Advanced search

AIBU to have no trust in my fiance?

(20 Posts)
kez1126 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:00:48

I *can't trust him. I dont believe anything he says. He hides stuff from me and when I question it he dodges or wont answer. Hes been away for a few weeks and the password on his ipad has changed. I used to know it. Cant understand why he would change it. Whats he hiding now? I HATE HIM but being pregnant and in a certain situation I cant get away. What do I do?

SnowBallsAreHere Thu 12-Oct-17 08:08:03

Don't marry him for starters.

Why can't you leave him?

jaseyraex Thu 12-Oct-17 08:10:24

Why can't you leave? Being pregnant doesn't stop you, he can still see the baby. There is no point being stuck in that kind of relationship. If there's no trust and you can't figure out a way to build trust, then it's never going to be there. You're going to end up married to a man you have with kids stuck in the middle and you'll be miserable. Get out while you can.

Bobbins43 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:12:03

For God’s sake, DON’T marry him. It’s a lot harder to get a divorce than it is to split up. If you don’t trust him, end it. Please. For your own sake. You can’t live with someone you don’t trust. It’ll ruin you.

whitehorsesdonotlie Thu 12-Oct-17 08:12:57

I HATE HIM but being pregnant and in a certain situation I cant get away. What do I do?

You leave him. Don't marry him, for heaven's sake.

You can leave him while pregnant, you know.

WhoWants2Know Thu 12-Oct-17 08:13:06

Being married to someone you don't trust and actively hate seems like something you would want to avoid.

kez1126 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:15:27

I dont want to marry him. Im in too deep though. I dont know how to leave and I dont know where to go. I have a daughter and cant leave without having somewhere to go. I have fallen out with family so cant stay with them and dont have friends anymore. I dont know what to do sad

ShatnersWig Thu 12-Oct-17 08:21:40

Kez I'm confused. Only a few days ago he came home to surprise you and you were really happy about it. Now you HATE him?

kez1126 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:24:00

Coz I thought things had changed... until he got home. Nothing confusing about it. Hes come back and gone straight back to his old ways. Its made me hate him. I cant help it

greendale17 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:27:42

No trust= no relationship

OnionKnight Thu 12-Oct-17 08:29:32

You need to leave him if you hate him that much, him changing the iPad passcode is the least of your worries.

I don't know my wife's passcode and she doesn't know mine, we are allowed some privacy.

ShatnersWig Thu 12-Oct-17 08:31:56

Never ceases to amaze me how many people have partners they don't trust, who have "old ways", yet have babies with them.

I think you need to put your current daughter and future child first and leave the relationship. As greendale says, no such thing as a relationship without trust.

If he was abusive you could turn to Women's Aid. If not, hopefully someone will come along and suggest where you might be able to go or who to contact if you really can't go to your family and have no friends.

kez1126 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:34:16

When we shared the ipad and i knew the passcode not once did I read his emails or facebook messages. I believe you should have privacy. Im not really allowed it. I caught him reading my messages on my phone yesterday. I dont mind. Ive got nothing to hide (thats the reason he knows my passwords for everything) But that makes me wonder.. why would he feel he needed to do that? Its making me crazy. I feel as though hes looking for something ive done wrong to take the heat off him. It vould be my hormones making me nuts or the situation. Either way I know its not healthy. Im struggling.

kez1126 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:35:32

*could be my hormones.

Peolealwaystalkabout Thu 12-Oct-17 08:38:39

Citizens Advice, local council, women’s shelter, shelter. Contact all of them, someone will help. universal Credits will give you enough to live on if you’re out of work/on low income. Council can help you find a council house, rent will be covered. It will be hard to start, but not as hard as you think and you’ll then have time to get your head and life sorted away from him. If it’s a simple misunderstanding maybe you can sort it and get back together, but for now this seems like the best option. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, people don’t know you need it unless you ask. Plus make friends, lots of them, join clubs, baby groups, anything you can do to meet people, this will massively help you I promise. You will be ok. If you feel down you can always ask your GP to refer you for counselling. Take care. X

kez1126 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:38:39

Yes my partner has "old ways" I chose to believe people change and Im a firm believer that People deserve a chance. I thought he had. We were fine for a long time and i fell pregnant. Hes come back here and its the same as it was a few years ago. I HATE him because this has happened when i am pregnant.

kez1126 Thu 12-Oct-17 08:39:53

Thank you peoplealwaystalkabout this was the kind of help I was looking for. smile x

Sugarpiehoneyeye Thu 12-Oct-17 08:42:22

Did you fall out with your family, because of him, by any chance ?
If you did, maybe they could see, what you couldn't, and might possibly welcome you back, with open arms.
Change your own passwords OP !

ShotsFired Thu 12-Oct-17 09:03:06

@Sugarpiehoneyeye Did you fall out with your family, because of him, by any chance ? If you did, maybe they could see, what you couldn't, and might possibly welcome you back, with open arms.

THIS, @kez1126

becotide Thu 12-Oct-17 09:07:57

Kez, I know you feel trapped, and maybe in the short term, you were. But you can leave him. Start making plans and saving money now. And password your own phone.

It's a sad fact that people DON'T change, not without massive personal effort to do so, regardless of what you choose to believe.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now