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AIBU-No show by friend 2nd time-WWYS?

(12 Posts)
Fretty Sun 08-Oct-17 13:09:36

Sorry, this might be a long one.

I've been friendly with another mum at DHs class for almost 4yrs now. We had a few Mums Night's outs and generally got on really well. She's been over for playdates with her DH and we been to theirs.
She has invited me and DH over without the kids a couple of times. On occasions it was kind of last minute and based on when the other guests were invited, I kind of felt that we were on the "B list".
Anyhow, tried to be not sensitive about it as it's just life really.
I've invited them back last year for DHs 40th (after her 1st invite). Big party, invites went out well in advance. They never showed, no messages, nothing. Days later I run into her at the school gate and only when I asked if everything is ok did she came up with an excuse of her DD not feeling well on the night.
We went out a couple of nights afterwards (again, a group of Mums) and we were invited to theirs once. (big party, most guests known for weeks, she told me 2 days before)
This weekend we had an occasion and it was a big one, so I invited her and her DH. Can you guess? No show, no message, nothing.
I can't decide if I am being unreasonable or rightfully upset. It's not like I can avoid her. I feel "ditched" and frankly a bit offended. AIBU to feel like this? I feel quite embarassed and have no idea how to react when I next see her. confused

Aeroflotgirl Sun 08-Oct-17 13:13:02

I would stop going to theirs, and don't invite to yours, very rude not to let you know. She does not sound that into you, invites you a few days before when people call and drop out.

pasturesgreen Sun 08-Oct-17 13:17:42

Just meet her at the school gate and leave it at that. Stop inviting her, it stings but she's giving clear signals that she's not interested in deepening the friendship.

GotToGetMyFingerOut Sun 08-Oct-17 13:19:57

Yip I'd honestly not bother with her anymore. Don't say anything about it. Just decline any last minute invites that you are obviously used to bump up numbers for when others drop out to make her look popular. And don't invite her to anything else.

Is there other people at your events that she wouldn't know?

Aeroflotgirl Sun 08-Oct-17 13:23:35

Just be polite at the gate, and decline any future invites, which make you look a bit desperate.

expatinscotland Sun 08-Oct-17 13:24:14

Stop bothering with her.

Berthatydfil Sun 08-Oct-17 13:25:55

Treat her as she treats you.
If she invites you and you want to go / there are other friends of yours going then go - if not then don’t
Similarly if youre having a small event or it’s just close friends don’t invite her if it’s perhaps a bigger thing or more casual invite her but don’t expect her to come.

EKLInTraining Sun 08-Oct-17 13:26:26

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, I'd still be polite at school gates but stop inviting her. Maybe she doesn't want to spend time with you but doesn't know how to tell you.

CocoPuffsinGodMode Sun 08-Oct-17 13:28:51

Your reaction of feeling “ditched” and worrying about next time you meet her seems disproportionate because it’s not a close friendship you’re describing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s rude not to respond to the invitation of course but really you are two people who are part of a larger friendship group and sometimes invite each other to your larger gatherings. I really wouldn’t spend any time worrying about it - you get on but aren’t close friends, that’s fine and I wouldn’t let it take up too much headspace.

BewareOfDragons Sun 08-Oct-17 13:40:05

Has she been telling you she would be there ... and then not showing up? Couldn't tell from your post.

LaughingElliot Sun 08-Oct-17 13:47:01

She just sounds like a self absorbed bore. Seriously, don’t bother with her. I mean, hi and a quick chat but no more.

Fretty Sun 08-Oct-17 14:03:58

@BewareOfDragons
Yes, she did confirm. More than once in fact!

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