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I am so ashamed

(115 Posts)
strugglingsososomuch Thu 12-Oct-17 17:58:59

I don't fit in. People think I am weird. I dress in shapeless and inappropriate (not revealing, just not "right") clothes for my very corporate job. I want to run away and hide, hide, hide. When I look at people my eyes dart even when I'm willing them not to and trying to be bright/sunny/friendly/attractive/nice. I can see that I am making them uncomfortable. I don't want this pain to continue. I can't see a way out. I want a fresh start and I want to be normal.

TheSnowFairy Thu 12-Oct-17 18:03:39

Look at other staff around you. Can you copy what they wear? (Not actual copies, but style wise?)

Are you in the 'right' job for you?

TheSnowFairy Thu 12-Oct-17 18:04:47

(I mean, are you happy there?)

Aquamarine1029 Thu 12-Oct-17 18:05:30

How do you REALLY know what people think of you, and why do you care so much? If you're a kind person and treat people with respect, what other people think doesn't matter. And the truth is, people just don't spend that much time concerning themselves with thinking about people they don't know well.

WhatwouldAryado Thu 12-Oct-17 18:05:43

A lot of corporate friends feel they don't belong. They describe work clothes as a "costume" awful really.

strugglingsososomuch Thu 12-Oct-17 18:07:39

I don't know if im happy there. it's a job. it's a very corporate grad scheme in finance. everyone is so perfect and polished. I am the ugly, weird outlier. no one gets me. I feel like people pity me. I don't know what else I would do! I like the money I guess and I can do the work. I am clever and can be v charming if I try but it doesn't come naturally and atm am going through a difficult phase. it has been going on for a few months. I have been here a year. I am struggling so much. I want to die.

aaaaargghhhhelpme Thu 12-Oct-17 18:08:12

Didn't want to read and run. flowers

Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? Anyone you do feel comfortable with?

(I think most people will feel out of their comfort zone at least some of the time)

Also just wanted to say - you have a job. So someone interviewed you and thought you'd fit in and wanted to work with you. Take care flowers

Theworldisfullofidiots Thu 12-Oct-17 18:09:10

Have you talked to someone. Lots of people feel like they don't fit in, it's quite common. Some people don't care and would view themselves as being an individual.Your title of being ashamed and has got me thinking of a book called - The gift of imperfection' by brene brown.
Would your employer pay for you to see a coach? I ask because I am one and this wouldn't be an uncommon thing to discuss in coaching.

PotteringAlong Thu 12-Oct-17 18:09:55

Can you go to somewhere with a personal shopper so they can choose some outfits for you so you feel more like you slot in at work?

dangermouseisace Thu 12-Oct-17 18:12:46

There is nothing wrong with being weird. My sons best description of some boys he met at a party- they were ok but everyone was just normal...I like people who are a bit weird...

Regarding the clothes- have you tried using a personal stylist at somewhere like John Lewis? Sometimes it's easier to choose clothes that look good if you have a bit of help. It might seem a bit shallow but I find if I feel much more confident in clothes that I feel suit me.

strugglingsososomuch Thu 12-Oct-17 18:12:48

I am just ugly. I have gained weight and clothes don't look nice on me. couldn't look polished if I tried. its a very male-dominated department and the females look like models. it's hard not to feel inadequate! I look nice in the mirror at home in the morning but when I arrive at work and look in proper light, my clothes cling uncomfortably, my face looks wide and shiny and pore-y (no matter how well I apply my make-up), my outfit looks cheap and nasty and poorly put-together. I never want to leave my desk, I don't want people to notice me. I want to be attractive sad I feel like I want to die

Pancakeflipper Thu 12-Oct-17 18:14:07

Have you got a mentor or have reviews? You can ask for one. I bet the managers see things differently to you.

I have a few graduates working for us. The one we are eyeing as huge potential as a director in years ahead wherever they work is not the obvious choice.

Everyone brings something and my personal favorite staff members are the ones who just try. Talk to someone.

