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To ask you if you let you DC have sleepovers

(46 Posts)
OracleofDelphi Tue 10-Oct-17 13:45:52

I had them as a child, DH didnt. I enjoyed a lot of them but had a few experiences which I was out of my depth / missed my mum etc. DH had a very difficult childhood and doesnt want our DC (8 &9) to have sleepovers until they are older.

At the moment DS doesnt want them, but DDs friends are all starting to have them and whilst she accepts it, I think she might start to feel left out. All our friends with children and people I know socially from school, have them so feel a bit like we are the odd ones out.

I do have lots of play dates, kids parties for birthdays, halloween parties, kids invite friends on days out over holidays etc. Both children attend clubs and so do do a lot of social activities with other kids, but AIBU to just not want them sleeping in peoples houses who I dont know that well?

NoMoreRoomOnTheBroom Tue 10-Oct-17 13:47:26

Why don't you host the sleepovers?

OracleofDelphi Tue 10-Oct-17 13:49:17

Think if we did, then parents of visiting children would feel the need to reciprocate and I would have to turn them down.

Which might sound like "Im happy for your child to come to my house, but I dont trust you with my children, enough to let them come to yours".....

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Tue 10-Oct-17 13:50:01

These threads confuse me.

The OP (any Op) doesnt like the thought of her child sleeping in a strangers house, why would he first suggestion be to host a sleep over? Presumably every parent in the land is suspicious of other adults.

Llamacorn Tue 10-Oct-17 13:52:34

My kids have sleepover most weekends, usually lots of kids here to be honest, dc 15&10 friends, dd3 is 8 and has asd so no sleepovers for her yet.
Your dc are still quite young and you don't need to have sleepovers for them. If they really do want them, then host one at your houses. You don't have to agree to invitations for dc to stay at their friends houses, especially if your dh is not xomforatable with it. I find most parents would rather it was at a friends house than theirs anyway.

Wixi Tue 10-Oct-17 13:53:51

I didn't want to let my 7 year old DD but DH more or less agreed to it at a party she was at, so we had a DD's friend stay over one night during half term. We are not in a hurry to repeat it, it went OK but even though I was working it became a lot of work for me (not DH!). My DD has stayed over at a different friends house and we are probably going to have to reciprocate but I'm not particularly happy about it.

christinarossetti Tue 10-Oct-17 13:54:57

My children are 10 and 8 and have the odd sleepover with friend's children. The issue of them wanting to go to someone's house that I don't know hasn't arisen, and I wouldn't be comfortable letting them to this at this age.

Wait until your dd mentions it, then maybe say that she can have one at home for her next birthday. You can always do the 'oh, dd gets unsettled at other peoples' houses at the moment, can we leave it a bit?' if the invitation is reciprocated.

Pinky333777 Tue 10-Oct-17 13:55:38

I'd definitely allow sleepovers at friends houses with a trusted adult.
But I'd want my kids to know about abuse and inappropriate behaviour and what to do, just in case. But that's something I'd hope we teach anyway.

astoundedgoat Tue 10-Oct-17 13:55:39

I don't do it. My DD's are 6 and nearly 9, and the small one is waaaaay too attached to me to tolerate it and the big one is quite fragile about stuff like this and would be very caught up in the idea of it, but as you mention in your OP, feel very out of her depth if it actually happened.

I'm waiting until they are a couple of years older.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Tue 10-Oct-17 13:57:54

In my state of perpetual confusion, what is it about someone elses house that makes it 'unsafe' yet the hosts house 'safer' when the majority of child abuse is carried out by a relative, step parent, or close (trusted) friend in the childs own home.

christinarossetti Tue 10-Oct-17 13:59:10

OP didn't mention abuse. She mentioned the possibility of her child feeling homesick or out of her depth.

Bornfreebutinbiscuits Tue 10-Oct-17 13:59:35

I dont understand why your dh difficult childhood has any impact on your dc sleepovers?

If both dc are happy and you have a general good knowledge of the parents?

