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To tell friend actually I can't do free childcare after all

(330 Posts)
SparklyUnicornPoo Sat 14-Oct-17 20:58:42

Friend asked me to help her out with childcare over half term as she said she's struggling financially and she couldn't afford childcare, or even to chuck me a few quid to cover her DD's food. Our DD's are best friends (which is how we met) I work in a school so am off anyway, so I agreed to have her 3 days over half term, for free, from 6am to early evening

Only today her facebook has been full of photos of her at a local event, with very expensive drinks, in a costume bought specifically for the event, with posts about the costs of drinks, food, babysitter etc. She had originally asked me to babysit today too, but not saying why, but I'd said no (because I wanted a rare lazy day, which by the way has been lovely)

It's really pissed me off. I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't have accepted any money offered anyway, I do mind her lying to me.

So WIBU to tell her I can't look after her DD? (half term is not for another week here)

RedorBlack Sat 14-Oct-17 21:01:30

I'd be bloody pissed off too. You have a Cheeky Fucker on your hands OP

TroelsLovesSquinkies Sat 14-Oct-17 21:02:51

Tell her whatever you like, you are no obliged to fund her fun by watching her child for free. Cheeky!

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 14-Oct-17 21:03:21

Who do you think she is? Is she likely to be lying to you or FB? Because I know that my friend's lives on FB are for show, they are the shiny bits. Even if her mum paid for the event and she got the dress in the charity shop...

Otherwise, YANBU.

SilverdaleGlen Sat 14-Oct-17 21:03:52

shock cancel!

Allthewaves Sat 14-Oct-17 21:04:30

I'd call her out on it. I'd ask how she can afford all this - screen shot fb and yet she needs you to do free childminding.

Madbum Sat 14-Oct-17 21:04:48

Cheeky bitch! Text her and say you’re so glad things are looking up financially for her now and that she’ll be able to afford childcare for half term and that you’re so pleased that you’ve booked a last minute half term holiday.

Mulberry72 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:05:28

You definitely have yourself a CF!

I wouldn’t look after her DC.

Doglikeafox Sat 14-Oct-17 21:05:28

Facebook has a very glossy view on things. If you don’t mind having her DD then it doesn’t really matter where’s she been today. It isn’t anyone’s business how she afforded it. If you do mind, just say so.

HCantThinkOfAUsername Sat 14-Oct-17 21:07:15

I'd message what mad said. How cheeky!

mcdog Sat 14-Oct-17 21:08:06

I would be pissed off too OP. I think a heart to heart with her wouldn’t hurt.

KeepItAsItIs Sat 14-Oct-17 21:09:02

I'd be very much less inclined to have someone's child from bloody 6am until late for 3 days who could go out and brag on FB about how much they are spending whilst pleading they are too poor to pay for childcare or even lunch for their child whilst you look after them for free. She asked because she's a cheeky cow. Say you've made other plans for half term.

Raver84 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:09:17

I'd probably just say I can't do all three days and do one day only as your own dd will prob be looking forward to her friend staying to play. I'd then never offer or agree to any childcare arrangement again unless it's a simple regular play date at your convenience.

user1493413286 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:09:40

Doing her a favour of having her daughter is one thing but not to then give you the money for food and any activities is ridiculous; basically costing you money to do her a favour.
If you do refuse childcare though after agreeing you’ll potentially lose her as a friend so it depends if you want that but if definitely say to her you need her to pay for the costs of having her daughter.

SparklyUnicornPoo Sat 14-Oct-17 21:10:39

grin Madbum I love that response.

The costume is from the local costume shop, the shopping trip is well photographed. I suppose someone else could have paid for tickets, be buying drinks etc but why keep mentioning the prices of things if she isn't paying for it?

tiredvommachine Sat 14-Oct-17 21:14:47

Oktoberfest, by any chance?

Funnyface1 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:18:05

I wouldn't do it either. I could get over most of it but to lay it on so thick as to say she can't even afford to feed her child is too much for me.

TheNoodlesIncident Sat 14-Oct-17 21:20:37

But isn't that insane, to post all that knowing you're a FB friend and will be more than likely to see it???

I wouldn't do the childcare for sure. I might not say why or mention Facebook, just that "I cannot do it now, sorry".

IrritatedUser1960 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:22:05

Talk to her about it, maybe her parents helped out but I'd definitely ask her why she is asking for free childcare if she can afford to go on outings like this.
She needs to answer your questions. Best all out in the open I think.

ShapelyBingoWing Sat 14-Oct-17 21:24:36

She can't afford to give you even the money to feed her kids? So she can't actually afford to feed her children? Did you not question that when she said it? Because if find that concerning enough to dig a bit deeper.

Willow2017 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:25:26

Probably she spent the money she should have paid in child care at the festival. She got you to do it for free instead by giving you a sob story allowing her to go on a spending spree while you get to pay for looking after her child with meals, snacks etc.

Tell her you are "glad her finances appear to be looking up and she can obviously afford childcare now. Which leaves you more time with your dd going out and about instead."😀

Didiusfalco Sat 14-Oct-17 21:26:59

No way - 6.00am until late is a big commitment, she’s taking the piss.

Sounds like she’s more your daughters friends mum than particularly your friend, call her out on it. If she doesn’t like it, no big loss.

Willow2017 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:27:56

If her parents helped her out they should have been giving her money to feed her kids and childcare not to throw it all away on a weekend spending spree.

JaneEyre70 Sat 14-Oct-17 21:30:20

I think you need to be honest. Send her a message tomorrow, and say that you're very upset that you've agreed to put yourself out for free thinking she was in dire need then you see the FB photos today. Say you're sorry, but you won't be able to look after her children any more as when you agreed, it was in good faith. Cheeky cow. I'd be fuming OP.

expatinscotland Sat 14-Oct-17 21:33:36

JaneEyre is spot on.

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