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AIBU to be annoyed with my OH

(12 Posts)
Pinky333777 Wed 11-Oct-17 10:02:36

Last night my OH said he’d just have maybe 4 scrumpy ciders and a go on the PlayStation before bed, then join me.
I didn’t bother staying awake.
Those four scrumpies, half a bottle of gin (and I don’t know if there was anything else) later he collapses into bed like a zombie.
Within seconds he’s in a half sleep state, sitting up in bed yelling “aaaaaahhhh, f*ck off!” so loudly he starts the neighbours dog barking.
He continues to talk and shout in his sleep, mad at me for something or other - I’ve no idea what he’s dreaming about.
I then get hit on the head before he begins to snore very loudly.
I end up on the sofa at 2am, trying to get in a bit of sleep before being up for work at 6am.
This is the second time this week this has happened, and has happened several times in the past.
He sometimes sleeps on the couch himself so as not to wake me, which I appreciate!
Anyway,
I spoke with my oh this morning and said I was a bit upset with his behaviour, and that I think he needs to stop drinking so much at once or mixing drinks in such a way he gets himself into that state.
According to him, I’m unreasonable for being cross because he “didn’t do it intentionally”.
I wasn’t actually angry at him, just annoyed (and sleep deprived. I’m 5months pregnant and find I really need my sleep)
But somehow I’m left feeling in the wrong for feeling put out.
Am I over reacting?
I’m so upset right now, but that’s hormones. I’ve has such a tearful week this week and feel really low and fed up.
I just thought I’d come on here for some perspective.
I’m pretty sure it’s not me - despite my heightened emotions!

thedinosaur Wed 11-Oct-17 10:05:28

YANBU in my opinion a responsible grown adult man who is about to be a father should be able to control his alcohol intake especially on a weekday/night. Is he working today?

Is he intending to carry on this way once the baby is born?

19lottie82 Wed 11-Oct-17 10:06:00

God no, you're not over reacting.
Even 4 ciders on a Tuesday night is quite a lot, never mind a half bottle of gin!
I'm not one for using statements lightly, but he has a drinking problem.
Will he continue to drink like this when the baby arrives?

Branleuse Wed 11-Oct-17 10:10:20

he was verbally abusive and then fucking hit you on the head when he was drunk, and he thinks YOURE being unreasonable

Birdsgottafly Wed 11-Oct-17 10:10:30

Be now got to an age were mixing my drinks has the same effect, so I don't do it.

If he does it again then he is doing it intentionally and you need to make that clear.

He shouldn't be drinking like that twice a week, in the house, with a baby on the way.

MaidOfStars Wed 11-Oct-17 10:30:45

I sometimes drink on weeknights, and sometimes more than I should. But I never make a statement of intent about it. I can't imagine saying 'Right husband, I'm going to have four beers before bed' hmm

He deliberately, and with forethought, got hammered. You know if this is unusual/worrying/a pattern. Twice this week is bad, but it sounds like it's a bit unusual (although 'several times in the past' is very vague - once a year for ten years? once a fortnight for a year?). Is he worried about anything?

Regardless, it's absolutely not on to get in that state then ruin your pregnant partner's sleep, get abusives and (albeit unintentionally) violent.

He's a grown up and if he's going to drink excessively to drown sorrows/naval gaze/knock himself out, then he should be sleeping on the sofa when he does so.

For clarity, I'm not making a call on whether this drinking is problematic in itself. But the associated behaviour is.

Nanny0gg Wed 11-Oct-17 10:32:52

He's going to be a big help when the baby arrives, isn't he?

How does he function at work?

2014newme Wed 11-Oct-17 10:34:46

Not really dad material is he! Drinking and playing computer games. He would not be my choice of all the men in the world as a father for my child I'm afraid!

NoSquirrels Wed 11-Oct-17 10:47:20

It's a weeknight & he got so hammered that he hit you, shouted at you and you had to leave your bed. You're 5 months pregnant.

I think you know this can't continue. If he regularly drinks like this, he has a big problem, and you'll have a bigger one when baby arrives.

NoSquirrels Wed 11-Oct-17 10:51:24

According to him, I’m unreasonable for being cross because he “didn’t do it intentionally”.

He did drink that amount intentionally though, and the behaviour was caused by the drinking. So I'd say it was "intentional" as it's not the first time it's happened and you've had to talk to him about it.

He really needs to reflect on his behaviour and decide if boozing at that level alone is worth causing the mother of his DC stress and worry.

ShatnersWig Wed 11-Oct-17 10:53:23

I hate drunk people saying stuff like "I didn't do it intentionally".

What, someone else was present forcing drinks down your throat with a funnel while you were restrained?

It's a choice. He made it. And he's made it several times before.

Admittedly, he didn't intend to hit you - I once got whacked in the gob in the night by a partner who wasn't pissed, just having some dream.

Shame you have picked an arsehole for your baby's dad.

Pinky333777 Wed 11-Oct-17 11:53:38

Thank you for your opinions.
I feel more confident in my own now and will address the behaviour.

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