Why I am I so scared of Mondays - is it job or me?(6 Posts)
Name change for paranoia and AIBU for traffic and because I may be BU
I am incredibly lucky to have a management position at a large company with an excellent reputation (known as the best in the business). I started with no relevant experience joining a new team and worked extremely hard through some testing times where I was needing to work extreme overtime to make sure the job was done well in addition to having a long commute. At times it felt like there was no time for anything except work and DH had really wanted me to look for another job (I think this is relevant as might contribute to my feelings now).
Since then the volume has been addressed (one of the first things I tackled as I progressed) and though there is still very high volume and the odd bit of overtime might be expected of my team at the busiest times, it's now manageable.
I've changed managers myself a few times recently and now report to a much more senior director than I would usually for someone of my level, he is quite detached from the day to day running of my department and doesn't know me well. I admit to missing having a "mentor" but am grateful for the autonomy to run things as I see best.
I've still got a long way to go and objectively can see that in terms of figures, team spirit etc I am doing a good job (though still a lot of room for improvement.) I do suffer from "imposter syndrome" and do find it a challenge managing those who were recently peers.
What I don't understand understand is that every Sunday I am paralysed by fear about work, and every time I start to enjoy something, I suddenly think of work and all the things I am responsible for (or my team are) that could go terribly wrong. I keep thinking of quite possible mistakes that could cost the company tens of thousands, or even have criminal implications and feel that with the high volume we deal with there may be a checking system I have missed, or similar. It really impacts on my spare time and although I think I am being ridiculous I'm not sure how to get away from it.
I am recently pregnant and due in May if all is well but keep dreaming of leaving and never going back now - is this the job or is it something I need to address in myself? I can't remember feeling like this before or in previous roles.
Tell me to get a grip! which of course I do and put my game face on for work every day, but I think I need to sort myself out at home too!
Lol...thats everyone who works on a Monday. ...thats why I don't start until Wednesday!
For nearly three years I was part-time and didn't work Mondays and I bloody loved it! For me, it's the fear that something would've happened over the weekend that I didn't know about. I now check my work emails on a Sunday afternoon meaning there are no nasty surprises which really helps.
Well, is there a new checking system you could implement? Delegate someone to look into it? On top of what's already in place, I mean.
As you've made a lot of changes recently at work, maybe you just don't feel 'settled in' yet?
You sound highly anxious . Id recommend having a talk with someone impartial. The main thing here is that nothing will go wrong by monday or in the week ahead you are obviously on the ball but its possible you are juggling too many of them. Take some time off and relax.
I used to feel the same and so left the stressful part ofmy job to do the other part of it and I feel much better now. I also check emails to make sure nothing potentially stressful has come in over the weekend. Looking back it was sheer volume of work that caused my stress as well as constant scrutiny and massive accountability which sounds similar to your worries.
Can you put any processes in place to allow you to check the things you feel insecure about? Not sure if that would work with your specific job but worth a try?
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