that’s a bonus 😂 hope you have a nice wedding day

[LynetteScavo]

Well, I think it's shown who your real friends are.

And it's lovely that you bonded so well with your MIL

I would't be holding back from telling the spouses of the newly married women what they were up to, and I'm normally in the say nothing camp.

[Brittbugs80]

I didn't have a Hen night. So glad I didn't!

But I'd reconsider whether they should be at the wedding as I'd be worrying about how they are going to act there and that could ruin the evening part if you are keeping an eye on them.

Hope you have a lovely wedding day.

[crumpledwand]

It wasn't Blackpool to be honest this already so outing! It was bournemouth.

Yes I am considering not seeing a few of them again. My dp was so sweet about it and has gone out of his way to try and sort something else out so we can have some relaxation and fun before The day of course with the current outbreak on my skin I'm very limited!

[raisinsarenottheonlyfruit]

Good idea to do something lovely with the people who matter to you IMO.

No tacky t-shirts, no random clubs. Go somewhere you know is lovely and spend some time together in beautiful and relaxing surroundings rather than a hotel room.

[KarateKitten]

It should just have been you and your friends having a good time together, with them making you feel a little bit special.

Who are these shitheads that managed to wangle an invite! You need to vet your friends more carefully😨 Those people are assholes. Sounds like you might have a nice enough MIL though! That's good news.

[LaughingElliot]

Oh I’m sorry for you feeling so disappointed.

Your friends aren’t v good to you. Jeez I’d stick with my husband and think about meeting some new people.

Sometimes the worst times become the best times because they force us to make positive changes. I hope this happens for you.

[thecatsthecats]

The 'good' thing about this is that you know where you stand.

I went to a hen do recently where I was one of four from twelve who stuck with the bride all night. In spite of the gushy speeches, one bridesmaid decided it just wasn't fun enough and fucked off by herself taking others with her. At another hen the bride's oldest friends left before midnight, leaving me awkwardly dancing with the bride and her cousins.

The difference being that the first bride is acting pally with the twats who ditched her still, and the second was rightfully pissed off at being treated as an inconvenience.

You don't need to pursue any sort of vengeance on the ones who badly let you down, but you know where you stand.

[Ellie56]

Well you know who your real friends are don't you OP? But at least it sounds as though you have a good MIL. Judging from the number of threads on here, there are plenty of grim MILS around.

At least you can change your so called "friends" fairly easily.Swapping MILs is not quite so straightforward.