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To think that I can stay in the family home and he would have to pay half the mortgage?

(79 Posts)
Lennon80 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:28:23

Currently considering divorcing my husband of 15 years. The mortgage is 1k a month which I could never afford on my own. If however he paid half I could stay. He earns about 75k a year - have a got a hope in hell? Kids are 6 and 2 uears.

dementedpixie Sat 14-Oct-17 13:30:13

Is it a joint mortgage?

Redredredrose Sat 14-Oct-17 13:32:29

If the children would mainly live with you, he'd have to pay maintainence. Are you working at all?

kaytee87 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:33:20

You have the right to remain in the family home (as primary carer) with the children but he doesn't have to pay half the mortgage I don't think.
You could come to a private arrangement with him I suppose but you really need some proper legal advice.

Lonecatwithkitten Sat 14-Oct-17 13:33:52

You need legally advice there are so many factors at play here.

FenceSitter01 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:35:36

He would pay maint of course which you could use towards the mortgage.

He wouldn't be able to rent anywhere if he's covering your outgoings. So if you are expecting him to pay £500 mortgage repayments on top of maint, plus his own rental costs, then I doubt this will have a happy outcome.

As I'm quite mercenary when it comes to money, I'd be quite happy to sit with you in my investment and charge you rent on the 50% I own grin

Lennon80 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:35:52

I work part time earn 20k - joint mortgage which comes out of my account monthly.

mummabear17 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:37:08

Probably totally different circumstances but my exh moved it and me and DS stayed in family home (only a Flat much cheaper mortgage) and still pays half plus maintenance and half Nursery fees too. All done between us with written agreements. Hope you get it sorted 💐

Lennon80 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:38:21

So realistically how much maintence would I get? Also he can’t do his job without me being primary cared as he works away 30 percent of the year. Would a judge take that into account?

Iwanttobe8stoneagain Sat 14-Oct-17 13:38:55

It would depend on many things, if the children spend equal time in each home probably not. Is he likely to want shared residency? Do you work? Can you afford to get a smaller mortgage on your own then use any maintenance to look after the kids. Pressumably he would want some of the equity out the house to buy somewhere for himself and the kids when he had them. I would go and see a lawyer.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Sat 14-Oct-17 13:38:59

You have the right to remain in the family home (as primary carer)

Not that straightforward at all.

OP how will you pay the rest of the bills?

You will also have to sell at some point.

Neverknowing Sat 14-Oct-17 13:41:05

There's a maintenance calculator online you can look at. I think it would be about £200 a week? Would that be enough?

RandomMess Sat 14-Oct-17 13:41:35

Remember you can ask for spousal maintenance, my friend was awarded a figure 50% of the mortgage for hers. He can still afford to rent a 2 bed flat.

There earnings are similar to yours £15k and £60k ish

Heratnumber7 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:42:35

Can you get a better paid job and split the child care costs? You don’t really want to remain dependent on your ex do you? What if his circumstances change?

RandomMess Sat 14-Oct-17 13:42:36

Have to say they couldn't downsize into anything cheaper in the same area. If that's an option it is a factor.

WitchesHatRim Sat 14-Oct-17 13:43:04

Remember you can ask for spousal maintenance

You can ask. It doesn't mean it would be granted. No two peoples circumstances are the same.

Temporaryanonymity Sat 14-Oct-17 13:44:05

I was in your shoes six years ago, with similarly aged children. It was tough but I went back to full time work and bought a more affordable house. I get minimal child support now so I am very glad that I did it.

ilovesooty Sat 14-Oct-17 13:44:53

Why should anyone pay spousal maintenance if it leaves them only able to rent?

LittleOwl153 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:45:08

Minimum child maintenance can be calculated at:

You would need to be looking at spousal/ child maintenance on divorce to get mortgage paid. Some people have arrangements where marital home is paid for until youngest is 18, then sold and proceeds split. Get your financial statement/ settlement agreed as part of your divorce and include what happens if / when kids go to uni etc in it. So many get stung by this later on.

FenceSitter01 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:47:18

With a joint mortgage you are both jointly liable. The bank effectively owns your property and the bank dictates the terms. In reality the bank wont care so long as the mortgage is being paid. If you cant cover the mortgage - its coming out of your account - it's your credit record that will take the initial hit until repossession orders start, even though you are jointly liable.

You need proper advice not anecdotal internet advice

Here is the tool to calculate maint so you can gauge what you might get

Lennon80 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:54:28

Main issue is he is self employed so could easy play down his earnings or decide to take less work. It’s so messy.

Lennon80 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:56:54

Does it make a woman more vulnerable if she leaves the family home whilst a divorce is going through?

Papafran Sat 14-Oct-17 13:57:27

I used to work as a family law solicitor. You need to take legal advice- nobody on a forum can tell you the answer. Look on for a specialist solicitor. Presume you are in England and Wales. Some will do initial fixed fee or maybe even free appointment.

To clear up confusion as to what was said on here- no there is definitely no right for the primary carer to remain in the family home. Often, it is the only option because downsizing is not possible either because a suitable property costs the same as the family home or there is not enough equity on sale to buy another home. However, where there is enough money for the primary carer to downsize and she would not be able to take on the mortgage on her own, I would normally expect the court to order a sale and division of proceeds. Doesn't happen in every case- the key in English law is that it gives the court a wide discretion governed by the overarching principle of fairness. I know- clear as mud, but that is why you need legal advice.

Spousal maintenance is possible, but again discretionary and courts are becoming less keen on long-term maintenance orders. It is certainly the norm now to expect the primary carer to get back to work asap and realise an earning potential. Again, depends on the case and nobody on an internet forum can give you specific advice.

You will be entitled to child maintenance if the children live with you- someone has linked to the calculator above. This is separate from spousal maintenance.

When you see the solicitor, try to have an idea roughly of asset value- ie check house estimate price, amount left on mortgage, monthly outgoings, any debts, any savings, pensions, annual bonuses etc? That way, any advice can be much more specific and tailored to your precise circumstances.

FenceSitter01 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:59:27

Only you know your husband. Whether he's an utter shite or whether he would provide adequately for his children.

Anecdotal, I don't know anyone who is self employed who declares all their earnings. No one. The majority are in the building trade where things can be claimed for and written off of course, with much of it cash-in-hand. I would presume your DH is adept at writing of a lot of his income in a similar fashion. Especially if he creates a company account and only pays himself a tiny salary and the company holds all his assets.

My advice, start photocopying his accounts, his bank statements, his tax returns

Papafran Sat 14-Oct-17 13:59:57

*Does it make a woman more vulnerable if she leaves the family home whilst a divorce is going through?

Not necessarily but how would you afford somewhere else? Also, if you leave the children with him, the longer that goes on for, the more likely it is that he will try to claim he is the primary carer.

However, obviously if you are at risk in the home or it is intolerable, that is different. Generally, unless he is threatening/abusive, you can't demand that he leaves if he refuses to go voluntarily.

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