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to ask how to cope with negative comments about “overdressing”

(55 Posts)
JewelFoot Thu 12-Oct-17 18:35:04

After a divorce last year, I’m really enjoying finding my own style.

I’m not talking designer brands but I match my colours, like and choose/coordinate accessories, and try and look reasonably chic.

I’m not dressing in an obviously uncomfortable way or - sexually overt way (not that there is anything wrong with that!)- am fairly covered up/ practical - I can’t afford a car and so tend to be fairly covered up for the weather.

I’m a mature student in a hard (for me) subject which hopefully will lead to a solid career job, and also work for a big employer in the service industry to keep going financially. Overall I love it, the independence is great.

As one would expect my colleagues are not interested in whether or not I wear a fleece or a trench coat or a shalwar kameez (obviously the fashion choices of a low level employee are not the priority in someone’s working day! grin )

However, a few (women ) have tend to come out with fairly underhand unpleasant comments “questioning” me (implying I’m overspending on clothes - I have savings and mainly buy ebay/primark/charity shop stuff- or that I’m trying to “pull” the men at work, or simply “why are you so dressed up for? What are you wearing that for?”

I mean, it makes me feel good/confident but I don’t see why these women are being aggressive about needing an “explanation”? ( it really isn’t said in a friendly way - it’s also not like their the kind of colleagues who I have been having long conversations about my personal life so they’re actually curious about me?)

Eg Ive started wearing jeans tucked into boots (Mancheste rain and soggy hemlines means this is a genius idea and I like the look ) and someone asked if im trying to “pretend I own a horse”, implying I’m insecure and trying to be something I’m not?

I can compare this with my experience of working whilst in an abusive marriage (I’d often be turning up to work in dirty ill fitting clothes and hijab as I didn’t have access to spending money and my ex wasn’t working and used to start “all night” rows so I had no time to wash ) No one had that same tone of disapproval as they do now,

scurryfunge Thu 12-Oct-17 18:37:58

It's jealousy and/or boredom....just ignore.

kaytee87 Thu 12-Oct-17 18:39:30

They sound like morons.

Ask them if they mean to be so rude grin

RedForFilth Thu 12-Oct-17 18:41:55

If they ask questions like that just say "why do you feel the need to question me about it?" Or "I can give you style tips if you like?" Or just say it's how you like to dress. How strange that they're questioning you about it! Have they nothing better to talk about?

CandleLit Thu 12-Oct-17 18:41:56

Agree. Ignore it. Enjoy your explorations into your new style!

gunsandbanjos Thu 12-Oct-17 18:43:38

I'd just say something like, well we don't all want to let ourselves go now do we Margaret (insert name of choice...).

Seriously they sound like bitchy, thick, bored weird women.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

mygorgeousmilo Thu 12-Oct-17 18:43:50

All I can say is you sound like you've reached a really good place in your life! Amazing, in fact, you should be so proud of what you are achieveing. Miserable people do love to put people down, it seems to be a part of life. The answer is to continuously expand your horizons, make new friends, gain new experiences - to increase your chances of being around nice, encouraging people. They sound jealous and mean. Try to ignore.

TinklyLittleLaugh Thu 12-Oct-17 18:44:12

They are idiots and you sound like you have your header screwed on okay. Perhaps they are jealous? I would just shrug and say that I liked clothes.

ILoveMillhousesDad Thu 12-Oct-17 18:44:48

You sound confident and fabulous.

People usually tend to put others people down due to their own insecurities.

ShowMePotatoSalad Thu 12-Oct-17 18:45:12

If I wear high heels at work I get a lot of "why are you so dressed up?" "Who are you trying to impress?" And "How can you even walk in those?" We're talking a 3" heel, not enormous platforms.

Incidentally if I dress down or don't wear make up im described as looking "tired", which I take to mean "you look like shit".

Gemini69 Thu 12-Oct-17 18:45:33

I find comments like this say more about the person making the comment .. than about you.. you dress as you see fit Lady flowers

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Thu 12-Oct-17 18:46:35

I can heartily recommend not giving a fuck.

PickAChew Thu 12-Oct-17 18:47:07

Criticising jeans tucked into boots? Unless you specifically wear boot cut jeans, how else are you supposed to wear them?confused

HeyRoly Thu 12-Oct-17 18:47:35

How underhand! You obviously look nice and they feel scruffy in comparison.

Lottapianos Thu 12-Oct-17 18:50:43

'It's jealousy and/or boredom....just ignore'

Absolutely this. Says so much more about them than you. Enjoy your new look and know that way more people will be thinking that you look fab and wishing they had your confidence

WordWeasel Thu 12-Oct-17 18:51:10

People who feel content and secure in themselves don't feel the need to try and put others down. They just don't. Just be you, and maybe feel a tiny bit of sadness for their lack of security/confidence.

UsedtobeFeckless Thu 12-Oct-17 18:51:24

Snidey bunch of idiots - ignore ...

ZaraW Thu 12-Oct-17 18:51:28

I worked in a factory office part time when I was at university, the women were hostile and unfriendly. When they made comments about what I wore I just smiled and would say I LOVE this jumper or whatever they commented on. It wasn't a permanent job and I never let them get me down. It's their problem not yours.

Therealslimshady1 Thu 12-Oct-17 18:59:49

I used to have the school playground. I did not dress like the other mums, I wore long tailored coats and sometimes (felt) hats. Also, I am foreign. Some people criticised my "overdressing for school pick up", often disguised as compliments "look at you, slimshady, you are so elegant. Not sure why you bother, but good for you" confused

Anyway, it made me feel better to dress like that, and I still do!

Just smile and say thanks,and be vague.

Aloof but friendly is the way forward

MarklahMarklah Thu 12-Oct-17 19:04:30

A big smile and saying "thankyou" will probably confuse them.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 12-Oct-17 19:04:52

Honestly, don't waste a molecule of headspace caring about what those stupid cows think or say. Either ignore or ask why on earth they are so concerned with what you're wearing. Maybe add that you weren't aware you needed to get their approval regarding your fashion choices. They are jealous, ignorant idiots.

boneyes Thu 12-Oct-17 19:07:28

They're jealous! Enjoy your clothes and your look.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 12-Oct-17 19:07:44

Eg Ive started wearing jeans tucked into boots (Mancheste rain and soggy hemlines means this is a genius idea and I like the look ) and someone asked if im trying to “pretend I own a horse”, implying I’m insecure and trying to be something I’m not?

Sounds like they're chatting and making conversation and imo you're taking offense where none is meant.

winglesspegasus Thu 12-Oct-17 19:08:00

rock on and enjoy yourself
life is too short
clothing is one of the few things we have absolute choice
i wear boots w/jeans tucked in have since i was 12 and my mom did too.i also wear all sort of clothes that are not like the others of my age/bohemian skirts and tops(with boots) capes,etc/levis and tshirts.
enjoy your clothes

ShoesHaveSouls Thu 12-Oct-17 19:10:01

They are twats.

One of the bitchiest comments I ever heard was when a colleague walked through the office looking nice, not overtly overdressed, but above the knee skirt, blouse, heels - and another colleague said "ooh, who's she trying to impress?"

It's awful. I also have a friend who dresses very flamboyantly and writes a clothes blog. I imagine she gets similar comments - but knowing her, she would just take it her stride, and start talking enthusiastically about her style smile

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