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To not take work colleague to work anymore

(102 Posts)
blackheartsgirl Thu 12-Oct-17 20:16:38

I’ve never posted on this board so feel free to tell me to get a backbone!

I started a new job six months ago on the same day as my close friend, we’ve worked together before in the same place then 2 positions came up which we both applied for and got , we both work the same hours and we both have early starts mon to fri 7.45 am. I drive and she doesn’t, it’s about 4 miles away from where I live and about 6 where she is. She accepted the job knowing she would struggle and was going to ask family members to take her, they refused so she asked me. I agreed, I go out of my way to get her and have to get up earlier but she does pay me petrol. It’s worked ok.

But. My circs have changed. I’m struggling with my mental health and theres other stuff going on which is not pleasant. Hr have suggested a change in my working hours which would mean I am no longer able to take friend in if it gets approved. Friend has proper seen her arse, saying how was she supposed to get in and I wasn’t being fair? There is a bus from by her house but it would mean her getting up a little earlier but she keeps saying sack that I can’t be bothered and it wouldn’t work for her. I feel so guilty. Aibu not to take her if it arises and put my family and my health first?

Toomuchocolate Thu 12-Oct-17 20:19:06

Of course you are not being unreasonable! She took the job knowing what the journey wa like, it's her responsibility to get herself there.

T00ManyB00ks Thu 12-Oct-17 20:19:11

Put you and your health first. I think you already know the answer.

RedHelenB Thu 12-Oct-17 20:19:42

Obviously yanbu.

bingbongnoise Thu 12-Oct-17 20:19:51

YANBU. Her getting to work is NOT your problem.

Tell her she will need to find her own way there now, and her transport issues are not your problem. Say you have enough shit going on without being made to feel guilty for nothing.

Maybe she can learn to drive and buy a car, like YOU had to! As well as many other people.

What a CF! hmm

Hope you feel better soon. flowers

Trills Thu 12-Oct-17 20:21:00

Can I say how much I love the phrase "seen her arse"?

Getting to work is her problem. If your hours are changing, you will not be driving at that time.

KirstyJC Thu 12-Oct-17 20:21:31

She doesn't sound like a friend to me. Stop feeling guilty - she clearly doesn't give a stuff.

Not your problem. Concentrate on yourself!

Fishface77 Thu 12-Oct-17 20:21:41

She's a cheeky cow!
And she's not a close friend she's a user!

Mulberry72 Thu 12-Oct-17 20:21:44

You and your health are more important OP, she needs to suck it up and get a grip (or a bus, or a Taxi, or perhaps even driving lessons!).


Ijustlovefood Thu 12-Oct-17 20:21:58

No YANBU. You've been doing her a favour! For quite some time too. Circumstances change and she has to accept it and make arrangements herself. If she gets arsy then she's not much of a friend. She shouldn't choose a job she cannot get to by herself.

Ttbb Thu 12-Oct-17 20:22:14


TheQueenOfWands Thu 12-Oct-17 20:23:03

If she puts her convenience before your health then she is NOT your friend.

Take the new hours and sack her off.

Snausage Thu 12-Oct-17 20:23:38

It sounds as if she took the job because she knew she'd get a lift. She's a cheeky fucker. There are a lot of those around tonight.

Leeds2 Thu 12-Oct-17 20:25:49

Take the new hours if offered, and don't listen to your "friend".

Glumglowworm Thu 12-Oct-17 20:26:16


you've been doing her a favour, despite the petrol money it's still a favour you're doing her. You're no longer able to because of your personal issues and change of hours. A friend would understand. She's not a friend, she's a user. She's hardly stranded if there's a bus!

TheABC Thu 12-Oct-17 20:27:08

It's only 6 miles away. Doable by bike, bus or taxi. If you don't take care of yourself, you could well end up off work with long term sickness - so she will still struggle to get in, except your health will have paid the price in the meantime.

BifsWif Thu 12-Oct-17 20:27:49

She is no friend, and you have nothing to feel guilty for.

Happyperson123 Thu 12-Oct-17 20:28:22

It was very nice of you to go 2 miles out of your way in the first place. I don't think YABU at all.

In fact if your hours revert to the old times I'd not even offer to give her a lift again. The petrol money's not worth it IMO.

Tell your friend to learn to drive if she's that bothered.

FenceSitter01 Thu 12-Oct-17 20:29:02

What does she do when you are on leave? or off sick? What would she do if you resigned?

This is her problem to sort out - what she should do is approach HR and ask to set up a car share scheme.

Glumglowworm Thu 12-Oct-17 20:29:25

Oh and fwiw i don't drive, I still think YADNBU.

A friend takes me home from a group we both do because it finishes quite late. If she was no longer able to do so, I would walk home, and just be grateful she's done it up til now. And if it was because of issues in her personal life I would be concerned and try to offer to do something to help.

Appuskidu Thu 12-Oct-17 20:29:28

but she keeps saying sack that I can’t be bothered and it wouldn’t work for her.

What does 'sack that' mean?

It's fairly irrelevant if it doesn't work for her, isn't it-you are not responsible for her travel circumstances! If she doesn't drive, she needs to use public transport like everyone else surely?

blackheartsgirl Thu 12-Oct-17 20:33:05

Aww thanks. To be honest I know deep down ianbu but I’m a softie lol. To be fair she does pay me petrol money and she’s been a good friend in other ways. She gets a lot of family support and we don’t. Which is why I’m so stressed

I love the phrase seen your arse as well 😂

ilovesooty Thu 12-Oct-17 20:33:27

Look after your own health. I hope you feel better soon.

QueenArseClangers Thu 12-Oct-17 20:33:58

"What does 'sack that' mean? "

Sack that means 'fuck that'! Or 'sod that'.

blackheartsgirl Thu 12-Oct-17 20:37:53

Sack that means sod that. I’ve never phoned in sick so I don’t know what she’d do,

Holidays well family take her when I’m off but they aren’t happy about it

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