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To feel like a failure my newborn. I can't even choose a fucking swaddle.

(49 Posts)
bottlesandcans Mon 09-Oct-17 21:43:40

New mum here. Feeling very vulnerable. Baby is constantly in my arms or in a sling. Cries the moment I put her down even if she's in a deep sleep, she'll wake.

She's 3 weeks old and almost 8lbs but I couldn't find a swaddle today in mothercare because she started screaming. Please can someone help me?

AdalindSchade Mon 09-Oct-17 21:45:40

Aw love it’s reallt hard but very normal!
Stay away from shopping centres, they will just make you stressed. Stay home, walk round the park or something, have friends come over and visit /hold the baby for a bit!
People without babies love holding a sleeping baby smile
Do you have a partner?

overmydeadbody Mon 09-Oct-17 21:45:46

Keep her in a sling, look up the fourth trimester!

Good luck op, the early days are tough!

I had a velcro baby, he just lived in the sling. I accepted it and life got easier

overmydeadbody Mon 09-Oct-17 21:46:14

... And online shopping is your friend!

twinone Mon 09-Oct-17 21:47:45

You don't need to buy a swaddle, just use a sheet.

ProseccoPoppy Mon 09-Oct-17 21:47:53

Online shopping is your friend here. Really.

If you want to try a swaddle try something like this - www.gro-store.com/white-hip-healthy-swaddle-twin-pack.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7bfbmbTk1gIVQrHtCh2goA0vEAQYBSABEgIA9PD_BwE

(Disclaimer: DD hated all swaddles. Really really hated them, so it isn't a magic cure - but defo worth a go!)

Creampastry Mon 09-Oct-17 21:48:07

This is normal! But it will pass! All been there and somehow get through it!

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower Mon 09-Oct-17 21:48:48

To solve your swaddle problem:

These are amazing
summerinfant.co.uk/product/original-swaddle-uni-fashion-small-2pk-pvc/

Handsfull13 Mon 09-Oct-17 21:49:02

Just breathe. You are doing a really good job and babies cry all the time. Trust me when I say that some crying won't hurt, I have twins and couldn't pick them both up at the same time.
If you can't get a swaddle you can google how to make one using a blanket or ask your midwife at your 5 day check up.
If you feel you really need one ask your partner or phone family or friends asking them to pick you up one

rachrach2 Mon 09-Oct-17 21:49:07

If you’re looking for swaddle recommendations, I loved the swaddle pod with my second, so much easier, wish I’d had it for number one! You’re doing great and how you feel is totally normal.

RefuseTheLies Mon 09-Oct-17 21:49:29

Oh lovey - you're doing better than I did if you made it as far as mothercare. I was still constantly in pyjamas when my newborn was 3 weeks old I didn't get dressed for almost a month

TestingTestingWonTooFree Mon 09-Oct-17 21:49:31

My baby liked these www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/love-to-dream-swaddle-b1687.html

SnowiestMountain Mon 09-Oct-17 21:51:46

Oh it’s so hard this early on, but remember this mantra and repeat it often throughout their childhood ‘it’s just a phase, it will pass’

https://m.johnlewis.com/grobag-ladybird-swaddling-blanket-white-red/p1729856?sku=234058461&skwcid=2dx92700019020983811&tmad=c&tmcampid=2&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIuPXhvLXk1gIV7bb_tCh2X3wlKEAQYAyABEgJBTDD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

bottlesandcans Mon 09-Oct-17 21:52:52

I'm just so upset. She is a wonderful baby but I am just no good at settling her sometimes. She can be fed, clean and totally warm and secure but won't settle.
She often kicks out on my c section cut and I just feel like a failure.

Thank you everyone for being kind.

Are any of these swaddles on amazon? I have an amazon prime trial and can have it delivered.

user1471478601 Mon 09-Oct-17 21:53:02

This looks a bit like a straight jacket but worked really well for my little boy
www.jojomamanbebe.co.uk/love-to-dream-swaddle-b1687.html

Good luck! It gets easier I promise X

Nan0second Mon 09-Oct-17 21:53:41

Learn to feed laying down if you can do you don't need to move them once asleep.
I liked the woombie but any zipppered swaddle is worth a try!

