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Guilt about choosing the mixed sex school over girls school

(99 Posts)
chiocesarenevereasygirlsworld Sat 14-Oct-17 13:13:29

My dd has been at her good co Ed school now for 8 weeks. Yr 7. She is enjoying it a lot and on choosing I felt it was right for her and I want her to have friendships with both sexes. She has two brothers so is quite use to boys and there friends.

There is a girls school near us though and among my friends and mums at the school gates it's the school of choice for their daughters. It's outstanding in all areas and it's very academic. All I ever hear is how wonderful it is and even it's even been said how boys are beasts that sexually harass girls at mixed sex schools. Ok this may happen in a small minority's but I find this very insulting as my two boys have been brought up to be respectful and I don't agree with this mindset at all.

There is a nagging doubt in my head the dd could do better academically in the girls school as it's so strong in that dept but my heart tells me she wouldn't be happy socially.

I'm fed up of hearing it but I guess it's all new at the moment and school is all my friends and peers seem to talk about.

I need a break!!

orangewasp Sat 14-Oct-17 13:21:05

I went to an all girls school and made a point of choosing mixed sex for my DC as I think it's much better from a social point of view, they have good friends of both sexes.
If your DD is strong academically and is at a good school I'm sure she will do just as well.

Iamchanging Sat 14-Oct-17 13:26:04

I went to an all girls school and absolutely hated it. Found it very cliquey and with no brothers at home I literally had no idea how to even talk to a boy. I left and moved to a mixed school two years later and never looked back.

Parker231 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:32:05

I don’t agree with separate schools on the grounds of sex or religion. You have done the best thing for your DD - she’ll learn life skills as well as academic success.

Love51 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:33:21

Statistically girls do perform better academically at single sex provision (boys don't iirc,). But you didn't choose a school for one statistic, you chose a school for your child. You know her best and have made a decision based on what you think is best for her across the board. Like most life decisions, you'll never know what the results of the other path would be. But you made the best decision you could with the information you had.

Love51 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:34:30

parker what life skills require a co-ed school? Mind boggles!

ujerneyson Sat 14-Oct-17 13:36:22

I'd ignore it. Mine are all at co-ed schools (state and private) and it's a deliberate decision. I'm a very big fan of mixed schools and we have had absolutely no evidence whatsoever of there being any issues whatsoever. My son has some really lovely platonic friendships with girls and my daughter mixes comfortably and freely with the boys in her year. The expectations of the boys and girls are identical and they see each other 100% as peers. Academically the schools are fantastic and I've no indication at all that there are subjects where the girls, or the boys feel that they're at a disadvantage due to their gender.

FenceSitter01 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:38:40

what life skills require a co-ed school? Mind boggles!

L:ife, last time I looked, is mixed gender not single sex.

heateallthebuns Sat 14-Oct-17 13:40:26

I don't know if they're better academically but a mixed school will help her to prepare for real life mixing with everyone and working with boys, that has to be of benefit in the workplace.

mintbiscuit Sat 14-Oct-17 13:42:38

I went to an all girls school and think they can be really good for girls. Especially for those less confident in themselves.

I found less distractions and it was less intimidating minus the boys. Admittedly I grew up in a fairly poor borough of London at the time. We were pushed academically too and I went on to study a science at uni.

Definitely no bad mouthing of boys/men in my school though!

Girls naturally lean towards being more cliquey and bitchy than boys and I think you can get that in mixed or single sex schools.

whiteroseredrose Sat 14-Oct-17 13:47:45

Are you in Trafford?

Similar here. We have single sex and coeducational Grammars. The girl's school is the best academically and only one of our group whose DC passed both entrance exams sent their DC co-ed. (He is a DS).

Actually it's worked out well for him.

