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To drop my secondary school age child to school?

(144 Posts)
Bearlover16 Thu 12-Oct-17 15:29:19

DD is in year 6 of primary. It seems I am one of a few parents that drop and collect their child at the school gates. There's been a lot of talk recently about 'preparing them to walk alone once they start secondry'.

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should? 10/11 years old is still so young IMHO.
My Daughter is happy to be taken to school and collected at home time, we often talk about her day on the way home. Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story.

dementedpixie Thu 12-Oct-17 15:31:29

I drop mine too as I'm out anyway to take ds to primary school and she would never get up in time to walk. 20-30 minute walk probably.

heron98 Thu 12-Oct-17 15:33:29

I think that actually children do need to learn independence and even if you can drop them you SHOULDN'T! 11 is not that young and the sooner children are allowed to think and do things for themselves the better.

I work in a university and life skills I see in some students are woeful. It's because they have never been allowed to do things by themselves so when they can they flounder.

You'd be doing your DC a disservice by doing everything for them forever.

fc301 Thu 12-Oct-17 15:33:33

I still take my Yr 11 DD. But then I do pick my battles. And walking to school isn’t one of them!

Ragwort Thu 12-Oct-17 15:34:42

Not sure why you use 'secondary school age child' in your title if your child is at primary school? confused.

Personally I don't think it matters, assuming you are not clogging up the roads in monumental traffic jams, but I do think secondary age school children need at least to know how to get to school and back on their own.

I often drop my 6th form DS off to school, it is on my way to work, and it's a nice thing to do. Of course he can walk (40 mins) if I am not driving to work.

eyebrowsonfleek Thu 12-Oct-17 15:34:46

I think that secondary school aged kids prefer to walk with friends although lifts are appreciated on days when the weather is bad.
Do you pick her up on foot or car?

TwoBlueFish Thu 12-Oct-17 15:35:56

I drop my DS (year 9) at a friends house which is about a 5-10 minute walk to school. He sometimes walks home. It’s a 40-45 minute walk, no bus, he’s not a confident cyclist (and it’s busy roads) and the pickup/drop off fits around work.

If we lived closer he would walk.

didnthappeninmyday Thu 12-Oct-17 15:39:27

I drop mine and pick them up and they’re year 11 and year 8

They had to walk recently as my car was in the garage for repairs, it took them 50 minutes to walk either way, despite it seeming quite close in the car.

They’re both incredibly independent the rest of the time and are happy to get buses into town 10 miles away and go off and meet friends in the village so no I don’t think I’m mollycoddling them and depriving them of life skills.

Also I often give their friends a lift home too especially if it’s raining, who wants to walk after a long day at school.

TeenTimesTwo Thu 12-Oct-17 15:39:59

I walked DD2 to primary and back all the way through primary, except on a few occasions when I was busy with PTA stuff.

She was still more than capable of walking to and from secondary alone (even on the transition days in July of y6 where others of her peers all met together at primary and walked together, even thought that wouldn't be what they did in Sept).

Provided you are happy she will be able to get to secondary fine, YANBU to continue to enjoy the primary school run.

dementedpixie Thu 12-Oct-17 15:40:01

It's a hard enough battle getting dd out of bed when she's getting a lift so I'm not adding walking to it too! I tend to drop and then go to the shop or an exercise class so I'd be out anyway

Witchend Thu 12-Oct-17 15:46:01

I drop mine because it's cheaper and ridiculously hard by public transport, and she has a disability which means walking would be difficult wit the amount she has to carry.
It's about 10 minutes to drive, but would be two buses, one of which is only half hourly so would need to leave over an hour earlier to get there reliably. It would also cost us at the cheapest rate around £500 for the year to get a bus pass.

She'd prefer to walk/bus if it was possible.
Dd1 buses and ds walks. (different schools)

upperlimit Thu 12-Oct-17 15:46:55

My eldest has just recently started to cycle to school on his own in Y6. It takes him about 10 minutes. It's not laziness on my part because I am walking to the same school with my 8 yo. But ds1 craves this independence as I did at the same age. I do think it can be an easy way to loosen the apron strings but I'm not arrogant enough to insist that it is the only way to achieve this.

mintteaandbananabread Thu 12-Oct-17 15:52:24

Obviously if parents have work commitments etc then it's a different story

you might want to stop judging people who do thinks differently to you. It's twatty.

melj1213 Thu 12-Oct-17 15:55:00

Surely it depends on the practicality?