Bambamber Thu 12-Oct-17 18:14:35

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being different! If we were all the same the world would be a very boring place. You should see my wardrobe, I wear bright patterns upon patterns and wear clothes that 'only I could get away with' or 'suits my personality'. Do your clothes actually cause a problem at work? If your clothes are seen as unprofessional then maybe I would consider making adjustments, otherwise sod it.

It sounds like you need to work on your confidence and self esteem. Accept who you are and own it (easier said than done). It may be worth a chat with your GP as you do sound like your feeling awfully low

MissionItsPossible Thu 12-Oct-17 18:16:43

You sound depressed and suffering with anxiety. Could you go shopping with a stylist who could recommend things? You will need to do the former before the latter imo, because buying new clothes and having a makeover may be the antidote but it won't be the cure.

Theworldisfullofidiots Thu 12-Oct-17 18:18:04

My sister is a high flyer in the financial world. She isn't beautiful. In fact she's overweight and doesn't have great skin (and I love her). She just doesn't give a shit about what people think.
She is internally referenced so her view of good or bad is in her eyes only and not a reflection of others views.
We are what we are and we have to learn to cope with that. I really think it would be helpful if you talked to someone.

strugglingsososomuch Thu 12-Oct-17 18:19:37

no my clothes don't draw complaints I just feel ugly in them. they are not too out-there - dark dresses and skirts! I just feel like crap, like a weirdo. I feel like I can go far in this job and want to - it's just tough. I feel like everyone thinks im odd - they are all so preened and proper and perfect. I am a mess. in every way. I don't have any kind of nous - I react in the wrong way or do the wrong thing!

I am at a massive work event and felt on the verge of a panic attack, had to leave and feign illness. on the way out I saw people I had worked with and I had to blank them and pretend I didn't see them, I felt like I was going to die. I feel like I have blown my chances with them. I know how they must see me. its not good. I don't want to be this person. Im not this person!!!!!!!!!!!

strugglingsososomuch Thu 12-Oct-17 18:20:31

can I send someone a photo of myself. I don't even care anymore. I feel so ugly.

ParanoidBeryl Thu 12-Oct-17 18:22:32

If you want to pm me a photo I will give you some honest feedback. It sounds like you are being very hard on yourself.

WorraLiberty Thu 12-Oct-17 18:23:52

Oh god, don't start sending internet strangers photos of yourself OP.

It sounds as though you need real life help with your self esteem.

Have you visited your GP?

WhatWouldGenghisDo Thu 12-Oct-17 18:25:06

struggling it sounds like you could be suffering from anxiety. It's really common and really treatable - have a chat with your gp as soon as you can because there's no need for you to go on feeling like this.

I'd just like to add that you sound way more normal than your perfect polished colleagues smile

strugglingsososomuch Thu 12-Oct-17 18:26:12

ok maybe not. does anyone know why my eyes dart around? is that anxiety? I almost feel like im doing it involuntarily.

CiderwithBuda Thu 12-Oct-17 18:26:51

I'm sorry you feel so bad about yourself. It sounds like you are very depressed and anxious.

You got the job so something is right about you!

What stresses you th most?

Theworldisfullofidiots Thu 12-Oct-17 18:27:47

Don't pm people pictures. Go into work tomorrow and tell them you want some help. It's proactive and I'm pretty sure they would be delighted that someone is being proactive with their career.
You've got yourself stuck in a vortex of self confirming misery. I know it currently feels hopeless and talking on here is the first step. Talking in real life will be the next step.

CiderwithBuda Thu 12-Oct-17 18:28:18

Sounds like you feel a bit trapped maybe. And your eyes dart about looking for escape.

I agree that going to your gp would be a good first step.

beachygirl Thu 12-Oct-17 18:28:30

How long have you worked there? Someone interviewed you and thought you looked perfectly approrpriate and were the best applicant for the post. For now, focus on doing a great job, which willl get you good feedback and increase your confidence in all aspects of yourself.

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