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AIBU?

To request to not work with this collegue?

30 replies

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 10/10/2017 09:23

Tried to name change in case this is outing but forgot my bloody password.
So I'll try not to drip feed but don't want to put too much.

A colleague who I thought I got on really well with has spread a lot of nasty things about me which I didn't know about until another collegue confronted me about these things the other day saying she couldn't keep quiet anymore - I'm glad she did!

I had no idea that no one wanted to work with me because of the lies this woman spread.
Things include:

apparently I go on people's phones to delete evidence of lies I've told.
I've lied about my health. Think along lies of serious things. My employer has seen all evidence of my hospital stays and appointments
that people can't trust me as I'm a snake and the one causing trouble and reporting people (it's her).

And many more things. This has been going on months apparently but she asked everyone not to mention anything to me (because she knows it's bullshit!)
So the damage has been done. I've spent a while wondering why everyone was being distant with me and now I know it's because of these lies and I'm hurt.

I work in a small company (16 of us) and we tend to work in pairs.

I don't want to inflame the situation so have been applying for other jobs to get out of the environment but I love where I am and know it can maybe be repaired.

Sorry if this makes no sense or sounds petty!

OP posts:

Report

AlternativeTentacle · 10/10/2017 09:24

Go speak to your manager about this today.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 10/10/2017 09:31

I would go to HR. Or if it's a too small company, to your line manager. But it is untenable to be paired to work with the office bully. I'm possibly a little more confrontational than you but I would be asking in front of the person who told you some of these things, "Jane why did you tell Mary I was in hospital for XYZ?".

CoughLaughFart · 10/10/2017 09:31

It is not petty at all. Don't just ask not to work with her - report her. Accusing you of faking your illness goes way beyond a bit of office bitchiness.

SaucyJack · 10/10/2017 09:35

You need to make a complaint about the allegations. Don't take this lying down.

But, have you got any evidence to show that it's the person you suspect making up allegations? Just wondering whether the "messenger" in your OP is all they seem. For all you know they could be trying to set you both up.

Rachie1973 · 10/10/2017 09:53

Perhaps call her out in public? I don't think it has to be loud or confrontational. Just something along the lines of 'I'm not sure how these rumours started, but in the interest of harmony in the office I think I need to put some of the allegations and untruths straight'.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 10/10/2017 09:54

Some good points here - you need to tell line manager/HR that ""Mary has come to me and told me Jane said XYZ"" and so forth.

I always advocate unions, even if not recognised in that particular work place. It really is the best insurance policy you can have, for £10 a month.

Subtlecheese · 10/10/2017 10:04

How supportive is the person who has told you? Honestly this sort of crap needs a two prong approach. Complaint re the lies about your illness. That it is impeding working relationships.
Then I would raise it for open discussion saying you and manager have been made aware of lies circulating about you. You'd be happy to reassure anyone you would never invade their privacy (phones) nor mislead them about your health. That it is all terribly distressing you can see the affect it has had at work and You'd like to think you can move past this.
She's dirt.

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 10/10/2017 10:19

I think I've not been confrontational because she's mature (60) and I'm 25 - not that it should make a difference.

I've spoken to another collegue who has confirmed she's been told to stay away from me because I'm dangerous and a liar.

I've barely slept I'm so hurt by it. I literally had no idea any of this was happening and thought we got on really well.

I got pulled in the office after returning from my T.I.A saying someone submitted an anonymous complaint about me and do I know who would or why - I didn't have a clue, I'd been off for 2 weeks and got on well with everyone so I thought.

The original person who told me I trust completely. Some things were told to her and she took her time and realised it wasn't true and wanted to make me aware.

OP posts:

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 10/10/2017 10:19

I think I've not been confrontational because she's mature (60) and I'm 25 - not that it should make a difference.

I've spoken to another collegue who has confirmed she's been told to stay away from me because I'm dangerous and a liar.

I've barely slept I'm so hurt by it. I literally had no idea any of this was happening and thought we got on really well.

