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To not like how we're doing Christmas this year?

(385 Posts)
BlueButTrue Wed 11-Oct-17 20:38:02

SIL (I think was the first time announce it, can't remember), has said we aren't getting each other's children presents this year (so nieces and nephews).

MIL announced that there will be no Christmas dinner, just 'picky bits' confused

I've never known a Christmas like it.

I told my own DM what's going on and she said "well aren't you a bit put out, you always spent a fortune on their children every year yet now you'll have your own baby this year, he won't be getting anything?"

My answer was no, I'm fine with it, because I hate tat and don't like clutter/things I dislike in my house grin

The Christmas dinner thing is always really bothering me.

AIBU to suggest to the family that instead of no presents for each other's children, we see a strict spending limit for each child and have to stick to it? So maybe £10 a child or something and that's strictly it so no one feels embarrassed?

The no present thing is more because BIL and wife, and SIL can't really afford to this year. But we aren't loaded either, and I always manage it easily - I buy well in advance and look out for offers.

Would you be happy with no Christmas dinner and no present sharing?

cheesydoesit Wed 11-Oct-17 20:42:15

I wouldn't be fussed about the presents but I am looking forward to a proper Christmas dinner this year. Why don't you suggest everyone bring a dish on a £10 budget instead? Or stay at home and do it your way?

Crunchymum Wed 11-Oct-17 20:43:47

I couldn't give a shit about no presents but no Christmas dinner and I wouldn't be attending.

Surfingwhippet Wed 11-Oct-17 20:44:01

The presents wouldn't worry me but i would definitely want Christmas dinner

ShatnersBassoon Wed 11-Oct-17 20:44:07

No presents wouldn't bother me. In fact I'd welcome that. No festive dinner seems a bit miserable. Could you offer to host that part, if your MIL doesn't fancy doing it?

Do you think they might be dropping massive hints?

bonfireheart Wed 11-Oct-17 20:44:17

If they can't afford it then I wouldn't say anything.

RonniePasas Wed 11-Oct-17 20:46:06

The present thing wouldn't bother me, you will have more to spend on your own child, and it will be tasteful rather than tat.

No proper Christmas dinner would really bug me though. Can you do your own thing this year? Can you host the rest of them.? Cooking Christmas dinner for a large crowd is expensive and hard work, perhaps your MIL has had enough?

Appuskidu Wed 11-Oct-17 20:46:33

The presents wouldn't bother me, but the dinner would. Who normally cooks-do you take it in turns?

I would be staying at home and cooking myself a Christmas dinner-they can have picky bits in their own house if that's what floats their boat.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 11-Oct-17 20:47:20

If they can't afford the presents they can't afford them so I'd drop that bit.

To MIL no thanks to invite - we'll be staying at home for first Christmas with our new baby and a turkey!

rookiemere Wed 11-Oct-17 20:47:36

What on earth is "picky bits" ?
If you're there over dinner time then you should receive - or be asked to contribute/help cook - some sort of meal.
Sounds miserable and I wouldn't go- or I'd have your own proper christmas meal at home then head there for the afternoon.

Picky bits indeed - Thats even worse than the thread lastbyear where OP was planning to serve an Indian takeaway on Christmas Day.

SangriaInTheSun Wed 11-Oct-17 20:48:35

That's poor behaviour from your sil, you've bought her dcs presents but as soon as you have a child it's suddenly 'no presents?' I wouldn't make a fuss but I would be rather unimpressed tbh.

I would be outraged at picky bits for Christmas dinner on the other hand! shock grin Do you have to go?

PodgeBod Wed 11-Oct-17 20:50:08

I would be pissed off that I had bought their kids presents but my own baby was getting nothing. Picky bits for Christmas dinner- piss off.
Go to your mums or stay home and have a proper Christmas.

AuntLydia Wed 11-Oct-17 20:50:58

So are adults buying for each other still? If so I'd find that very odd. Me and my siblings gave up buying for each other years ago and set a £10 limit on the kids. Sounds like Mil doesn't fancy cooking and that's fair enough - can you host? Or have your own dinner on Xmas eve?

WhirlwindHugs Wed 11-Oct-17 20:51:12

I think if they are skint, it would be really unfair to insist they buy gifts, even if you do had a small budget in mind.

How many nieces and nephews are there? 4 at 10 pounds each is forty quid which is a lot of money.

No Christmas dinner would be sad though! Is MIL hosting? Is she worried about not being able to manage the cooking? Could some of the siblings step up and offer to cook for her or bring food?

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday Wed 11-Oct-17 20:51:23

Surely people can spend a few pounds on presents for the children? How many are there all together?

No Xmas dinner?shock I thought that was against the law!

cheesydoesit Wed 11-Oct-17 20:51:32

Haha, we had Christmas lunch at my parents last year and my dad insisted on having an Indian take away. It was nice enough but not the same. I'm cooking this year, already got my Good Housekeeping Christmas edition out and have perused the Christmas forum grin

Santawontbelong Wed 11-Oct-17 20:51:48

Tel her you will be over after you proper Christmas lunch at home! .

TheNoodlesIncident Wed 11-Oct-17 20:52:01

Is it like a buffet style idea, with platters of pigs in blankets and things like that?

We did that one year and it was great, but if you're looking forward to a traditional dinner with all the trimmings, I guess it might feel a bit like a let down. Could you do as cheesy suggests and all bring a dish/side/pudding, that can be easier on those on a tight budget as they might be asked to bring roast veg for example, rather than the turkey...?

No presents even for the children is OK if they are small enough not to notice anything

MrsJayy Wed 11-Oct-17 20:52:31

Maybe mil is up to here with doing christmas and decided bugger it however picky bits wtf is that about? either offer to take a dish each or stay home go to your own mums. The presents wouldn't bother me though

Ttbb Wed 11-Oct-17 20:53:08

All I want for Christmas is to spend it with my family. Food and presents are neither here nor there.

Cath2907 Wed 11-Oct-17 20:53:09

How about a secret Santa type thing? Then there are cheap silly presents to enjoy. I too would want a festive meal. Turkey not necessary but a proper meal and then party games or other festive fun!!!

BlueButTrue Wed 11-Oct-17 20:53:46

Thanks for the replies all star

Nope, I won't offer to cook the Christmas dinner - DS due in November (probably be here before Halloween though), so not sure it's wise to commit to such a thing with a small newborn

I don't see why they can't afford £10 max each for each child, there aren't many. But I'll let it pass.

As for being irked about DS getting nothing, I can't say I'm bothered but I love buying for my nieces and nephews sad I'm more bothered about that really

DS will only be a few weeks and I'm not actually buying him anything as such, may wrap a few bits 'for him' for my own pleasure though

ILoveDolly Wed 11-Oct-17 20:54:30

If they don't want to have presents or a Christmas meal then why bother going there at all? Stay home and have a nice dinner to yourselves.
We did picky bits one year at home but only because everyone was getting together on Boxing Day instead and had all agreed to do the Turkey then.

TabbyMumz Wed 11-Oct-17 20:54:52

Have Xmas dinner in your own house and visit them before or after. Then everyone is happy. Perhaps mil is fed up cooking a big meal for everyone.

Mama234 Wed 11-Oct-17 20:55:03

What no christmas dinner? Whats the point? I agree with pp I would be having my own christmas at mine.

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