To consider putting a wig in the bed(33 Posts)
My long hair has been dd’s ‘comfort blanket’ since she was a newborn. She’d twirl it through her fingers as I fed her and it was really sweet.
She’s now 15 months old. We co-sleep and she won’t fall asleep unless I’m lying next to her (both for naps and bedtime) and I have to lie with my face next to hers so that she can play with my hair until she goes to sleep. If I move away she cries. This wouldn’t be too bad except for the fact that she pulls really hard, especially as she’s got bigger and stronger! She kind of grabs a handful, pulls her fingers down through the hair then re-grabs and pulls again, repeatedly. She especially likes to go for the hair around my hairline, and pulls so hard she snaps the hairs. It’s really unpleasant and my hair’s thin and broken enough through a combination of postnatal hair loss and being anaemic for ages. Tying my hair back doesn’t make a difference as she still goes for the hairline. It’s even worse if she has an unsettled night for whatever reason, as it then goes on all night which obviously stops me sleeping and results in a very sore scalp the next day.
I really don’t know what to do - if I move away she cries, because I’m taking away her ‘comfort blanket’ so that seems really cruel! But I’m not going to have any hair left at this rate.
What do I do?! I’ve tried actual comfort blankets (she was given a few of the bunny ones) but she’s not interested.
Is she teething? My DCs were/are always very pinchy during breastfeeding when teething. Some Calpol helped to reduce the pinching.
Otherwise, YANBU to try whatever you can. Perhaps a dolly with long hair would do?
You need to woman up and say "No" to her when she starts hurting you.
That's all there is to it really. Sorry.
She is teething but she does it even when she’s not!
SaucyJack it’s all very well saying ‘woman up’ but I don’t know of any 15 month olds that respond to ‘no’ on its own without also having the thing removed from them. If it was anything else, I’d say no, then remove the thing/remove her from the situation but I can’t do that in this situation without her being inconsolably upset and not going to sleep. It’s understandable because it’s her comforter.
But surely it's more "cruel" to give her the message that it's ok to hurt you? Being a mother isn't a sacrifice thing. Yes, you put your kids first, but you need to draw the line too.
I was convinced my dd could not fall asleep without feeding. My partner and I explained to her that she wouldn't be feeding to sleep, then lay either side of her , each with a hand on her tummy, and she cried for 6 minutes, then fell a sleep.
I would have bet the house that she would be up for hours.
Then put up with it. I don't know what other solution you want.
She needs to be told no. every time.
ie " NO Dd that hurts. mummy will hold/stroke your hand"
Sounds very difficult . You know you need to stop it; I can't see that trying a wig would do any harm but wouldn't bank on it being a solution.
Have you spoken to your health visitor about it?
ohyesiam Maybe I need to try saying no, move away and let her cry then... it’s just it’s something I’ve never done so it’s a difficult thing to contemplate. How old was your dd when you stopped the feeding to sleep?
No I hadn’t thought of speaking to a HV, that’s an idea
Could you buy her a dolly with life like hair?
Would you consider moving her to her own room/bed?
Discotits that’s an idea, yes. I think because she’s used to some resistance to the pulling I’d have to attach it to the headboard though! But that’s definitely possible
You have to train her to sleep without your hair. That will involve some crying but not for long.
As for moving her - she’s got a lovely room with a cot but she won’t let me leave her at the moment. I’m sure there are plenty of people on here who’d advise me to just let her cry but I just can’t do it.
OP, I wear soft jersey nightshirts, and my DD used to grab a corner of it and rub it on her face. It was soft and smelt of me, so I suppose that's why she liked it. Could you try and give her something like that? It also meant that if I wasn't there, she could cuddle my nightshirt.
You really can't have her pulling out your hair. Try and replace her comfort habit with something else.
Ha OP, one of mine twiddled my hair. I had to wear a hat to stop it! She didn't sleep well until after 18 months.
(another one of mine used to fiddle with my ear while she fed - that was REALLY annoying )
Up to you of course but yes it really would be worth speaking to your HV - they may be able to help or may suggest someone who can. Even if they are not helpful you have not lost anything. If the (very good) suggestions on here don't work you may need some professional advice on how to stop it.
I totally empathise Specificbreeze. When DD gets too pinchy, I hold her hand and she kinds of grab my finger instead. She knows she is not supposed to pinch but can't help as teething hurts and she is trying to get comfort and fall asleep.
That sounds like a really difficult situation. I totally understand that you don't want to upset her, it's her comfort and at 15 months any understanding she has is out the window when she's tired.
DS1 was slightly younger when I decided I'd had enough of breastfeeding- he'd comfort suck all night. DH had to step up and take over nights- bedtime and night wakes. Cosleeping for a while- I went into spare room.
It wasn't as bad as I expected in terms of DS bding upset. Over time we had to find new little routines that worked. Bedtimes were longer and more tedious as I had surrendered my super power. But we continued cosleeping so I know he was happy and comforted.
I feel you pain op my ds does the same! At one stage I un-plaited a plait headband (that I had anyway) and fooled him into thinking it was my hair- it worked for a while until it got massively tangled so I chucked it-might do it again!
Oh god reminds me of both my kids my DD now 3 used to play with your lips till she fell asleep but would get rough and go into your mouth we ended it by putting a dummy in each hand and one in her mouth lol
My Ds now 2 wants to suck on your skin literally anywhere he can reach. I took him off the breast at 6months so he ended up sucking my shoulders, arms and face if I fell asleep. He's old enough to be told no now but he gets very upset and sometimes try's to whack you. I just say no and give him a kiss.
Weird kids I know!
Best bet is to
A) remove her from your bed and get her own bed/cot ad sing/hum her to sleep it will be hard but if your persistent they do listen and give up my DD cried for 3nights for about 30mins but after that she stoped.
B) just say no kiss her hand and keep her fingers busy i.e., play with her fingers.
Izzy I have, at points (normally during one of the long restless nights) considered buying a swimming hat and wearing that to bed! But she’d only cry anyway
Mammatron yeah I’m thinking along those lines! I’ve actually got some clip-in hair extensions somewhere so one of those could work. Would have to make it shorter though so it’s not a risk. Or I could try teaortequila’s strategy with the three dummies!
At 15 months I think like a pp suggested you can tell her she can go to sleep without mummy's hair and will be fine. She might not be talking much but I bet she could understand that - and is young enough to believe everything you say too, so as long as you are firm and confident, I would try that. Don't merely withold yourself/your hair, but calmly state the fact that she is going to sleep without it.
Also, have you thought of going out/away and leaving her at home with her dad? I weaned one of mine at this sort of age from night waking/feeding - he knew I wasn't there, and made remarkably little fuss - in fact I think he slept through, and that was that!
I'm not sure a wig would work! Wouldn't she know?
I think you have to change the comforter/sleep association, what about holding her hand/rubbing her hand and singing? A teddy? Reading a book? Something you can repeat and repeat to link it with just before sleeping? Can you try it first at nap times? Do a night where she is exhausted and likely to sleep after a short time?
The above is similar to what I did, so now I still hold DDs hand and sing until she is asleep
which I thought was a bit of a faff until I just read you have your hair pulled out and a sore scalp
Gladys yes I’ll try telling her she can sleep without my hair, I hadn’t thought that she could understand that yet but if she can then great. Her dad’s not involved so can’t ask for his help with it
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