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AIBU to stop any effort with MIL

(8 Posts)
ladybug92 Tue 10-Oct-17 22:18:10

My MIL lives overseas, 3hrs flight away and 4 of her 5 grandkids live in her city so she sees them regularly, has regular contact and is close. I've been with DH for 5 years, always a good relationship with MIL when we see her.

Our DD is 7months, MIL has only been to visit us when we have organised and paid for her trip. She barely ever initiates contact via messages or anything. I used to send photos and updates weekly but got sick of being the one to initiate.

For context, she is employed on an average wage and will go on holidays with her other children/grandkids but never makes any effort with us. We have always loved overseas but have moved closer to her over time.

WIBU to stop trying and switch off completely in regard to her? DH is very poor with contact anyway so if I were to stop it'd likely allastop stop except for bdays etc. I dont want to bring up her lack of involvement to DH as it might make him sad but I'm sick of giving and never getring in return sad

Neverknowing Tue 10-Oct-17 22:21:06

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
If she wants contact then she will contact you or your DP will. It's not your burden so don't worry if it's annoying smile

blackteasplease Tue 10-Oct-17 22:22:47

Well your dh should be doing it anyway (unless you particularly want to) so yanbu whatever she is like.

ladybug92 Tue 10-Oct-17 22:30:33

Thanks, I feel likebad if I dont do it then we will barely have any contact and my DD will miss out on her grandma. My parents are the total opposite and very involved even though they are 1.5hrs flight away.
I feel like I might start being resentful that she won't put in effort equally for all ger grandkids

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 10-Oct-17 22:35:13

One day your DD would realise that grandma isn't interested and that would hurt, especially if you've encouraged her to believe a lie about how her DGM feels.

Just say to DH casually in passing "I haven't got time to be sending updates to your mother. I'm leaving it to you from now on."

You can't force the woman to love your children. I rather suspect DH knows that already.

MamaLeen Tue 10-Oct-17 23:38:31

I have realised from having my two dc's you cant force people to care. If someone desperately wants a relationship with the children they would make every effort to initiate communication.
If i was you I would leave it and see if she contacts you.

ladybug92 Wed 11-Oct-17 08:12:32

I know you're right, I know you can't force someone. I just dont understand it. My husbandparents has two other children who live in the sam city as MIL and she loves them and makes an effort, I just wish she'd do the same for our little one.
I am thinking that even if she does show interest later on, the damage has been done for me. I know I'm being dramatic maybe but I dont think you can pick and choose when you want to be family.

ladybug92 Wed 11-Oct-17 08:13:42

Obviously husband not husbandsparents, don't know why that autocorrected!!! Odd.

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