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Giving something and then asking for it back

(72 Posts)
taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 00:00:03

Family member gave us a baby car seat when they found out we were expecting, they had used it for their two children.

They said that they weren’t planning any more and to pass it on if we didn’t want it.

It wasn’t in great condition and was nearly 5 years old so decided to buy a new one for us. We put this one in our loft as didn’t have a chance to pop it into a charity shop and it stayed there until recently when family member found out they were expecting another baby and asked for it back.

We were glad we hadn’t thrown it and gave it back but couldn’t find the clips that go on the pram.

We are adamant we hadn’t thrown them away , but things have been moved in an out of our loft so much in the past 6 months that they might have slipped in with something else.

Family member want us to replace the clips which we are about onto order.

AIBU to think that if you give someone something and tell them you don’t need it back that if you don’t have it to give back when they change their mind that it’s not our fault?

MrsOverTheRoad Thu 12-Oct-17 00:03:35

YANBU. I'd have said no!

DesignedForLife Thu 12-Oct-17 00:42:05

YANBU, they need to fork out.

SipsiCat Thu 12-Oct-17 00:44:18

Yanbu, it's their problem, also as it's so old they should buy a new one for safety purposes.

NikiBabe Thu 12-Oct-17 00:47:41

I would have said no. Handed it back and that was that

Sohurt17 Thu 12-Oct-17 00:50:16

How strange! YANBU

taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 00:51:54

We handed the seat back a few weeks ago and said we couldn’t find the clips.

Assumed that would be that.

It wasn’t until a few days ago that they are asking about them again and now wanting us to replace them.

MamaLeen Thu 12-Oct-17 00:53:53

YANBU. That's just rude to do that. Tell them you can't find a site to buy the clips as it's too old. And remind them car seats have expiry dates.

taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 00:55:08

The family member has sent an eBay link to both my DP and I to ensure we buy the right ones so can’t use that excuse unfortunatley

taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 01:03:11

I can’t help thinking I’m just being stubborn as the replacements will cost us £20-25.

Money is tight as I’m on maternity leave, but I can afford to pay £20 if it means some peace and quiet from family member going on about them.

It’s the principal of paying out for something that we didn’t even need and that this has meant that their ‘kind gesture’ has actually cost us money rather than helped us in any way

InsomniacAnonymous Thu 12-Oct-17 01:06:10

Just refuse outright and tell them exactly why. It's outrageous behaviour on their part. Don't let them get away with it.

steff13 Thu 12-Oct-17 01:25:25

They need to get a new one; theirs is likely expired.

Oxcheeks Thu 12-Oct-17 01:27:33

They are being very cheeky, it's up to them to sort out clips etc, you could have sent it to charity shop but you didn't. Do you think that they are fishing for your DCs cast-offs considering the age and state of the seat? They are CFs

HeebieJeebies456 Thu 12-Oct-17 01:28:40

Just tell them straight you never used it due to safety issues. You've given it back and that's the end of it.

Haven't regulations changed on baby/child car seats anyway since she bought the thing?
Lets hope she doesn't find some excuse as to why it's your fault that she can't use it/it's beyond repair....and demands that you replace it....

taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 01:36:38

My other concern is there is a family event coming up which involves the whole family staying together for 3 nights.

I have a feeling she has picked her moment to ask as she won’t expect me to cause a fuss when we need to all be getting along in a few weeks time.

Should we just buy them to keep the peace?

I’m bit fed up about it as I thought it would have been the end of it when we gave the seat back

Corcory Thu 12-Oct-17 01:42:07

Just buy the blinking clips and be done with it I say. Lesson learnt.

EssentialHummus Thu 12-Oct-17 01:45:56

They said that they weren’t planning any more and to pass it on if we didn’t want it.

This is the crux of it really. They didn’t want it back. They’re bloody lucky you had it still. Thry can get their own bloody clips. And car seats have expiry dates, rightly or wrongly.

RhiWrites Thu 12-Oct-17 01:46:48

Buy them and never accept a gift/loan again ever.

brownfang Thu 12-Oct-17 01:48:42

Healthy rational option is to refuse to pay the £25 AND also refuse to ever accept any "gifts" from them ever again.

KC225 Thu 12-Oct-17 01:51:08

I would'nt buy clips for something I have never used and they told me to give away. Perhaps they need reminding of the original conversation.

You have given the car seat back. Explain, that you never actually used it, so you don't know if the clips were included. Say you are not buying clips but you are not going to a charge them a storage fee for homing their car seat for the past 5 years.

yorkshireyummymummy Thu 12-Oct-17 01:57:02

I would say sorry I couldn't find the clips but you gave this seat to us, told us you did not want it anymore and to pass it on if we didn't use it.
If you had told me there was a chance you may want it back then I would have declined you giving it to me initially. Sorry, but I'm still on maternity and I'm not paying for the clips. Your relatives are CF's.
I have seen remarks on other threads lately which say that if we stood up to these CF's more then they would stop. Their behaviour is out of order because we allow it.
Tell them you are not paying for the clips.
Stop the CF's!!!
And also tell them when you give something away it's not yours anymore so if it gets damaged or bits get lost then tough shit !!!!

SouthWindsWesterly Thu 12-Oct-17 02:02:38

Did they even give it to you with the clips?

taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 02:04:07

They definitley have the clips. I remember seeing them and giving them to DP to put somewhere safe blush

taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 02:04:29

*have = gave

taloolahhh Thu 12-Oct-17 02:07:16

yorkshire - we have said that if there was a chance that we would need to give the seat back we wouldn’t have accepted it (considering we didn’t want it too!)

But this seemed to be taken as an insult and was told that they have given other baby bits to friends and when they told them they were expecting again that the friends were only too happy to return the items hmm

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