I got pulled in the office after returning from my T.I.A saying someone submitted an anonymous complaint about me and do I know who would or why - I didn't have a clue, I'd been off for 2 weeks and got on well with everyone so I thought.

The original person who told me I trust completely. Some things were told to her and she took her time and realised it wasn't true and wanted to make me aware.

OP posts:

RosiePosieRosie · 10/10/2017 10:30

Please don’t let this go - it just means she can carry on. I ‘rose above it’ in a previous job when someone make up lies about me and I sooooo wish I hadn’t.

RosiePosieRosie · 10/10/2017 10:30

I should say it just got worse and worse and really had a negative impact on my reputation.

Butterymuffin · 10/10/2017 10:34

Go to either HR or your line manager and say you want this dealt with formally. It needs to be on the record not just 'we'll have a chat and straighten things out'. That way it can be officially corrected that your sick leave has always been documented properly. Say you want it investigated as workplace bullying.

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 10/10/2017 10:49

I'm a carer for a small comapny so would be working just me & her if on a run together.
Just a few of us carer's and the boss, I'll go to her today.
She's been with the company 12 years and is a personal friend of my boss. I could understand if I'd done something but I genuinely haven't so don't know where this has come from.
Shall I put it in writing and formalise it?

OP posts:

martellandginger · 10/10/2017 11:04

Don't forget to write everything down. all the allegations, all the times she speaks to you, everything you can think of and date it all. keep the records at home.

InappropriateGavels · 10/10/2017 11:07

Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union.

I can't stress that enough. Do it immediately. If this person is a personal friend of your boss, you are going to have an exceptionally hard time. You need to take this to HR, bypass your boss and clear it up as soon as possible. Write everything down, put it all in a timeline, make sure there is undeniable proof that shows everything they're accusing you of is false, and take it to HR.

But, you need to join a union before you raise the grievance. The union will be able to help you if you find that your employer isn't being helpful or if they try to take action against you.

It's a horrible situation to be in - I hope you manage to get it sorted

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 10/10/2017 14:02

No one in office today. I've requested meeting on Thursday and have wrote notes I'll also put it in writing.

OP posts:

Ttbb · 10/10/2017 14:18

I would just outright sue her for libel.

HCantThinkOfAUsername · 10/10/2017 14:25

I've got no proof apart from these two that have come forward about it. They will be staying in the company so don't want to make things awkward for them as they've been good to me.
I thought I was over reacting so I'm glad no one has said that.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 10/10/2017 14:38

"I would just outright sue her for libel."

It's a defamation of Character, but the other parties that conveyed this would have to be willing to confirm it.

I think that the Boss needs to individually speak to the other Workers.

When i did Homecare I saw Staff Members being bullied out and it was always just that a personal dislike of the Staff Member.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin · 10/10/2017 15:00

I would just outright sue her for libel.

How would you afford this? Libel - which is a written statement of deformation, not a spoken one - is a civil matter. The costs are upward of £300K .

HuckfromScandal · 10/10/2017 15:04

Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union. Join a union.

I can't stress that enough. Do it immediately

Too late to join a union for this instance - but does really re iterate why people should join a union when they start a job!! Joining a union now is a little like crashing your car and then calling for insurance!

OP - this sounds horrific - I really hope that you can get it resolved quickly

BackInTheRoom · 10/10/2017 15:12

I'm sure she could join a union if she did it before anything was written down?

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HuckfromScandal · 10/10/2017 15:22

Yes - she can join a union - absolutely - but they do not need to help her with a pre existing problem - which this now is.

Mouikey · 10/10/2017 16:03

Unions generally have a four or six week period where they won't represent you if a problem occurs (I.e the pre-existing condition), however you often find that local branches will be willing to give advice and support but not in a formal capacity. Just having this support can be worth its weight in gold!

spidey66 · 10/10/2017 16:22

TBH I don't know why people always say 'go to HR' in these scenarios. I work for the NHS and HR is all to do with recruitment, resignations, pay queries etc not disputes between colleagues. I assumed it was the same everywhere?

I'd discuss it with a line manager, and keep a diary of incidents.

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