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To be sick of hearing...

(16 Posts)
Firsttimemummy17 Sat 07-Oct-17 23:05:50

How I should parent? Met with dh and work colleagues (dh and I work in the same place) for the first time since I returned from mat leave in Sept.

No, my baby doesn't sleep through, yes I still night feed, no I don't want to cry it out and no I don't think I'm creating a monster because I go to her in the night.

When did it become other people's business how I raise my child? Yes, I'm tired, but I do my job and I am coping. Of course I would love dd to sleep, but I also just want to enjoy her and not 'train' her. Aibu?

FenceSitter01 Sat 07-Oct-17 23:18:09

Your rod, your back. Just smile and say nothing - but of course, your DH, I hope he;s doing some night stuff. But in seriousness I couldn't function with broken sleep, mind you mine slept through from 6 weeks, and to be fair I cant think of anything I'd be enjoying in the middle of the night with the thought of work and a commute next day other than unbroken sleep.

Tottyandmarchpane1 Sat 07-Oct-17 23:50:41

I don’t think enjoy her and ‘train’ her are mutually exclusive. TBH it depends on how old she is really, I don’t think anybody can really be enjoying broken sleep and back to work and their child. If you don’t want to sleep train then that is fine, I suspect they are trying to help with things that have worked for them rather than criticise your parenting. Although with little sleep we are all more sensitive. Maybe don’t bring it up again and then they won’t comment?

UnicornRainbowColours Sun 08-Oct-17 07:56:21

Thing with sleep training is you don’t have to let her cry it out.. there are gentler methods

InDubiousBattle Sun 08-Oct-17 08:03:27

Some of us parents managed to simultaneously sleep train and enjoy our children! In my experience parents of older children always want to tell you what worked for them wrt sleep, and the parents of younger children never want to hear it. Just smile and nod.

treaclesoda Sun 08-Oct-17 08:04:56

Just smile and ignore.

This is how parenthood is, there is always someone itching to tell you you've got it all wrong.

SleepingInYourFlowerbed Sun 08-Oct-17 08:07:25

Just ignore them OP. Including the PPs who also seem to think you should sleep train. Some of us can enjoy our children and work and NOT sleep train too. I certainly have.

Discotits Sun 08-Oct-17 08:09:04

I think it’s what Dubious said, people who have older kids are probably telling you what worked. I’ve met a fair few newish parents recently who have broken sleep and if they pull a face after asking what I did with my children, I just internally shrug. New parents can also be pretty know it all. Just ignore them or shut down the conversation if you don’t like it.

Dsmummy Sun 08-Oct-17 08:11:22

Ignore it. My baby is 8 months, I’m currently up every 2 hours in the night breastfeeding as it’s what she needs and wants. You gotta do what works for you.

Crumbs1 Sun 08-Oct-17 08:12:32

I'm a draconian sleep training advocate but managed to enjoy mine more because they slept well (apart from the first). Your baby, your call but parents can't complain about lack of sleep after about 9 months if they don't actually set clear expectations and teach their children to settle themselves through the night.

boredofmyoldname Sun 08-Oct-17 08:13:32

Welcome to parenthood, where everyone thinks they know better than you, that all kids respond to the same methods, you are judged for every choice you make and you pretty much can't do anything right! It's a wonderful time grin

I formula fed my first and had a perfect routine from day 1. He slept through at 3.

I breastfed my second and she just had to fit in with DS' school times etc. She's just started sleeping though reliably at 4.2 years.

We tried cry it out and no cry methods, gradual retreats etc etc but none of it worked for us.

LinoleumBlownapart Sun 08-Oct-17 08:15:54

Some people are obsessed with sleep, so much so that months, years or even decades later it is still the central focus of their conversation about babies. For others like you it is less important. I would just say I'm not worried about my sleep, so you shouldn't be worried about it either and change the topic.

GreatFuckability Sun 08-Oct-17 08:16:55

Well I agree with you, that its not anyone's business. But you yourself are making a judgement in your OP that you can't enjoy her and 'train' her. So, if you don't want to be judged, you also need to work on not judging. It's not as easy as you think.

CigarsofthePharoahs Sun 08-Oct-17 08:31:22

I have had to listen to someone repeatedly drone on about how they sleep trained their baby at 3 months old. Mostly using crying it out methods.
They seemed most put out I wasn't doing the same thing with my 2nd child. To be fair, my 2nd child was a terrible sleeper until past 3 but we'd tried some sleep training methods and they just didn't work for him.
My eldest had a good routine and slept well. It's a personality thing I think. My eldest still thrives with routine, my youngest not so much!
Sleep deprivation does really suck though.

MarcelineTheVampire Sun 08-Oct-17 09:05:48

My 5 month old is a text book baby - sleeps through the night, naps, breastfed easily....my 2 year old NEVER sleeps!!

I have done nothing differently at all. You carry on if you're happy to do so- I have never fancied the CC either so haven't done it.

Albertschair Sun 08-Oct-17 14:07:07

Op hasn't said it is impossible to sleep train and enjoy your babies. She has implied she doesn't think she could train her baby and enjoy her baby.

And of course parents can complain about lack of sleep if they don't sleep train. And indeed if they do. As above it doesn't work for every child. There is often a smugness that if only you applied yourself your child would sleep properly. Eat properly. Speak properly.

It just helps those of us with "good" babies feel better about our selves and those with more challenging babies worse

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