My DD currently goes to the primary school at the end of our road and is pretty much en-route to everything ... it's a 10 minute walk so most days we do walk, but if I have an appointment to go to then I will save the 20 minute round walk and just drop her off as I drive past the school. The same for pick up, I will usually walk there and we both walk home, but if I've been out I will stop and pick her up en-route home.

The secondary DD will most likely go to is a 40 minute walk, 10 minute bus or 5 minute drive from home ... when she goes she will most likely either walk with friends or take the bus (the stop is less than a minute's walk from our front door) I would only drive her if there was good reason as the school is not en-route to anything and I'd be going out of my way to drive her ... if it was lashing with rain on my day off then I wouldn't mind the detour but if it's a nice day and I have to get myself to work too, then DD can walk/get the convenient bus.

Frege Thu 12-Oct-17 15:55:47

I drop my DS (Y7) round the corner form school as I take his younger sister to her school at the same time. He walks home with a friend 2-3 times a week so hopefully is gaining some independence.

If you don't feel your DD is ready, don't do it. Not all kids are ready for the same stuff at the same time. But maybe introduce other things (eg walking to the local shop on her own or whatever).

Sirzy Thu 12-Oct-17 15:58:07

I think where possible children should walk, and I think that by the time they get to year 6 yes it does make sense to start preparing them for the independence of getting too and from School alone or with friends.

Bearlover16 Thu 12-Oct-17 15:59:00

Sometimes we walk, sometimes we drive.
Banana bread I fail to see how I'm being 'twatty' it's a general observation that if parents work and have to be out the house earlier then said child will have to make their own way to school.

RedSkyAtNight Thu 12-Oct-17 15:59:43

Aibu for not understanding that if you are able to drop / assist them to school then you should?

So if she still wants taking to school when she is at secondary school will you continue to take her?

Assuming it's possible for her to walk unaided, you're doing her a big disservice to not teach her some independence.

I'm able to do lots of things to help my children - such as tidying their rooms for example. But I choose not to, because they are skill they need to learn for themselves.

RedSkyAtNight Thu 12-Oct-17 16:01:42

If your DC is not capable of taking themselves to school, then this doesn't change just because you have work commitments ...
Parents who have to be out of the house earlier, could still just drop their DC at school earlier?

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 12-Oct-17 16:02:29

My dd is starting to ask about walking herself in yr6. I’m too ill to walk with her so I drive to school. Consequently she isn’t learning the life skills to walk alone. It’s along a busy road in a large village with a section of very narrow pavement. I won’t be letting her because it’s too dangerous. And I’m concerned about abductions as there was an attempt close by a few months ago.

Your child, your decisions. There is plenty of time to learn these things.

Bearlover16 Thu 12-Oct-17 16:02:55

Redsky absolutely I will be taking her providing she wants me to. The secondry school we have selected is quite far and across a couple of very busy main roads.

mintteaandbananabread Thu 12-Oct-17 16:05:59

Banana bread I fail to see how I'm being 'twatty' it's a general observation that if parents work and have to be out the house earlier then said child will have to make their own way to school

no, you're saying that parents SHOULD bring their kids to school and its only acceptable not to if they have a good reason such as being at work.
I could just as easily say that you SHOULD let them go on their own unless you have a very good reason not to, that you are contributing to traffic and pollution and not encouraging them to be independent and grow.
I wouldn't though because that would be judging and twatty.

knottybeams Thu 12-Oct-17 16:11:23

I am a fairly well functioning adult. I hold down a responsible job and keep myself, dp and DD (and bump) alive without too much fuss.

I was dropped at school throughout secondary until age 17 as it was about 20 mins drive, on dad's way to work and the woeful bus service would have cost a fortune. At 17 mum started teaching at my school so we began to share the driving.

I did walk from primary school inwhat would now be year 1 (love the early 80s!) and got the bus to primary after we moved house when I was 6, so not totally incapable of being independent.

Do what makes sense for your family. Except the walking home alone aged 6, that's bloody madness.

Allgoodfun Thu 12-Oct-17 16:18:03

OP it depends how far "quite far" is I think. I can see what you're saying, that you can easily take her so why wouldn't you, but it think they do need to start having some independence at that age. I take my dc if it's raining hard, or if I'm passing anyway, or if they're not feeling great, but other than that they enjoy walking with friends. Our primary was too far to walk so I'd always driven them, but they've all immediately walked for secondary with no problems.

Wallywobbles Thu 12-Oct-17 16:22:30

Our 8,11,11 and 12 years old catch a train and a bus too and from school, with a short walk at the end. Sorry but I think your primary role as a parent is to teach your kids to be independent.

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