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DD1, Her dog and moving in .... AIBU

(41 Posts)
Greenkit Sun 08-Oct-17 13:10:30

Back story..

I am married, have 3 children DD1(28), DD2 (21) and DS(19) and a husband. DS is living with us PT and also at his GF, DD2 has moved out with her BF very happy.

DD1 moved out when she was 17 to go in the army, married a serviceman and left the army after 7yrs, DD1 Son in Law and their dog (A collie/spaniel cross) moved in with us for 18months, so they could travel America for a month, and then save for their own house.

They found a house, bought it then a week later DD1 left son in law as she didn't love him any more and moved in with her work mate.

Fine so far......

I have three dogs which I chose because they are clean and we don't get a dog smell with them. I never wanted her dog to come to our house, but they moved in so had to happen.

Anyway DD1 has got into a few financial problems, spending beyond her means, I think to keep up with her work mates. I suggested she move in with us on a token rent to help her get back on her feet financially, DH has already paid off her credit card, which she is paying back to him.

We have just come back from a weeks holiday UK, which DH and I booked and invited her on, and she was awful, she brought some work with her, which is fine, but she wanted us to go out and not make noise. She was also grumpy and we found ourselves having to walk on egg shells around her as her moods were up and down.

She left early, in a huff

So I send her an email (it was easier than a showdown), basically saying I didn't want her to move in anymore as we are so different and it was clear on holiday that it would just be too stressful. I also look after her dog, which she shares with her xDH, but I have told her I don't want to anymore and they should find someone else by the end of Oct.

I have found her to be aloof and above her station since she started her new job, she has zero respect for me and picks me up on how a speak or do things...

So AIBU to say I just don't want her to move it, as she has thrown a big strop and deleted herself off our family whatsapp group.

Gottagetmoving Sun 08-Oct-17 13:17:31

It's never unreasonable to say you don't want someone moving into your home...but you shouldn't have suggested it in the first place.
Lol at you not getting a dog smell from your three dogs....I know a few people won claim the same thing...but everyone else can smell them.

Gottagetmoving Sun 08-Oct-17 13:17:58

Who...not won.

pasturesgreen Sun 08-Oct-17 13:19:53

The dog is really just a peripheral issue here.

Madbum Sun 08-Oct-17 13:19:58

You’re doing the right thing. You’ve helped her far too much already considering she’s behaving like a massive twat.

FiveShelties Sun 08-Oct-17 13:22:41

It is your home and you get to say who lives there. What does your DH think, could he talk things through with her if you are scared of a 'showdown"?

EEandEmakes3 Sun 08-Oct-17 13:23:15

No, you're absolutely right. What an absolute cheek! Leave her with her condescending attitude & live your life.

Imonlyfuckinghuman Sun 08-Oct-17 13:23:18

This is me with my 22 year old dd!

She only stays here twice a week but sometimes I really have to bite my tongue.
Does she have any where else to go?

I really understand your frustration. Dd does not respect me at all and I don't know who she thinks she is sometimes. Apparently she is moving in with her boyfriend in January so I'm holding out for that !!

EKLInTraining Sun 08-Oct-17 13:24:05

Gottagetmoving Lol YY at the dog smell, my friend insists her dog has no scent at all but it stinks to high heaven.

And OP, YANBU at all.

Nanny0gg Sun 08-Oct-17 13:25:13

The email might have been easier, but I really think this should have been a face-to-face conversation.

YANBU but you should have spoken about it. You also shouldn't have let her dictate how the holiday was spent.

Imonlyfuckinghuman Sun 08-Oct-17 13:28:31

The email might have been easier, but I really think this should have been a face-to-face conversation

If I would have started this convo off with my dd she just would have walked off or said something spikey back. I honestly can't speak to mine if it's not in a sing song voice hmm

DerelictWreck Sun 08-Oct-17 13:35:25

Lol at you not getting a dog smell from your three dogs....I know a few people won claim the same thing...but everyone else can smell them.

I disagree - my friend has a few hypoallergenic dogs (wool, not fur) and you can't smell them at all, so it is possible!

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 08-Oct-17 13:52:32

She seems pretty demanding. Is there something else going on?

Therealslimshady1 Sun 08-Oct-17 13:57:49

She is demanding, and needs to act a bit more grown up!

What kind of dog do you have btw? grin not relevant, but just curious. I think the only non smelly dogs I know are whippets,and cockapoos!

Greenkit Sun 08-Oct-17 14:16:36

I am at work so sorry for not coming back straight away.

I have whippets x 3 and a cat (which her dog has started attacking)

She wont be homeless, she has a place with her friend, but it was to help her save move money. She is rather entitled, she has always been grumpy and moody, but since this new job, she is above everyone, even her own husband. New job, new friends, people turning her eye.....

Greenkit Sun 08-Oct-17 14:18:43

Re the holiday, her attitude was 'well I will go home then' which she did.

I cant speak to her when she is in a mood, she would just not listen or walk off at least with an email she could read and digest.

She started a whatsapp group added me and DH said 'Thanks for the email' and left hmm

YouTheCat Sun 08-Oct-17 14:19:47

She's an adult. Time for her to take responsibility for herself and her life choices.

Why should your cat be attacked in its own home? Tell her no and tell her to grow the fuck up.

Greenkit Sun 08-Oct-17 14:19:56

I know my digs don't smell, as I asked my mum, she would tell me (that's a whole different thread)

Greenkit Sun 08-Oct-17 14:22:28

The dog is her baby hmm and cant do any thing wrong, she is unpredictable and will go for other dogs when out, but no its everyone elses dog.

I don't like them upstairs, but she takes her dog up there in the bedroom on the spare bed.

The dog is long fur and gets wet and muddy and smelly, she brings her in and I have to clear up the mud trail on the walls and kitchen cabinets. If I say anything I am just picking on her dog.

Nanny0gg Sun 08-Oct-17 14:25:26

She started a whatsapp group added me and DH said 'Thanks for the email' and left

Tell her you might consider her moving in for 6 months to help her out, as and when she starts acting like a grown-up.

Until then, she can sort out her own messes.

Cary2012 Sun 08-Oct-17 14:57:32

Imonly, I feel your pain, I am going through similar with my 22 year old.

OP, stand your ground, you've done nothing wrong.

RebelRogue Sun 08-Oct-17 15:03:49

She started a whatsapp group added me and DH said 'Thanks for the email' and left

Yeah fuck that. YANBU.

Greenkit Sun 08-Oct-17 15:18:44

Im glad I am not being unreasonable

She isn't a very likeable person at the moment, which is a shame as we are a very close family. Her xDH is part of the family as we have known him for nearly 10 yrs, she wants us to drop him pretty much.

I will have to put up with her grumpy moods and teddies out the pram. Im not rising to it and wont pander to him any more.

YouTheCat Sun 08-Oct-17 15:23:15

But you don't have to put up with her moods. If she can't behave like a reasonable adult then tell her to fuck off.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 08-Oct-17 15:30:02

Do her a huge favour and DON'T put up with her moods.

Really. If she's going to turn into a brat she's going to start losing friends as well as the respect of her family. Do her a favour and show her that that is a mugs game.

She sounds awful tbh. And no, don't cut out her ex.

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