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AIBU?

To say I'll leave her to make contact next?

4 replies

Witsender · 07/10/2017 14:44

I can't decide if I am being overly sensitive or not.

Friend and I have been close for about 16 yrs. Now both married and 2 kids each. I am 38 wks pregnant with #3 and home ed the other two and DH works full time.

Her husband works away 2 months on 2 months off. Her two kids are 4 and 18 months, older at school full time and younger at nursery a couple of times a week.

Historically over the last few years the narrative from wider friends etc is that she has so much going on, we all have to help out. Which we do. Which grated a tiny bit as tbh, with two kids at home full time, a part time job and a husband only around evenings and weekends it has felt pretty equal.

However now obviously I do have a lot on, and am increasingly huge and knackered. But there has not been even one message to check in and see how we are doing, offer support etc. If I message with just chat, or to suggest a meet up or whatever it is rare I get a response at all. The only messages that have had a promptish response have been the ones inviting round for coffee or lunch, then the last couple of times the kids have stayed here while she has popped to shops etc.

DH quite rightly says that sometimes it is the closest friendships that allow this kind of ease of communication etc, and that maybe she is finding it hard going at the moment. All of which I agree with, but then it just doesn't feel very equal. Friend has a reputation for being massive supportive to everyone, going out of her way etc, it just feels like that doesn't extend to me? I gave up using messenger to communicate as weeks would go by with her being active but not reading my messages. It's been weeks that it has been hit or miss if I will hear from her or get a response or whatever.

I'm aware this makes me sound stalky, which I'm really not. I've just been continuing our usual level of conversation and have just noticed recently that it hasn't been returned.

So I'm just feeling a bit meh about it at the moment, and a little like I'm fed up with being the ever accommodating and supportive, understanding friend. But then I wonder if something is going on I don't know about? Am I being a shit to say that I'm just not going to get in touch again, and let her make contact if she wants to? I'm not saying I'm going to throw a strop, or be shirty or passive aggressive or whatever, just keep quiet for a while.

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Ellendegeneres · 07/10/2017 15:25

You're not being shit at all. You're 38weeks pregnant, don't even think about her. I wouldn't rush to tell her you've had baby either, she'll be round for cuddles of baby and you'll feel used that she's not been bothered about you all this time and suddenly wants to know cause of tiny little person.

Focus on you and yours. If she's a real friend, she'll be in touch with an explanation.

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Ellendegeneres · 07/10/2017 15:26

Oh and good luck!

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MrBloomsLeftVeg · 07/10/2017 15:31

Sorry you are having a rough time.
I would also say 'only' having husband home evenings and weekends isn't at all the same as two solid relentless months of parenting alone.
Having lived through both (currently with husband away long periods), I'd much rather a friend in your position told me they needed support. Quite often when hubby is away, I do get blinkered and just focus on me and dc surviving. Knowing there is respite coming of an evening and weekend isn't quite the same.