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To be angry at the inlaws who kept telling me...

(13 Posts)
GoJetterGirl Mon 09-Oct-17 18:33:57

Once my sons cancer treatment had finished that they consider the whole thing "done and dusted" only for him to relapse 6 months later?

I told them time and time again that this would never be over from a parents point of view and that he had a 40% chance of relapse but they didn't fucking listen and now all they can say is "we didn't think it would come back!!!

Now, the MIL is in tears and me and DH are the ones trying to comfort her!!!!

Sorry, rant over, I'd hoped against hope that it wouldn't come back and now it has and my poor little boy has to go thru more treatment and suffering 😢

Cosmosgrowinmygarden Mon 09-Oct-17 18:39:15

Oh OP, I am so, so sorry, this is awful for you. It sounds as if they were burying their heads in the sand rather than facing up to reality. You and your DH need to look after your son and each other and I truly hope he comes through the treatment successfully. flowers

jaseyraex Mon 09-Oct-17 18:45:20

I think they were probably just burying their heads and not wanting to look at it realistically. My mum was exactly like that when my little sister had cancer. It came back after 2 years and mum was distraught as she had totally convinced herself it would be gone for good. I understand why you're angry though. Cancer is a long road and I think some people truly just don't realise it. Once MIL has calmed down, you and your DH spend some time together. I hope the treatment is successful for you all again OP flowers

MuddlingThroughLife Mon 09-Oct-17 18:52:59

So sorry to hear about the relapse. Being a parent of a child with cancer is hard, and yes like you say, it's never over once treatment has ended. Your life and theirs changes forever which no one seems to understand. My ds was diagnosed with a brain tumour in january and I'm hoping to get his end of treatment MRI results tomorrow.

Thinking of you flowers

VladmirsPoutine Mon 09-Oct-17 18:59:25

I'm so sorry to hear that your boy is back in the that hell-hole. It is truly shit.

But fuck them. She's not the one needing consoling right now. Let them get on with it. I know that shock and grief can do odd things to people but it's really not your job to be hugging her telling her that it will all be ok. Fuck that.

All the hope in the world for your son! flowers

GoJetterGirl Mon 09-Oct-17 19:44:03

Thank you all, I really needed to rant, and as experience has taught me, my DH doesn't need me offloading my issue with his parents on him at this time, so I turned to you lovely lot to help me offload, thank you.

They were quite frustrating during his last cancer treatment, think them questioning the doctor and demanding second opinions... needless to say I quickly shut that shit down, but it wasn't without hassle 😡

GoJetterGirl Mon 09-Oct-17 19:45:45

Hope your Ds's results are good tomorrow Muddling, I remember the elation I felt at being told my DS was cancer free, it truly is the most uplifting wonderful moment I have ever experienced, I do hope that things go the way they should flowers

MuddlingThroughLife Mon 09-Oct-17 20:57:49

Thank you gojettergirl Good luck with the treatment. I'll be thinking of you x

BoBoBatty Mon 09-Oct-17 21:03:09

Comfort in, dump out! Get someone to speak with them about supporting you and not dumping their own feelings of grief on you. They should be dumping on their own support network, people further away from the crisis than you. Sorry this has happened OP and I wish your son all the very best.

GoJetterGirl Mon 09-Oct-17 21:21:03

Thank you BoBo, they caused quite a lot of tension during the first dx, they're narcissistic and incapable of considering anyone's feelings except their own, my plan is just to ignore their self pity attention seeking and get on with supporting my son and helping him get thru this.

Their current worry is "how do we tell people that our grandson has (whispers) cancer?" Like it's something to be ashamed of...

justilou1 Tue 10-Oct-17 11:57:10

So sorry you are going through this, OP... I think your inlaws have been trying to make sense of something so horrible and unfair that it can't sink in. It is never right when kids get diagnoses like this. It is terrifying for you all, but you have to be the grownups for your son when you probably need someone to be grownups for you right now. Maybe you can write down some practical ways your inlaws could be able to support you (without pissing you off) so that you can focus on your baby. Words just sound empty when I try to express my thoughts and wishes for you and your family. I wish you the strength you're going to need, I wish you a positive outcome (of course) and I wish you the loving support you need to be able to be there for your family.

chocolateisnecessary Tue 10-Oct-17 12:08:07

Somehow try sand put distance there. You should not have to deal with that crap on top of this. You're within your rights to let fly but try not to take their crap on board. How they handle it is their issue.
You sound extremely sensible which is what your son needs.
Hopes v much he gets better.

verystressedmum Tue 10-Oct-17 16:41:51

So sorry about your ds flowers

People put their heads in the sand because they don’t want to believe that it can or will come back.
Or they actually might have thought that once the treatment was over he was cured without realising the full facts and what remission actually means.

When I was told my dd’s PET scan showed no signs of cancer and that she was in remission I felt totally elated...for about 30 seconds then the fear set in that it would come back and that fear hasn’t left at all. I actually think I feel worse now than when she was having her treatment!

Her dad on the other hand thinks it’s gone and it’s not going to come back. He can’t bring himself to believe it will and says he couldn’t live his life in a constant state of fear.

Sometimes I feel like I’m going mad and no one understands but he has to cope in his own way.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

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