Is this an Insane idea? Two babies under two?!(199 Posts)
Name change as potentially outing!
My DH and I had our first baby 3 months ago and we’ve always wanted two children. We are considering trying for another in the new year, and if successful it would mean we’d have a newborn and a 17 month old. We could manage financially on DH wage, but I don’t know anyone other than my parents generation who have had two children very close together.
Am I insane to be considering this?!
My train of thought is as follows...
⁃Two siblings close in age so they can grow up together
⁃We want two children and this way it’s ‘done’ in a short space of time
⁃We’re already used to the sleep deprivation
⁃Already set up for a baby
⁃They would go to school within a year if each other so I could go back to work properly once they’re 4yrs without having to stagger a return
⁃Things will be tight financially for a couple of years
⁃Obvious sleep deprivation will continue for some time
⁃No family nearby so will be doing this pretty much by myself (apart from DH helping evenings/weekends) 24/7
⁃Pregnant with a toddler!
⁃Will be out of the workplace for 4 years
⁃Whilst my LOs labour was very quick I’m apprehensive about giving birth again
I would really appreciate people’s comments/thoughts/ experiences who have done this or are thinking about doing this!
Thanks in advance xx
I'll let you know in May! Will have a 19 month gap and am worried about it. Other people have managed before so I know I can, it's just very daunting.
It’s not that uncommon! You’d be fine. I had 17 months between my 1st two and then 19 months between the next one. It all worked out well. Good luck!
I have exactly the same age gap and it's fab - do it.
Another 3 under 3.5 here - was busy, insanely busy, but we totally score now. they are all interested int he same thing, so, family holidays are easy.
My brother's wife had 3 in 17 months. That's really busy!
P.s pregnant and a toddler is hard work so don't be afraid to ask for help.
I've found the newborn stage hard work with two but a lot easier than my first.
Thank you for the quick replies; hope it all goes well in May PP!
I’m under no illusion it’ll be very hard work, and I like the idea of my children being close together in age, but I don’t know whether I’m being reasonable in seriously considering getting pregnant again so soon after giving birth!
22 months between my two, much to my mother's horror. She now sees that they play well together.
I won't lie though, the early days were incredibly tough.
I'm 23 weeks pregnant and have a 9 month old. It's actually not too bad. We'll have a 13 month age gap. Have to see what it's like when baby's here!
15.5 months between mine. Im not going to lie - it was BRUTAL.... but it got it done and dusted on one go.... I know that doesnt sound the nicest way of phrasing it, but it kind of sums it up in one sentence.
All sleep deprivation was over in 3 year rather than having one, getting to 4 and then starting all over again.
all nappies / potty training over in 3 years too.
Now they go to the same school (age 8 and 9) and are just one year apart. so they know the same teacher / each others friends etc. They go to the same sports club for karate and are very very close. They high five each other in the corridor at school and give each other a cuddle before they leave to go to school.
If I had to live my life all over again I would always have children close together. I see friends now with 7/8/ 9 year olds with a 2 year old as well and it seems much harder. Thy dont want to watch the same films in the cinema, after school activities to share are hard, trying to do homework whist dealing with a 2 year old meltdown, etc etc. So to me the hard work is when they are little when they are close together - then it just gets better and better.
It did cost us a fortune in childminders though.... about £1200 a month !
Dont assume that siblings close in age will 'grow up together' and 'be close'. In my experience it was quite the reverse. 20 years of constant fighting, it is soul destroying to the point we stopped having holidays and going out because they fought so much.
So if you want two that close, all well and good, but don't assume it's going to be an Enid Blyton fairy tale and skipping off hand in hand. t may well be, orit may be more Lord of the Flies
I had two under two, and then three under four. The biggest plus was that I never had to do the school run with a baby! Now they're older (8, 10 and 11) they all get on really well.
Go for it! I am. DD is 20 months and my second is due on Monday. Only thing I’d say is second pregnancy is tougher / more tiring as your now running after a little person all day!
But my brother and I are not v close as adults despite being 18m apart, so I'm aware this may change.
I had 3, 2 and under, was hard work (even harder as one is autistic) but much easier then the 6 year gap I had with the eldest.
Thank you for all your replies!
I’m starting to feel quite positive and (dare I say it!) excited about this... I know it’ll be brutal as you’ve all said, and I know pretty much all our friends, family and colleagues will think we’re insane, but I think I want to do this...!
Ahhh I can’t believe I’ve just typed this...!!
After my LOs birth I thought ‘there’s no way in hell I’m doing that again!’, but I think we could do it, and whilst it’ll be the hardest thing we’ve ever done initially, it’ll be worth it in the end won’t it?
I'd also mention the eldest one doesn’t get to be a baby for very long either. Unwittingly you force them to take responsibility and grow up because you have the encumbrance of a new baby. My eldest still makes reference to things from toddler days he perceives as an injustice.
Whilst having one school year gap, inadvertently they also compete at school, for friendship groups. They are compared by teachers. It's kind of like having twins and it's difficult for them to have their own personalities.
I know quite a few people with a less than 2 year ago gap, I don't think it's that uncommon - you'll get to know more as your baby gets older you just probably haven't bumped into them yet as they don't go to the newborn baby groups!
I think also the reason there aren't more maybe is that lots of women don't get their periods back for a year or more after the first baby because of breast feeding. Along those lines I'd say the only thing I'd really be cautious about is to make sure your body is ready to go through pregnancy again i.e if you are breast feeding that can really take it out of you so make sure you are getting enough nutrients etc. One of my friends got pregnant 3 months after a c-section and the doctors weren't happy with her as they said it puts undue pressure on the scar...Other than that go for it!
We have a 13 month age gap here. I found it surprisingly easy in the early days - maybe because the newborn days from DS1 were still so fresh.
One little niggle that's popped up recently is that DS2 doesn't know what to do with himself now that he and DS1 are doing alternate days at playschool. I didn't realise quite how much of his confidence came from having his older brother with him all the time, I guess they've been treated a bit like twins so far being taken to the same places together and doing the same things.
We have 2 planned 15 months apart, we were older and needed to crack on
They’re almost 14 and just turned 15 now and still close
Yes it can be hard work but they bring each other on, you pass through stages quicker so the terrible stages are quickly over and done never to be revisited
They have similar activities at the same stage so one isn’t left out or fed up doing ‘baby’ things
If that’s what you want go for it and don’t listen to the doom sayers, we would do it this way again out of choice as we both hated having much older siblings
I wouldn't do it. Studies show that less than a 2 year age gap increases jealousy and competition between siblings. The older one doesn't get to enjoy being a baby and they need that for their development.
Just my opinion though, I'm sure there are happy families with a small age gap.
My 2 dc are 11 months apart and I’m expecting a 3rd in December so will have 3 under 3 then.
Having ds then dd was lovely, becuase ds was so small dd just sort of slotted in to the “baby” routine we already had. I was lucky to get two good sleepers though!
DS is now 2 and DD 1 and they are so sweet together and the best of friends, it makes me melt seeing them together when ds is helping dd with something or holding her hand
Also I have a 14 (almost 15mo) just now, the idea of being heavily pregnant / trying to feed a newborn and looking after him seems almost impossible. They're still babies at that age.
Sounds very sensible. My gap wasn't as small (28 months) but it was a blessing for me to get the newborn early years stuff out the way "in one go" - had we left it much longer normality would have returned and I would have clung onto my sleep filled nights with a fiery passion and nothing could have convinced me to do it again! Good luck.
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