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Everyone using me for childcare

(451 Posts)
Clueless1315 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:00:35

I have two children, a boy and a girl, I live in a flat, recently a new neighbour moved in above me with twin boys my sons age and a little girl the same age as my daughter. They attend the same nursery and school. One day she asked for my number to arrange a play date, I said okay. She called about 2 weeks later asking me to pick up her daughter from nursery, it progressed week by week till it was dropping off or collecting from nursery or school three times a week. Then when they were with me I'd give snacks. One of the twins had an allergy and she hadn't told me, I only found out on offering snacks one day and asking her about it that evening. When she would come for the kids she would text I'm going to come down for them in a couple minutes please put their coats and shoes on and have their bags ready. She has never offered me a penny or given me any food. I don't enjoy having my house constantly filled with kids, but she views it as I'm home and she's at work, therefore I can help out. But it's tiring and stressful.

So I was complaining to my friend one day and she said oh you should charge her at least £30 a day, she's getting free childcare. Anyways this friend was going to a wedding in Paris with her husband and asked me 4 months ago to have her three children, three little girls (12, 7, 5). She kept saying she would give money for them for food, for my time and for an activity or two. So I had the children for a week they're back with her now and she said she had put the money into my account. So imagine my shock when I went to the bank and it was only £20 in my account. Feeding them alone had cost more than that. I feel like such a mug. I'm on benefits and watching every penny but these cheeky fuckers have taken the piss.

And on her Facebook are photos of her shopping in Paris and visiting expensive restaurants and venues with her husband. They both have a higher income than me.

I think they're being extremely unreasonable about their childcare expectations.

OverbearingHouseSitter Thu 12-Oct-17 13:02:21

They are being unreasonable, but you know that!

Tell your neighbour you can't do it anymore. You don't even need to give a reason.

5rivers7hills Thu 12-Oct-17 13:02:29

Yes you are a mug. ask up front for money or better still tell her "no, I don#'t want to look after your children. Find a CM"

Shadow666 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:03:09

You’re a mug OP. Her kids aren’t your responsibility. You just have to start saying no and be firm.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:04:47

People can only take advantage of you if you let them. Say NO and say it often. Their childcare needs are not your responsibility.

2014newme Thu 12-Oct-17 13:04:48

Say no. You are mad to be doing all this.

TieGrr Thu 12-Oct-17 13:04:54

Ask your friend if she left a 0 off when transferring the money.

Shoxfordian Thu 12-Oct-17 13:04:55

You need to take some action here

Start by saying no to the neighbour. Say its not convenient and stop having her children in your flat.

Really you should have asked your friend how much she could give you for childcare. As you didn't you could message her and say thanks for the 20 but its actually been a lot more expensive than you anticipated so please would you be able to transfer x amount

Also say no in future

Just learn to say no!

Rheged Thu 12-Oct-17 13:05:16

You sound very nice but you are being an absolute mug. Stop enabling this cheeky fucker and just say no when she asks. Don't worry about upsetting her. She clearly doesn't give a toss if she upsets you.

Theresamayscough Thu 12-Oct-17 13:19:54

You will feel so much better op when you stand up for yourself.

No it doesn’t suit me is the Wayne forward. No excuses needed.

Test your neighbour right now and tell her you won’t be picking up get kids today or in the future as you are too busy

Clueless1315 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:21:41

Deep down I know I'm a mug of massive proportions, I get panic attacks at the thought of confronting others and hate disappointing people, but this is getting too much. I think they see how wonderful I am with kids and want to jump on the band wagon, others including my sister did too but it seems as soon as I mangage to push one out another replaces them.

I'm not being funny my neighbour doesn't know me, why trust her children to me.

Well I need to grow some balls and stop moaning but it's so hard, but I don't get any me time anymore and anytime to be with just my children.

Haha TieGrr I wish she'd forgotten the 0. But that's not the case, I just text saying I saw £20 in my account and she said, great and to treat myself to something nice in my weekly shop 😔. I haven't even replied back to that. Treat myself to a piece of a peanut you mean?

Mittens1969 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:22:02

I agree with PPs, you’ve let her take advantage of your kind nature. You need to learn to use the word no, and mean it.

Theresamayscough Thu 12-Oct-17 13:22:20

And fb message your friend telling her £20 is no where near enough and tell her the sum you expect.

If no joy put it on her fb picture posts to embaress her.

Theresamayscough Thu 12-Oct-17 13:24:55

Stop being wonderful with other people’s kids.

Btw don’t ever say that to anyone in rl will you. It sounds a tad boastful and look where it’s got you.

Other people’s kids are s pita. Ignore them going forward and no one will ask you again wink

Butterymuffin Thu 12-Oct-17 13:27:42

Rehearse saying 'I can't have the kids anymore. It's too much extra work for me'. Just that. Whatever she tries to get you to carry on, just come back to that. 'Yes, they're lovely but I can't do it anymore, it's too much extra work for me'. Broken record.

Travis1 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:27:44

I'd reply to her and just say 'ha ha very funny, when are you transferring the rest?' As for the neighbour next txt you get just reply 'no that doesn't work for me' and I'd seriously consider changing my number or blocking hers.

Butterymuffin Thu 12-Oct-17 13:28:40

The £20 situation is unfixable now. It's too late. Write that off, just don't let her continue to do this any longer.

2014newme Thu 12-Oct-17 13:30:27

It's weird you think Of yourself as their childcare yet they don't pay you. It's like. Modern day slavery! Text them saying you can't look after their children any more.

NaiceToMeetYou Thu 12-Oct-17 13:30:32

Clueless text you neighbour now saying 'Hi X, just giving you notice that as of Monday I won't be able to help with childcare anymore, hope you get sorted.'

Don't apologise. Don't give reasons, just that.

As for CF friend, I'm pretty gobsmacked at her cheek. Maybe '£20 for a whole week, seriously?? Haha good one.'

ChevalierTialys Thu 12-Oct-17 13:30:52

Speak to your neighbour calmly, telling her you're not a childminder and this has become too regular to put it down as a favour. Remind her that you've never agreed to ferry her children to/from school and care for them after school on a regular basis and that she needs to make proper childcare arrangements for them.

As for your friend, ask her how much she spends on food for the children per week then tell her she owes you whats left of that after taking the £20 off. Doesn't need to be confrontational, just casually drop it into conversation to behind with and then explain you've spent far more than £20 and you can't really afford not to be reimbursed. You only minded her children in the understanding that she would pay for their food and activities.

InDubiousBattle Thu 12-Oct-17 13:31:12

"Treat myself to something nice? It cost me more than £20 to feed your three children for the week I looked after them for free. You know this. Are you trying to insult me?"

Come on op! What are you doing allowing all of this nonsense! Think of all the extra time and energy you would have to devote to your kids if you didn't look after someone else's all of the time.

Appuskidu Thu 12-Oct-17 13:31:15

Say no-a lot. Don't let yourself be treated like this!!

StormTreader Thu 12-Oct-17 13:38:06

"actually, the food for the three of them was £x for the week, plus £x for the activities, and then something for my time would be nice as well. Could you transfer the rest over please before Friday?"

StormTreader Thu 12-Oct-17 13:38:49

I mean, a cattery would cost her more than that for a week for just one cat, and you looked after 3 kids!

Mittens1969 Thu 12-Oct-17 13:39:15

You really have been taken advantage of hugely. Your neighbour needs to sort out her own childcare for when she goes on holiday, and if she can’t she should either take her kid with her or not go!

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