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To feel cross with MIL

(50 Posts)
Thistledew Tue 10-Oct-17 18:57:36

Actually, I'm fairly sure that IABU, but need to process my crossness.

I will start by saying that my MIL is completely lovely, I get on very well with her and she has a lovely bond with 14 month old DS.

The story is that she is a very experienced, but now retired, health visitor. She said that based on some photos of DS that she thought he had a slight squint. Neither DH or I could see it, but we were prepared to defer to her professional experience, as was my own HV and GP. So DS had a referral to the eye unit at the hospital today, which resulted in me having to hold my precious baby as he cried whilst he had stingy eye drops placed in his eyes and frightening lights shone in them. And then had to put up with blurred vision for hours afterwards.

He doesn't have a squint. I knew that.

I just feel cross at her that he has had to go through all that for nothing. I'm sure she was acting out of concern for him but it was only through scrutinising him and his photos in detail to look for the slightest thing amiss. If she hadn't been looking for a problem it is not something that would have been considered by anyone else.

Please tell me that IABU and to get over it!

Fishface77 Tue 10-Oct-17 18:58:55

Would you have minded so much if it turned out he did have a squint?

PurpleDaisies Tue 10-Oct-17 19:02:07

When your gp referred you, surely they saw evidence of a squint as well.

Do you really think your MIL was trying to cause problems for you and your baby? I think you are unreasonable here.

GeillisTheWitch Tue 10-Oct-17 19:03:23

He's your child, you consented to him going to the eye clinic. If you really don't want things like this done to him then you get the last word on whether it does or not, not MIL.

Maelstrop Tue 10-Oct-17 19:03:28

Yabu for taking him. Is she an eye specialist? Stingy eye drops and blurred vision? I've never had blurred vision despite many eye drops. You're being a bit pfb. Also, surely better to check and know for sure? In future, I'd be telling her to hush-nicely-and don't allow her to persuade you that there's something wrong with your child.

Thistledew Tue 10-Oct-17 19:03:58

No, not at all. Well, I would have minded his distress but it would have been worth it to have a diagnosis and treatment if necessary. I suppose I am cross because no-one else could see any hint of a squint, only what she said based on a couple of photos (there were a few photos where the light reflections in his eyes were different but this did not show in every photo).

RavenclawRealist Tue 10-Oct-17 19:05:30

How pushy was she in getting it checked?? Yes she saw something that wasn’t there
In the end but 2 other health care professionals saw him and went along with the referral so unless your about to drip feed she was harassing them to do as she wanted I think you overeacting sorry!

It’s horrible and upsetting watching your child undergo test I do understand you want him to have been spared that but IMO it’s not your MILs fault

Thistledew Tue 10-Oct-17 19:06:51

That was in reply to Fishface.

The nurse administering the eye drops said that they do sting a bit and they cause blurred vision by dilating the pupil in order that the Dr can get a good look at the back of the eye.

I kind of wish I had refused to take him but I don't think she would have let it drop if I had not.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 10-Oct-17 19:07:23

I don't think your mil is at fault here. I think you made a mistake taking your baby for tests for a condition you didn't believe he had.

I'd not waste time being cross with anyone but I would maybe rely on my own judgement more.

Thistledew Tue 10-Oct-17 19:08:39

The other health professionals only made the referral because I said that she (an experienced professional herself) had seen something. No one else saw a squint.

I wanted to trust her experience so that nothing was missed.

LineysRun Tue 10-Oct-17 19:09:11

I get it, OP.

But let it go and be more confident now in declining interventions you truly think are unnecessary.

Theresamayscough Tue 10-Oct-17 19:11:05

I think you are being a bit OTT.

Your GP must have felt there might be a problem as he referred your child. Move on.

Waiting for posters to tell you to go non contact with the interfering bitch wink

Ropsleybunny Tue 10-Oct-17 19:12:15

Please don't hold this against your MIL, sometimes a baby's eye can wander. It's far better to rule out a squint than to miss one.

Move on and forget it.

Welwyncitydweller Tue 10-Oct-17 19:12:25

If no one else including you saw it, why the bloody hell did you go through with it?! If you respected her experience enough to go through with it then you did the right thing, however incorrect her suspicion.

LovelyPrep Tue 10-Oct-17 19:12:41

It was your choice to take him.
My daughter had to have the stingy eye drops and bright lights and she was only 8 weeks old. The GP was concerned, made the referral and we trusted that opinion. Turned out nothing was wrong but I don't feel cross with the doctor for raising the concern. Is it just more of a MIL thing?

notanurse2017 Tue 10-Oct-17 19:15:02

You need to take responsibility for making parental decisions concerning your baby.

Fishface77 Tue 10-Oct-17 19:16:16

But op, if there had been a Problem it would have been averted/could have been treated.
It's very difficult to ignore something that may impact on your child.
I'll give you an example. Someone said to a friend her son had too many bruises and they wouldn't be surprised if he had "some kind of lymphoma".
She went through hell. Bloods, tests and so so much worry and it was nothing. She was so relieved it was nothing she couldn't get pissed of.
But what if he had had something? What if they had picked up a childhood cancer? He would have been treated.
If your mother in law is an experienced health visitor and an otherwise sensible woman I think you did the right thing in getting it checked. And I have to be honest I would rather get my child checked by an eye specialist on this occasion.

RavenclawRealist Tue 10-Oct-17 19:18:54

Then the gp and health visitor were wrong to refer if they werent concerned!

Your mil gave an opinion it was checked out and it’s all fine focus on that.

PandorasXbox Tue 10-Oct-17 19:19:53

I’m surprised you got a referral if nobody else saw the squint.

You trusted her experience and all is well. No harm done.

Normalserviceissuspended Tue 10-Oct-17 19:21:14

My GP sent my DD as she may have a squint, I couldn't see it. He later told me that he missed his own childs squint and so now was very cautious.

KarriPotter Tue 10-Oct-17 19:26:35

Hang on, I think I have A Grip back here somewhere. 🙄

sarahjconnor Tue 10-Oct-17 19:26:54

My DD had a squint and I could see it and no one else could - didn't get any sense from Dr until she was 5. It's been a negative experience but I think it was better checked out.

MrsPicklesonSmythe Tue 10-Oct-17 19:30:23

I think the other health professionals should have said something if they could see no evidence but they obviously thought it was worth checking.
You had a good outcome not sure what else you want from the situation.

mikeyssister Tue 10-Oct-17 19:33:31

DD1 was the only one of my three not referred for a squint assessment, and the only one who actually had a micro squint!! The others all had a broad bridge on their noses.

mikeyssister Tue 10-Oct-17 19:34:10

Big mistake - I've 4 kids, the other three were referred.

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