DD is 10 and has not had many maybe 4 now? Its been no big deal at all. I think its a shame your dh is projecting something onto his dc...who are totally different in a different environment!

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Tue 10-Oct-17 14:00:52

It's the trust issue I was asking about * I dont trust you with my children, enough to let them come to yours".....* I'm sure the OP can talk for herself.

christinarossetti Tue 10-Oct-17 14:08:47

You did mention abuse though dunkmeintomatosoup, which the OP hadn't.

FindTheLightSwitchDarren Tue 10-Oct-17 14:16:39

My dc is still a toddler, so sleepovers won't be an issue for a while!

I remember going to sleepovers from about 11yo. I don't think I'd have liked staying away from home (other than at my granny's) when I was younger than that. I had a horrible sleepover when I was 12 though which for some reason has really stayed with me, (being picked on by all the other girls, for no particular reason. It then led on to being picked on by the same girls at school). I think I'll be quite wary about big group sleepovers for dc for that reason. I think sleepovers with one friend are totally different though.

Fruitcorner123 Tue 10-Oct-17 14:16:42

I had loads of sleepovers but at secondary school not primary. My kids can't behave themselves when they are allowed to share with their cousin so I wouldn't trust them yet to actually go to sleep at someone else's house and wouldn't want the stress of it at my own house. They are not old enough to be mature about it. My oldest is 7. I think he may be ready by about 10 but will make the decision at the time.

FindTheLightSwitchDarren Tue 10-Oct-17 14:17:35

Oh yes and nobody sleeps at sleepovers! I'd probably restrict it to school holidays if possible.

EvilDoctorBallerinaVampireDuck Tue 10-Oct-17 14:18:07

DD has had one, DS2 hasn't yet.

Shutupanddance1 Tue 10-Oct-17 14:18:44

Any sleepovers we had as younger children would be with cousins which was a good way to do it before we went to friends houses

Dustbunny1900 Tue 10-Oct-17 14:23:42

You're the parent, do what you think is right

However , for me and IME, 10 is prime age for sleepovers. As long as you trust the adults in charge , I find. So of course you aren't being unreasonable to want to trust the adults!
Lot of kids really aren't as dependent/homesick as their parents think at first. The mothers often cry more than the kids (in my friends case. )

JennyOnAPlate Tue 10-Oct-17 14:28:30

Dd2 had her first at 8 and has been on three. Dd2 is going on her first this weekend (she’s 7). I know the parents very well though.

BarbarianMum Tue 10-Oct-17 14:31:09

Occasionally with friends from age 8. Before that, only w family.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Tue 10-Oct-17 14:32:13

Dd is 6, she’s been on one Rainbow sleepover. Slept at one friends once and we’ve had that same friend over to ours twice for a sleepover.

I encourage it (I know the parents). She’s a very shy kid and I’m trying to boost her confidence away from me and get her talking to other adults more (people I know not strangers).

XJerseyGirlX Tue 10-Oct-17 14:38:02

DD 5 has had lots of sleep overs. She loves to stay at her cousins and her best friends (no one elses). I didn't like them at her age and used to cry for my mum but she is always fine. The first few times I made sure I was available to pick her up if she missed me.

I in turn have her cousin and best friend to mine for a sleep over, they are all 5.

kittensinmydinner1 Tue 10-Oct-17 14:38:10

Sleepovers were absolutely the norm for my dcs/sdc. Have hosted hundreds between 7 kids. Age at which they began was dictated by the child. Had a couple at the beginning who had a wobble and I had to take home (or get picked up) at 1 in the morning. If you are going to do it then be prepared for that !

For us, sleepovers helped to cement firm friendship circles. Without a doubt those who aren't 'allowed' will be on the periphery for a few days after the event. Kids won't mind though too much though. Your refusal will just be put down to being 'the weird parents who don't trust anyone' and kids will accept and carry on. It will have an affect though .

Ours started at 6, (the most self assured ) and 8 ( the clingiest)

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