Ifyouthinkiwillsleepyoudream Mon 09-Oct-17 21:56:07

Normal, as far as my experience goes! New mum here too, and DS was exactly like that at 3 weeks. (And 4, and 5...) Getting on MN helped wink
Try to relax (I know, easier said than done) and believe me when I say it will pass. I thought DS would never sleep independently - and now he does. It is hard at first but it only gets better and better.

Mummyh2016 Mon 09-Oct-17 21:59:31

It will get better I promise. The first 8 weeks for us were horrendous, she suffered with bad colic so she'd scream for 3/4 hours on an evening then wouldn't go back down after her 2am bottle so I was permanently exhausted. She's now 18 weeks old and like a completely different baby.

DeadGood Mon 09-Oct-17 21:59:48

OP, listen up.

You have one of those babies (and 99% of them are like this) that won't "settle" on her own.

She is too young.

She has the sensory ability to tell when you have put her down - she is unattended. And that, to her, equals UNSAFE.

She will employ her only self defense mechanism - crying - whenever she feels unsafe. Even if she was asleep before.

This won't be forever, but it is for now. You need to accept that she will be attached to you for the time being. It is hard, but gets WAY easier once you can reach a place of acceptance.

Get an ergobaby sling (if you don't already have one). Get a Love to Dream swaddle, or any of the ones that simply zip up at the front. Don't bother faffing about trying to wrap blankets round the baby... too hard.

And get comfy on the sofa or bed. Get your laptop, tablet, phone, TV remote, book, whatever your entertainment is. Stock up with water and snacks. And accept that you will be doing as much cuddling as possible for the next few weeks.

DeadGood Mon 09-Oct-17 22:00:37

flowers btw. You will feel better soon. Promise. xx

Ohyesiam Mon 09-Oct-17 22:02:40

Oh op, my heart goes out to youflowers

Newborns ( especially first born) exist to make you feel like you are doing a shit job. You give them your everything, and still they cry! How can it be that you can spend all day just trying to sort them out, and never feel like you are winning?
My first was just like this, couldn't put her down no matter how asleep she was. I cooked and everything with her strapped onto me. She is now a very independent 13 year old.
The most important thing is for you not to feel alone. Go to mother and baby groups, baby massage, anything for adult contact. Radio 4 became my best friend.

But honestly op, you are doing nothing wrong, it's a mix of hormones, lack of sleep, and total loss of freedom.
You will feel completely different with your next.

intuition Mon 09-Oct-17 22:04:10

Take care of yourself. Is it any wonder she wants to be cuddled after spending 9 months inside you!! You are doing a great job. Try and enjoy. We didn’t have swaddles when mine were young, just sheets. Don’t stress it will get easier.

Only wish I could still cuddle my babies. They are 14 and 13 now!!

cookiefiend Mon 09-Oct-17 22:05:43

I too am soo impressed you left the house alone! Well done. You are tired and everything seems awful. You aren't failing your child.

Order a swaddle- any swaddle from amazon. My kids hated them, but it works for some. Order yourself some nice tea bags ans chocolate as well.

DD2 couldn't be put down. At all. I think she had mild reflux. We had to take it shifts to sit up and sleep with her. Embrace the sling. Don't worry about getting out for another few weeks (unless you want to). Get some nice people to visit for an hour or two to hold her whilst you shower. Only let them in if they bring food.

Please be kind to yourself. Really we have all been there. It will get better.

mygorgeousmilo Mon 09-Oct-17 22:05:47

She's still so so teeny and young. I don't think I put any of mine down for the first few months. They were always held. They aren't clingy weirdos now, I don't believe you can spoil a newborn. You aren't failing, you're knackered. Feed laying down, order food shopping online, order a swaddle online. Take it easy. flowers

AgathaMystery Mon 09-Oct-17 22:05:47

It will be okay and you are doing a great job x

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