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AIBU to go batshit at my MIL?

(72 Posts)
candypanda283 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:54:41

Link to original thread:

Our Dr advised we keep our prem babies away from a great grandparent with shingles until the rash was gone. My mil thought it was unreasonable as 6 months later the person was unable to get rid of the shingles. Anyway she told us to take our babies round as the rash was gone. I let the family member hold one of them and then they caught chicken pox and my husband has lost over 400 pounds this week as baby has been so poorly and needed to go to out of hours on numerous occasions. When confronted MIL acknowledged she knew the rash was still there but "a nurse" told her it wasn't shingles so she told us it was gone.

AIBU to go batshit at my mil?we are skint this month now and my baby has had pox in his throat and been inconsolable all week. I'm livid.

candypanda283 Wed 11-Oct-17 14:55:30

Ps they are 6 months old so not tiny but still massively shit

CoraPirbright Wed 11-Oct-17 14:59:09

The stupidity and selfishness of these people beggars belief. They believed that their 'right' to see the babies outweighed their responsibility to keep them safe and healthy. Not one of them would be seeing my children again for a looooong time after a stunt like this. Poor you, you must be beside yourself with worry and rage. flowers

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 11-Oct-17 14:59:14

Shingles for 6 months and still had blisters? Once they have crusted, like chicken pox, it is no longer contagious.

It could be a coincidence.

A person with active shingles can spread the virus when the rash is in the blister-phase. A person is not infectious before the blisters appear. Once the rash has developed crusts, the person is no longer contagious.

Anatidae Wed 11-Oct-17 14:59:19


She can’t be trusted to keep your children safe from a very real threat.

What will you do? Going batshit is no use, it only gives her ammo to say you’re unreasonable.
You need to very calmly lay out what the consequences for your child could be and what the consequences for your husband have been. Then you need to think of how to proceed in terms of her seeing them - no unsupervised access etc.

I hope they get better.

LovelyPrep Wed 11-Oct-17 14:59:59

shock yeah I think I'd be having a bit of a word..

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 11-Oct-17 15:01:29

I cant get past 6 months with shingles. It lasts 4 weeks. Is the 6 months a typo?

Anatidae Wed 11-Oct-17 15:06:06

It can last longer - it’s not uncommon to have recurrent outbreaks that kind of blend into one another, especially if the person is older /weak immune system/on certain drugs.

ohlittlepea Wed 11-Oct-17 15:07:44

this is awful sad so selfish!!!

MissFlashpants Wed 11-Oct-17 15:08:45

But if she was told by a nurse that it wasn't shingles....?

notanurse2017 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:08:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DesignedForLife Wed 11-Oct-17 15:13:10

6 months with shingles still in blisters? Doesn't sound right! Are you sure kids didn't pick up elsewhere?

AnnetteCurtains Wed 11-Oct-17 15:16:36

I'd go mad at her

IamImportantToo Wed 11-Oct-17 15:17:58

Bullshit was she told it wasn’t shingles. She just thought you were being fussy and PFB. My mum is like that.

I’d ask her to give you £400 to cover lost wages. I’d also be very calm and civil but tell her of the worst case scenario which could have happened and say you feel the trust is gone and it will take a long time to return.

Dont go batshit. It wont give you any relief and risks your behaviour being held up by her as another example of how neurotic you are.

Motherofterriers Wed 11-Oct-17 15:18:46

I would be so angry. I would let her know the consequences - spell out the pain your children are going through and the financial impact. Then I would stay well away from her.

My mother was always doing things like this - overriding what I had said, claiming "she knew it was perfectly all right".

Ttbb Wed 11-Oct-17 15:20:28

I would stop talking to her. That is so selfish. She clearly doesn't love her grandchildren or her son to put them through that.

BlueSapp Wed 11-Oct-17 15:21:13

Yes go batshit at her and tell her to stump up the cash for hubby missing out with work, I never understand people who completely question a mothers instinct. My MIL is like this but I don't care about offending her anymore I will do whats best for my family.

Hope baby gets better soon.

PurpleMinionMummy Wed 11-Oct-17 15:21:24

Shingles for 6 mths? That's unusual and probably why the nurse said it wasn't shingles.

ohlittlepea Wed 11-Oct-17 15:23:29

if she cant understand how vulnerable an ex preterm baby is to infections she needs to sort her life out sad absolute bollocks to a nurse saying it wasnt shingles.

Batteriesallgone Wed 11-Oct-17 15:24:39

Shingles can last a long time especially if the person catches something else while poorly and ends up with a weakened immune system, it can be a real bugger to shift.

I wouldn't go apeshit, I would just refuse to see them for a while, and make sure when I did I had a decent plan for leaving if I suspected any of them were ill or being selfish dicks in other ways.

What about your DH? What has he said to his mum?

WitchesHatRim Wed 11-Oct-17 15:29:37

6 months with shingles still in blisters? Doesn't sound right! Are you sure kids didn't pick up elsewhere?

^ this

candypanda283 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:37:37

They've had it 6 months as they have a problem. With their immune system. My husband is fuming as she is always undermining us and thinks we are really precious.
I am pissed because I specifically said "I don't care what the nurse has said the GP has said absolutely no contact until the rash is gone" So she chose to just lie about it sad

HotelEuphoria Wed 11-Oct-17 15:37:57

"How long shingles lasts

It can take up to 4 weeks for the rash to heal. The skin can be painful for weeks after the rash has gone, but it usually settles in time"

NHS website

candypanda283 Wed 11-Oct-17 15:38:12

Sorry my punctuation is all over the place! On my tablet and it's not playing along

Jux Wed 11-Oct-17 15:39:04

6 months is a looong time for shingles, as posters have said. It's probably a coincidence your baby got the pox.

Still, I can see why you're angry as someone has gone out when they're infectious or taken their child out (more likely "only for 10 mins while I quickly pick up some veg from supermarket...." is the usual selfish and thoughtless story).

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