We went single sex because both my DC had only had friends of their own sex since Juniors and I felt they'd have a bigger 'pool' to pick from.

putdownyourphone Sat 14-Oct-17 13:49:27

I went to a single sex school and would never send my girl to one.

nigelsbigface Sat 14-Oct-17 13:49:57

I sent my dd to the mixed school rather than the more well regarded girls school because one, that's where she wanted to go, but two because I felt the mixed school was better on pastoral care and tbh, not as up itself in how it presented itself. Better fit for us really-I'm just not in to that sort of quiet snobbery (which may not surround all girls school but does this one), and I'm interested in dd being as happy as she can be and well rounded in experience not just how academic she is.

The girls school is rated outstanding and has been for ages. The mixed was good but was ofsted'd last week and will probably go up to outstanding-which has silenced any doubts I did have.

RestlessTraveller Sat 14-Oct-17 13:53:23

I went to a single sex school and had an absolutely awful time. It's the reason I now prefer male friends over females and would never send a child to one.

JacquesHammer Sat 14-Oct-17 13:59:50

I went to an all girls school and loved it. We're applying for single sex for our DD now.

Parker231 Sat 14-Oct-17 14:00:00

Love51 - some advantages although I agree there are always disadvantages but I believe the advantages outweigh any disadvantages. A better fit for real life - Develops mutual respect, helps to overcome any fear of the opposite sex, healthy competition, self-esteem amongst the sexes.

HazelBite Sat 14-Oct-17 14:04:44

As a manager in an office I found that boys and girls who came straight to work from single sex schools, had real difficulty with communicating on a day to day basis with members of the opposite sex.

Ta1kinPeece Sat 14-Oct-17 14:07:21

I went to all girls and hated it.

I wanted my kids to have equal opportunities in life so sent them to the same school
it therefore had to be mixed
and I'm not Catholic so had no other choice in the state system here

Goldfishshoals Sat 14-Oct-17 14:13:23

I specifically wanted to go to a single sex school at secondary to get away from the male bullying and sexual harassment at primary school (yes, it happens, even if your boys are lovely).

Never had any trouble mixing with men in the real world afterwards (why would I?), and in fact had more male friends at uni due to doing a male dominated subject (something I would have been less likely to do at a mix sex school).

TakemedowntoPotatoCity Sat 14-Oct-17 14:15:53

Take it from me, you did the right thing (ex girls Grammar school pupil) seems other are saying the same. I wouldn't entertain sending DD to single sex for a minute.

JonSnowsWife Sat 14-Oct-17 14:16:35

All I ever hear is how wonderful it is and even

I went to an all girls school that had and still has an excellent reputation. I hated every fucking minute of it. It is still there, we live near there and an 'excellent' catholic school. I wouldn't send my worst enemy to either school from what I've witnessed.

it's even been said how boys are beasts that sexually harass girls at mixed sex schools

My DD goes to a mixed sex school. She came home late yesterday and was tired. A male pupil came over to her to ask if she was okay because she looked upset.

boys are beasts that sexually harrass the girls

I think they should give most parents (as in raided their boys better than this) and boys more credit than this. Not every male child is a blood thirsty human with a constant need to have his end away.

JonSnowsWife Sat 14-Oct-17 14:17:51

*RAISED their boys not raided!

Titsywoo Sat 14-Oct-17 14:20:12

I went to an all girls school and wish I had been able to send my DD to one. The lack of boys means less distraction and currently she is at that age where they are forming their tribe and their friendships are so important but the boys are all more immature than them and are a pain in the arse so they aren't really friends anyway.

Sorry probably not what you want to hear but I think single sex works well for secondary schools.

FizzyGreenWater Sat 14-Oct-17 14:24:04

I went to a single-sex school and it was just what you were used to. It hasn't had any effect on my ability to make friends with men as far as I can work out - I don't remember going to 6th form and thinking OMG boys - it just didn't register really. I've got pretty equal numbers of friends of both sexes.

I would have gone for the academically better school if you'd think she'd be happy there. It's very hard to say! School experience can be a lottery.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops Sat 14-Oct-17 14:25:52

I did all girls for 12 years and mostly liked it but chose to go to a boys school with a mixed 6th form for my last 2 years. I felt it wouldn't be healthy for me to go off to uni otherwise!

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