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AIBU?

Housemates New GF

20 replies

Sw33tP2388 · 14/10/2017 20:33

Hi Everyone,

So my living situation is, Myself, DP, DD and house mate. Aside from bedroom belongings myself and DP have furnished the property ourselves.

It has come to light that our housemate has started a new relationship which I am most pleased for her (its about time) however she is dating a mutual friend and work colleague.

They had been staying here the odd night a week which wasn't an issue, all was fine and now shes here all the time!!!
She swans around the house like she lives here, eats my food (which she doesn't replace) and walks around in her dressing gown which is making my partner uncomfortable.

I never get the opportunity to talk to my housemate alone as they are always together and her GF reads her texts so cant approach the topic without her finding out.

I dont want to be mean but I dont want to wake up to her every morning and see her last thing at night, this is my home and I feel like its being invaded.

Today I sought refuge with my DD at my mothers as I didn't want to come home and be around them, waited for them to leave and returned. I shouldn't have to feel that way or put my DD through it but dont know how to go about it without hurting someone's feelings...

Normally I'm a stone cold but this is a delicate situation we are all on the tenancy and pay a third towards all bills we are stuck in a contract until the end of May 2018 and dont want my housemate thinking she isn't welcome at all (shes a bit like a spoilt child and locks herself away in her bedroom if she doesnt like being told) just not all the time.

Need a little help from someone on the outside.. Any suggestions???

Thanks

OP posts:

Report

Aquamarine1029 · 14/10/2017 20:38

Send this housemate a text telling them you need to speak in private, in person, as soon as possible. You need to take control of your own home. This is ridiculous.

RedForFilth · 14/10/2017 20:40

Can't you just ask for a chat in private? What does it say in your contract about guests?

StudentMumArghh · 14/10/2017 20:48

You pay a third? Who pays the other two?

OutToGetYou · 14/10/2017 20:52

@StudentMumArghh

OP, her DP and the housemate, one third each?

buttfacedmiscreant · 14/10/2017 20:55

Agreed, just say that you and DP want to meet with "housemate" for a tenants only meeting.

Sw33tP2388 · 14/10/2017 20:59

me, my partner and house mate we split the bills between the 3 of us

OP posts:

Esssa · 14/10/2017 20:59

I would be saying if this was the new arrangement then the agreement needed to change as there are now 4 adults living in the property. This could either get you a reduction in costs or cause a strop that means you don't see them both as much

Sw33tP2388 · 14/10/2017 21:10

I dont want her to move in... and trying to get our housemate alone is becoming more difficult. Strop is probably the most likely outcome but I just want my home back!

Thank guys.. will try the tenant meeting approach. Will keep you updated on how it goes!

OP posts:

HeebieJeebies456 · 14/10/2017 21:13

I never get the opportunity to talk to my housemate alone as they are always together and her GF reads her texts so cant approach the topic without her finding out

How old are you?!
It's pretty simple and straightforward to text her and say "we need a house-meeting, the 3 of us, to discuss some tenancy stuff,when are you free?"

If she insists on her gf being there or any other funny business - stand your ground and make it clear the gf is NOT invited to this discussion.

It is NOT your fault nor responsibility that your housemate has a controlling and possessive partner.
You don't have to 'humour' that dynamic in your own home.
So what if your housemates sulks and stomps off to her room? Let her!

If she refuses to discuss the issues, take a direct approach with her gf.
Next time you see her, tell her she is a cheeky fucker for eating food that doesn't belong to her or her gf, that she needs to respect others when using communal spaces-so wandering around in her nightie/gown is not acceptable.
Ask her when she will be paying rent/bills seeing as she's practically living at yours?

Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns and deal with it your own way.
Stop being a wimp!

sayyouwill · 15/10/2017 09:06

Did you have your child when you first signed the tenancy? I think it's quite a strange set up I must say!

I would be really frank with her. Just tell her that her gf is taking the piss and you want her to contribute to the upkeep of the house and expenses.

sayyouwill · 15/10/2017 09:07

Also, meant to say, I don't see why it should bother you if her gf reads the messages or hears you say this... ultimately she will know you feel this way one way or another... and it's not an unreasonable request!

Onecall · 15/10/2017 09:11

That type of behaviour is quite typical in a house share Im afraid with partners and friends coming and going. Taking your food is not on though.

RestlessTraveller · 15/10/2017 09:21

Apart from the taking of your food, I see nothing wrong with this. It's not your home, it's all of your homes, she's entitled to have guests too, and if your DP can't handle the sight of a woman in a dressing gown, house sharing is not for him.

ClashCityRocker · 15/10/2017 09:28

On paper, the problem is as a joint tennant it's as much 'her' home as it is yours.

What does the tenancy agreement say about overnight guests, if anything?

Eating your food is not on though.

I do see where you're coming from and I would absolutely hate it too. I think it's a difficult situation to manage.

ClashCityRocker · 15/10/2017 09:29

Although if she's there that often she should be contributing to the costs.

Sw33tP2388 · 16/10/2017 16:40

When we signed the agreement I was already pregnant which she knew. We moved in together to help her out as her old housemate moved back to portugal and she would have been homeless. I don't dispute her having guests as she has done in the past. And on originally finding out they were together I did air my views on not all the time which she agreed, we work together (which i have to keep secret because of their positions at work and other things like gross misconduct) I don't think my partner is being unreasonable, I don't walk around someone else's home as a guest with it all hanging out out of respect. And I don't want to see it either!

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 16/10/2017 17:44

So she is the original tenant?

Sw33tP2388 · 16/10/2017 17:53

No, myself and my partner are. She moved in with just her bedroom belongings

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 16/10/2017 18:26

She;s hardly a guest if she's there all the time.

CF!

Leamington99 · 16/10/2017 19:05

Jesus just talk to her. Doesn’t matter if she refuses to talk to you alone, you can discuss this in front of her gf surely? It directly involves her

It’s not the gf’s fridge to graze in. Your flatmate should take responsibility for her houseguests and stop this from happening, if not SHE needs to reimburse you.

With her being over all the time, It’s a difficult one because obviously your housemate sees you & your man together all the time, probably hears you in the bedroom etc so is extending the same boundaries with her gf. Obviously it’s different as he lives there & pays rent, but from her perspective she sees it as equal?

It’s an awkward living arrangement for both sides tbf, just discuss this ASAP.

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