To be affected by 'Slummy Mummy' type blogs?

[LoobyLoomicles]

Am new to MN, so sorry if this is a topic that has been done to death before.

Background: I'm mid 30s, married to a lovely bloke and have a life that I'm very happy with. I've always liked children, but have not had any yet as was focused on my career. However, given my age, DH and I are starting to discuss about whether to start a family. We both have the same thoughts about it - we aren't desperate to have children right now but have both always thought we would at some point.

A lot of my friends are mums and on Facebook they keep liking and linking to various blogs and pages that I'd describe as 'slummy mummy' - ones that seem to emphasise how hard and unrewarding having children is, how you can only get through the day with alcohol etc. I understand that bringing up children is hard work, but it's got to the point where the unrelenting negativity (made worse when combined with the trend to NOT say happy or positive things about your children, in case it's perceived as boasting) is actually making me doubt whether I want to have children.

[Crispsheets]

Don't read them

[LoobyLoomicles]

Forgot to say (might be relevant) that I'm not geographically close to a lot of my friends so don't get to see them and their kids in person very often - I tend to have to keep up on Facebook.

[DeadEnders]

I agree with Crispsheets.

Don't read them and find something more positive to engage with.

[Trampire]

Yes, just ignore.

People like to do it for affect. They like to compete about how they just don't care. It's all crap.

I had my babies mid 30's and I had way more energy than I do now 10 years in. Also, I've managed to be pretty much teetotal the whole time.

[ThePeanutGallery]

You know most of them are tongue in cheek right? It's to combat the idea of perfection and being perfect moms.

[MaisieDotes]

For god's sake don't give up your chance to have children because of some eejits on the internet.

Those blogs are crap really just aimed at others with children already. It's assumed and taken for granted that you're coming from a place of being absolutely crazy about your DC but just finding the day to day stuff challenging, which it sometimes is.

They are a reaction to all the lovely floaty mummy stuff that also gets posted. Neither reflect reality really. Reality is somewhere in between.

Good luck if you do decide to ttc.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

What exactly is your point? 'My friends like sarcastic or parenting isn't all 'rainbows and unicorn fart' posts' so I think having my own kids is a bad idea'?

To be honest, perhaps it's best you do wait on your decision, at least until you're mature enough not to base it on social media nonsense.

[Threenme]

I joke a about my kids all time! I would never be without them. Half of what I complain about I find quite funny really! These blogs are just poking fun at mum's that pretend life is perfect.

[LonginesPrime]

I think the same can be said of a lot of social media topics.

I don't really go on fb and I have loads of friends scattered all over the world. Occasionally, I'll look at photos they post, but I tend to keep in touch with them on WhatsApp, text and email.

If you have to be on Facebook, I would just not click on the links. Just take the titles with a pinch of salt (no-one's going to get any attention saying the same as everyone else, so it stands to reason there would be a lot of subversive parenting material online nowadays) and don't read the articles.

[theaveragewife]

Hmmm, I see what you mean.

I have children and therefore find them light relief, take them with a pinch of salt. Everything you do in life will be difficult in some way or another, but having children is something that bonds millions of people so sharing the shit bits is helpful to stop people from feeling so alone when they are happening.

Having said that you don't have to have children if you don't fancy it, and make sure you absolutely want to before you do!

[RosiePosieRosie]

It’s the same bollocks as some people spending all day perfecting their lipstick...honestly it’s all shite and it is up to you if you engage with it and it means anything to you or not! I’d go for not...

[treaclesoda]

If you look at it from a different perspective, you could apply that to anything. How many times have you seen doctors/nurses/teachers/social workers (just for example, it applies to other things as well) say that they would never recommend their career to someone else, that it's not worth it.

Just don't read them if they upset you. But motherhood can be stressful, and tiring, and upsetting and until recently women didn't even dare say so out loud, they were expected to serenely put up with all the tedium because that's what women do and only a bad mother would be less than 100% thrilled with her lot. It's healthy that women's feelings can be recognised. That doesn't mean that motherhood is awful, just that it has high points and low points.

[LoobyLoomicles]

I know they're tongue in cheek, I think what I'm really after is some positivity! Maybe my friends are all just cynical, sarcastic types (I usually am, so maybe they think I wouldn't be interested in hearing positive/fluffy things about their children?).

[Dreams16]

Ignore we are all different some of us love being mums whilst others resent it and feel they’ve missed out if you feel you and your partner are now ready then go for it

[LonginesPrime]

so maybe they think I wouldn't be interested in hearing positive/fluffy things about their children?

Are they posting it for your benefit specifically? Or is it just stuff they're posting?

[theaveragewife]

I think what I'm really after is some positivity! Maybe my friends are all just cynical, sarcastic types

You say you only communicate through social media - why don't you go and visit them and you might see the positivity. They can post what they like on their social media, we don't all have to play to an audience.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

If I had know the reality I may we'll have decided not to have children. I love my children but I don't feel my life is better than it would have been without them. That said it's all completely subjective. The things I find dull others enjoy. The bits I find most rewarding others probably feel are pointless and unnecessary. You have to make the decision that's right for you and nothing else.

The phrase short days but long years sums up my experience. It is hard but then most things worth doing are difficult ime.

If you don't like the blogs don't read them.

[nodogsinthebedroom]

Personally I find my Attachment Parenting devotee FB friends even more annoying, but yes, I very much understand where you're coming from.

I have unfollowed a few and only look at their pages when I've steeled myself.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

Short years but long days

[ElizabethShaw]

Well children are pretty hard and relentless, but many of us have 2 or 3 of them so it can't be all bad.

[ThePeanutGallery]

I think what I'm really after is some positivity!

If you want the positive posts you should follow the bloggers. People only share the funny posts, they don't share the nice ones about how lovely their kids can be. Constance Hall & the Unmumsy Mum both shared nice posts on their kids today.

[corythatwas]

"I usually am, so maybe they think I wouldn't be interested in hearing positive/fluffy things about their children"

That is another good point. They may believe that you would find positive points twee and vomit-inducing, or simply boastful and insensitive (look how much better my life is than yours!)

part of it may be a subconscious desire to be polite

[RefuseTheLies]

Parenting is hard for some people. Really fucking hard. It helps to laugh about it or I'd cry forever

Personally I think everyone should be forced to read slummy mummy social media / blogs etc before having kids. That way there are no surprises when you can't #cherisheverymoment because it turns out kids are mainly pitas.

[Justanothernap]

What everyone else said.

The bit about all the tedium is that it's worth it because you do love them so much. (Or that's what most people find)

Writing that seems cringey, because banging on about how much you love your kids is a bit dull!

[treaclesoda]

I do agree that it is hard to say positive things about parenthood without being accused of making it harder for those who are struggling.

It's very prevalent on mumsnet when someone is expecting their first child and is terrified about the impact. I've had two children and didn't find the newborn stage particularly difficult. Yes, I was tired, no, they didn't sleep through. One had reflux and vomited all day. But I took it day by day and it was fine. I got my arse handed to me on a plate a few times here when I said that it's not always a nightmare. But I really wanted to reassure other people that having a newborn isn't necessarily a miserable experience. It can be, of course it can, but for a lot of people it's fine.