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MIL driving me insane re newborn

(114 Posts)
Lovingtyrells Sun 08-Oct-17 07:25:52

Not sure if I am BU or not ? We are temporarily living with my MIL- paying over the odds so she is benefiting financially and likes the company. She is obsessed with the newborn which I guess is natural. But she constantly tells us what to do, more me I guess. Takes the baby off me when she wants, barges in when I am changing the nappy and tells me I am doing it wrong. I have to keep telling her not to put the baby on his side as it's now the back. I really can't take it and getting snappy with her now because I needn't to do things my way. I appreciate having the support as I know some people have no one and it's nice she really loves the baby plus asks me how I am and offers to cook etc. But I can't take being critiqued constantly for small things.

Husband says letting her help doesn't mean I am incapable. Also she is one of 8 so has experience.

Pengggwn Sun 08-Oct-17 07:28:25

Why are you living with her?

Nightsleepneeded Sun 08-Oct-17 07:28:27

No advice I'm afraid, but watching with interest as I am due to move in temporarily with my well meaning PIL's who dote on their baby GS.

Alittlepotofrosie Sun 08-Oct-17 07:30:25

Move out or put your foot down. How dare she take your baby off you? Next time tell her no even if it does cause ructions.

PotteringAlong Sun 08-Oct-17 07:30:44

If you're paying over the odds then why not save money and move out?

speakout Sun 08-Oct-17 07:31:31

I'm afraid the only answer is to move out.

NerrSnerr Sun 08-Oct-17 07:35:07

I think the only way around this would be to move out. I assume she won’t take kindly to being told to back off.

Hermagsjesty Sun 08-Oct-17 07:37:02

Move out - unless it’s absolutely impossible to.

Oysterbabe Sun 08-Oct-17 07:37:09

Yep move out. No chance would I live with in-laws and a baby.

AdalindSchade Sun 08-Oct-17 07:38:51

Why did you agree to this horrible arrangement?!

Brighteyes27 Sun 08-Oct-17 07:39:13

Move out now before it ruins your relationship with her even more and possibly permanently.
Why on earth are you living with her?
My MIL threatened to cone and stay with us for three whole weeks once DS was born the thought of that and any interference was stressful enough for me to put my foot down.

Lagerthaisfabulous Sun 08-Oct-17 07:40:21

You need to move out. Regardless of how much you are paying.

grafittiartist Sun 08-Oct-17 07:40:31

Can you have a day out without her, or a regular group to go to? Then you would have a break from her, and reinforce who's supposed to be in charge, without upsetting her.

ivykaty44 Sun 08-Oct-17 07:45:57

I would sit her Dow and give her a shit sandwich

Tell her you really appreciate her cooking you lovely meals

You are finding her advice “overwhelming” and although you realise she means well it’s uosettung you. So can she leave you to find your own way as you’d really appreciate this

Then finish of with you know that she is such a patient kind person that you’ll be able rely on her letting you do things your own way and how comfortable you feel in saying this as you know that she’ll understand

supersop60 Sun 08-Oct-17 07:45:57

Another one saying move out. You are in charge of your baby, and shouldn't have to fight anyone to make sure that happens. If she wants to help, then great, but it has to be your way.

aaaaargghhhhelpme Sun 08-Oct-17 07:49:35

Why are you living there? If you can afford to pay over the odds I'd concentrate on getting out and getting your own space

In the meantime get your DH on side. The fact she's one of eight so understands children is neither here nor there. This is your child. (And her info appears slightly out of date re putting baby on side etc)

strawberrisc Sun 08-Oct-17 07:51:56

Tell her that if she keeps taking over then you'll never learn (to humour her). Kindly tell her if you want her advice you'll ask for it. Finally, if she keeps putting baby on it's side print out non-lengthy literature about cot death statistics and why baby should be on it's back.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sun 08-Oct-17 07:54:35

Why are you paying over the odds as well for living with her? Whose idea was it to move in with her in the first place?. I would move out and asap. Do not live within such an environment any longer than you absolutely need to.

She being one of eight children means nothing; its your child so your way. Her ways are out of date, she has played at being mother already and now it is your turn. She has also made a hash of parenting as well given how her son, your now husband has turned out.

Such people like his mother are overbearing and never ever mean well. Its their way or no way as far as they are concerned. Her obsession is becoming a real problem.

Your H does not seem to be able to stand up for his own self in his mother's presence and may never have your back either. He is still seeking her approval and is likely to be far more afraid of her than he ever would be of you.

SonicBoomBoom Sun 08-Oct-17 07:56:58

You need to move out.

AppleTrayBake Sun 08-Oct-17 07:59:15

Agree with everyone else, take back some independence and move out.

It's the only way the dynamic of you being the children and her being the grownup will change.

Pengggwn Sun 08-Oct-17 08:01:19

When you say she puts the baby down on his side, though, is that when she is doing bedtime or is it when you have put the baby down yourself? They are two slightly different situations. In the first, she is being a bit obtuse not listening to you, but fundamentally she is doing it as part of helping you out. In the second, I would be telling her in no uncertain terms: do not touch the baby once he is asleep. I am his mother and I will decide the sleeping position that is safest for him. No debate.

purplewaterbottle Sun 08-Oct-17 08:15:50

Never ever live with in laws! Moved in with ours last year with a new born, took a year to get back out and was HELL. Nearly completely destroyed me and DH relationship and I'm convinced half the problems we have wit DS are because of where we were.
We paid 'over the odds' (was talked into it as a money saving venture but actually wasn't), we tied ourselves up in renting our house so couldn't move back, DS went to local primary so couldn't move back. It was horrific! We had to wait for tenancy to run out then sell and look for somewhere to live close to the school.
I think it's genuinely going to take years for us to recover financially and emotionally from living with in laws.

Birdsgottafly Sun 08-Oct-17 08:28:51

If you can't move out, then you've got to have an honest conversation with her.

You are snapping and this will go into a blow up.

Tell your DH what you intend and regardless of what he says, go ahead.

You'll find out exactly were you stand and the way that you are feeling, it can't get any worse, in the long run.

Inertia Sun 08-Oct-17 08:33:09

I'd move out.

Lovingtyrells Sun 08-Oct-17 08:35:16

Arghhh! Yes I am worried about baby getting into bad habits.

It's complicated but we can't move back out before about a year !

She says stuff as a joke like oh look you are the problem with the baby waking up :O

Maybe I will have to speak to her but I am scared i know that sounds stupid.

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