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Uncomfortable around a Mum after incident

(25 Posts)
WeLikeLucy Fri 06-Oct-17 17:41:58

Don't know if this is in the right place, but any views on how I should deal with/think about this would be good.

A few months ago my DS rode his scooter into another Mum's car at some speed by accident (he is four years old). I told him off for not being careful (but to be fair it was a new toy and he was not that confident), checked the car and thought he had not caused any damage. I had literally looked away for a second and couldn't believe it had happened so quickly. All of the children had been scooting in a large car park, including this Mum's DS.

The Mum saw it happen and came over. She called me back and said "This damage wasn't here before". Then I noticed the wing mirror had been knocked off a bit. She was quite annoyed. I had not looked at that part of the car because I did not think he had collided there. I apologised and said I'd pay for the damage; asking her to send me a quote. I gave her my phone number and that evening she sent me a quote for the part (her DH would fix it) and I paid her by bank transfer that evening.

Anyway, when my DS started school in September, I realised her DS attends the same school. Even though our children are in different years, there is some cross-over with our friendship groups and we end up in the same places. I see her a lot and she is very frosty towards me. She obviously knows who I am but never says hello and makes it very obvious that she is snubbing me with dramatic looks away or frosty stares. Her friend has now started doing it too. I feel really uncomfortable going into the school grounds or park when she is there.

littlecabbage Fri 06-Oct-17 17:49:05

It sounds to me as though she is holding a massive grudge for no good reason. Even though you suspected your son didn't cause the damage, you paid anyway. That is more than reasonable.

I would call her bluff and ask her very politely if you can speak to her (on her own) and just explain you thought the issue had been resolved but she seems a bit upset with you and you would really like to resolve any issues that might remain.

She will hopefully realise she is being a twat and feel embarrassed, and treat you with more respect afterwards. This is playground childishness, and by remaining the polite, reasonable grown-up, you will force her to act like one too, or look like an idiot.

PuckeredAhole Fri 06-Oct-17 17:49:29

Hold your head up high and ignore her. The matter has been closed. You apologised and paid up. She is clearly immature and has nothing to busy herself with other than making you feel uncomfortable.

When people do this to others it gives them a sense of control. Don't hand it to her. Just ignore and don't give her the chance to give you that icy stare. Don't even acknowledge her existence.

Sohurt17 Fri 06-Oct-17 17:51:24

Say a cheery “hi!” with a big smile each time you see her. Should take the wind out of her sails.

Mayhemmumma Fri 06-Oct-17 17:53:13

Blimey what a misery! You apologised, you paid for repairs....whats the problem.

Hold your head high OP nothing worth worrying over.

Fixmylife Fri 06-Oct-17 17:54:10

Could she be worried about being caught out in a lie? If the damage was not caused by your son she may have told others about the incident and be worried now someone will tell you.

SabineUndine Fri 06-Oct-17 17:55:15

I’m with Sohurt. She’s probably worried you’ll mention you know she was taking the piss.

IamImportantToo Fri 06-Oct-17 17:56:45

Actually let me rephrase that last sentence:

IF my children behaved like that, i would stop it, explain why it was totally unacceptable and tell them how they should behave.

If they persisted, we would leave/whatever i needed to do to stop the situation continuing.

IamImportantToo Fri 06-Oct-17 17:58:21

Sorry. Wrong thread. blush

Dontfuckingsaycheese Fri 06-Oct-17 17:59:08

He really should have got off it before entering school grounds.

WeLikeLucy Fri 06-Oct-17 17:59:32

I think my DS probably did cause the damage. I felt annoyed with myself that I did not notice it. Do you think she thinks I was trying to get out of it - pretending I did not think the car was damaged as I walked away?

I think this Mum is a bit of a spiteful person though. Before this incident I had introduced myself to that group of friends in the park - her friends chatted to me, but she seemed to not want to include me.

Monkeypuzzle32 Fri 06-Oct-17 18:00:00

wind her up by saying 'Hi!' everytime you see her then looking away quickly!

Areyoufree Fri 06-Oct-17 18:01:05

She might just feel awkward about it. In a situation like that, I might think the person who had paid for the damage felt resentful towards me, and want to keep my distance.

WeLikeLucy Fri 06-Oct-17 18:01:23

Don'tfucking - It was not on the school grounds - it was on a Village Hall car park. Unfortunately the village does not have anywhere for kids to ride bikes or scoot, so people often use the car park. The cars only park at the edges and there is a big empty space in the middle. There were lots of kids using it that day - including hers!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Fri 06-Oct-17 18:07:31

Firstly you've done nothing wrong.
Your ds accidentally bumped her car. You disciplined him and paid for the damage. What else does she want. Your heart on a plate.
This women has decided to hold a grudge and that she doesn't like you.
Don't try and force it. Fuck her, she doesn't deserve your friendship.

DailyMailReadersAreThick Fri 06-Oct-17 18:15:35

Firstly you've done nothing wrong.

Apart from letting her kid play in a car park. I get that other people were doing it too but seriously, what the hell?

HalloweenStar Fri 06-Oct-17 18:18:18

When people do this to others it gives them a sense of control. Don't hand it to her

^This exactly

BewareOfDragons Fri 06-Oct-17 18:19:23

Anyone who would treat you like this because a FOUR year old accidentally caused some damage, which you covered, isn't worth a second thought.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered Fri 06-Oct-17 18:22:16

A quote from Rebecca Campbell

The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, will point blank not like you. But it is also filled with those who will love you fiercley. They are your people. You are not for everything and that’s OK. Talk to the people who can hear you.

Don’t waste your precious time and gifts trying to convince them of your value, they won’t ever want what you’re selling. Don’t convince them to walk alongside you. You’ll be wasting both your time and theirs and will likely inflict unnecessary wounds, which will take precious time to heal. You are not for them and they are not for you; politely wave them on and continue along your way. Sharing your path with someone is a sacred gift; don’t cheapen it by rolling yours in the wrong direct.

Keep facing your true north.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered Fri 06-Oct-17 18:22:52

I'd remain dignified. Lots of cheery hellos. It's her issue not yours.

KeyChange Fri 06-Oct-17 18:23:37

She's a dick. Clearly not much going on in her life. Don't acknowledge it - people wo are worth knowing will get to know you and won't base their opinion on her spite.

Coloursthatweremyjoy Fri 06-Oct-17 18:27:55

She is being silly as best, downright mean at worst. It's done with...what else are you supposed to do? Sackcloth and ashes?

As a new driver many years ago I hit a parked car and caused a small amount of damage. I did the right thing, left my details, accepted blame, paid for the damage. The owner of that car turned out to be a medical professional I would later regularly see! He knows who I am. He has never mentioned it though and always been professional and friendly. Imo my situation is far worse than yours!

WeLikeLucy Fri 06-Oct-17 18:28:23

Dailymail - You would have to see the car park, to see that cars entering it are visible from a long distance before they actually enter the bit where kids play. Also, there are never many cars actually parked on it. There were about four - belonging to Mums who were with their kids in our group.

justgivemethepinot Fri 06-Oct-17 18:44:00

Some people can't handle things being sorted out in a civilised way. No drama so some has to be created. Ignore and press on.

Danceswithwarthogs Fri 06-Oct-17 20:21:36

She sounds like a cow, you did the right thing... it's her problem if she can't move on and be friendly.

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