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to lie about the whole thing or should i face the consequences and be honest?

(91 Posts)
explain Thu 12-Oct-17 19:03:38

Posted in another area but want advice on here too for more traffic hopefully...

I'm currently pregnant via donor. I have just started to tell friends and family of the news. The majority of them I have told that I am pregnant by an ex and my really close friends I have told the truth of it all. However a few friends have taken it really badly and are demanded answers as to how I got pregnant and why I would sleep so carelessly with an ex?! Now i feel awful for lying, as this baby was 100% planned (via donor). I will be facing this particular friend later in the month and he is demanding answers. Do I tell him the truth knowing that he is completely against women choosing to have children on their own?

lampshady Thu 12-Oct-17 19:05:08

He doesn't sound much of a friend if he can't empathise with and support your decision.

angelnix Thu 12-Oct-17 19:05:13

How on earth does your ex feel about you implying it is his child?! You need to tell the truth or say it's no-ones business.

anon97528996 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:05:29

Doesn’t sound like a great friend tbh. Tell people what you’re comfortable with, it’s none of their business and you have nothing to be ashamed of!

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:05:51

I dont think you should lie or tell the truth

Its none of his business

Is he that good a freind to you that youd let him speak to you like that

Aquamarine1029 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:07:16

Who does this "friend" think he is?! He can't demand to know anything, and if he refuses to respect your privacy you should refuse to be his friend.

2cats2many Thu 12-Oct-17 19:07:33

You know the right answer don't you?

You to friend: "This is actually the situation with my pregnancy. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd disapprove, but after thinking about it, I realised that it was unfair of me to assume that you'd react badly. I hope you can be happy for me and support me in my choice because this pregnancy is very much wanted."

Or something along those lines...

Miloarmadillo1 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:07:38

Pretty shoddy on the ex to claim it's his - are you going to spend the child's life telling all your friend's the good-for-nothing wants nothing to do with the baby he fathered? Are you going to tell the child that? Be honest. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Your friend can stick his opinion where the sun don't shine.

Bambamber Thu 12-Oct-17 19:07:53

Tell him the truth. It's not his baby or his body so it doesn't matter that he is against it. A true friend would support you regardless

Tainbri Thu 12-Oct-17 19:09:08

Generally, honesty is the best policy do I wouldn't suggest lying as such but to be honest you shouldn't have to pander to someone "demanding answers"! A true friend wouldn't put you in that situation. It's your business. If it was me I would just be steering him to focus on the fact the baby is planned and the father is not involved. End of conversation.

AdalindSchade Thu 12-Oct-17 19:09:15

How is this person your friend?!
Don't tell him anything and don't see him again!

PinkHeart5914 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:09:16

Why lie about it though?

You are pregnant via a donor so your obviously comfortable with the choice you made and Imo saying as an adult you decided to have a baby so went down the donor route sounds a whole lot more responsible then I have sex with an ex and couldn’t be bothered to protect myself.

Mumof56 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:09:28

Why do you tell him it was your ex? very odd. what if in a couple of years friend lets it slip to child that ex is his father? How does your ex feel about being labelled a dead beat dad for a child that is not his?

FenceSitter01 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:10:38

The trouble with lying is :it always comes back to bite you. You've effectively slandered your ex partner. People will think he's a shit father who doesn't bother with his child. Why involve him in your deceit?

purplecorkheart Thu 12-Oct-17 19:12:17

Not fair involving your ex. What you tell people is your own business but do not involve someone who is not involved!

monkeywithacowface Thu 12-Oct-17 19:12:21

Well I think lying is a mistake, it always creates more problems than it solves and you will end up having to tell more lies in the future to maintain it.

Second of all people who "demand" answers should be told to do one

StepAwayFromGoogle Thu 12-Oct-17 19:14:03

explain, it would probably be better to just tell the truth to everyone. You've nothing to feel ashamed of and might find that you get to a point where you've forgotten who you told what to. Or they find out from each other somehow.

Don't get me wrong, you are well within your rights to tell anyone anything you like and your friend doesn't sound much like a friend but I wonder whether it would give you peace of mind?

64PooLane Thu 12-Oct-17 19:14:24

Cannot imagine why someone would lie about this. What does it achieve? You'll have to be truthful eventually, unless you want your child to begin life under the shadow of a lie? After everything you've done to have a baby, why make it sound like a shambolic accident when it's nothing of the sort?

And surely it'll be worse telling people not only the truth, but also that you've lied to them?

WinnieFosterTether Thu 12-Oct-17 19:14:58

The problem with saying that it's an ex is that presumably you do have ex boyfriends and you're leaving them open to scurrilous rumours and gossip.
You don't need to tell anyone anything about the father. You can honestly tell them that it's not someone they know and you don't want to talk about it.

Tilapia Thu 12-Oct-17 19:16:35

Another one who doesn’t like the sound of a friend who ‘demands answers’. Just say it’s none of their business!

Neverknowing Thu 12-Oct-17 19:16:57

I'd tell him the truth, that it's none of his business smile

NachoAddict Thu 12-Oct-17 19:19:01

Bad situation for your ex. Either be honest or say a one night stand but not your poor ex.

Either way it is none of your friends business.

queenthequeen Thu 12-Oct-17 19:20:54

I'd probably go down the route of short lived but passionate relationship tbh.

Redglitter Thu 12-Oct-17 19:25:07

I will be facing this particular friend later in the month and he is demanding answers

He'll be DEMANDING answers? It's fuck all to do with him. Who does he think he is demanding answers. With an attitude like that I'd tell him nothing

In relation to saying it was an ex I think that's a really bad idea. Id have just been honest about it. It's noones business. Personally I'd prefer to let people know I was having a very much wanted and very much planned baby not an accident

x2boys Thu 12-Oct-17 19:26:00

When you say you are pregnant by an ex are you naming a particular ex because that really isnt fair and could get potentially very awkward or are you just being vague and saying an ex?

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