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AIBU or was this mum's reaction completely out of order?

(229 Posts)
Mummamia123 Fri 06-Oct-17 13:13:08

Hi, just looking for some perspective on this. My son who is 2 1/2 is quite boisterous when he plays, he's got no malice in him bless him, but he can be a bit rough when playing! He loves playing tag with other children and but is too young to realise that others don't always understand the game and can be upset and think he's pushing. Recently while at our local baby group this 'tag' obsession ended up in him pushing another child twice. The first time I immediately told him not to push, then apologised to his mother whilst also looking after my young baby. The second time I was watching from across the room (again with my young baby) sprinted across to handle the situation, however the mother's instant reaction was to angrily shout "WHERE'S HIS MOTHER?" Before storming off with "That's the second time that's happened!". The group isn't that large so her aggressive response caused the whole room to stop! I again immediately apologised and told my son we were going home. Am I wrong or was her reaction completely inappropriate for a situation concerning toddlers? I've lost count of the amount of times my son has been pushed by other children, had toys snatched from him, etc and not once did I react like that! Just hoping I suppose that I'm not alone in thinking that we've all got to expect a certain amount of roughness in play and misunderstandings with babies. I would understand more if he were older but even then I'd expect the parent in question to quietly take me to one side and chat about it, not try to publicly parent-shame! Would love to hear some thoughts on this. Also, should I talk to the mum about it the next time I see her? Or stop my son from playing with her child? Help would be much appreciated ❤️

TheSparrowhawk Fri 06-Oct-17 13:16:35

It really depends. I once lost my shit entirely because of kid who was constantly rough with other children pushed my 1 year old over and he hit his head on the floor. IMO if your child is like that you have to stay close to them as much as you can and intervene the second they look like they're up to no good. It can be very very frustrating to have to constantly watch another person's child in order to prevent your own child from getting hurt.

SparklyMagpie Fri 06-Oct-17 13:18:24

Tbh I could see myself snapping if my son was being pushed over by the same child.

Moanyoldcow Fri 06-Oct-17 13:18:44

I think this is a bit tricky. Of course they cannot control themselves but if you know they're prone to behaviour that could hurt another child you should be supervising more closely.

I wouldn't have shouted like that but I would've been annoyed if it had happened twice in quick succession.

I was once at a soft play and my son got bitten twice by a much younger child. I wasn't angry the first time but the second I was, albeit reasonably quietly. If you know your child is a 'biter' or a 'pusher' or a 'hitter' etc then you need to keep them under a watchful eye.

I think she was BU for shouting so loudly but you were a bit U for not keeping a closer eye.

Sohurt17 Fri 06-Oct-17 13:19:01

Difficult to say without being there. But actually I don’t think 2 1/2 is too young to understand. How hard is he pushing? Do the children fall over?

PinkHeart5914 Fri 06-Oct-17 13:19:44

Well I don’t like parents that say well his just “boisterous” tbh and no I don’t expect a certain amount of “roughness” from a toddler

I don’t think the other Mum was that out of line, it was the second time yours child had pushed hers.

Imo if your child is as you say “boisterous” then you need to stay as close as possible and need to go over when they look like they are going to be naughty and when they push others they need telling each time that it is not nice.

NataliaOsipova Fri 06-Oct-17 13:20:34

I do feel for you! In fairness to the other mother, though, she doesn't know your son and therefore can't be expected to judge, as you have, that he "has no malice in him". All she's seen is a much bigger child deliberately push her baby. If she only has a baby, she may have no experience of toddlers. I think, in your shoes, the next time I saw her, I would apologise again and try to explain that your son just loves playing tag but that you have explained to him that he needs to be very careful with the babies as they are so much smaller than he is. If she gets to know your son a little, she may perceive his behaviour differently and react differently in future.

StrawberryMummy90 Fri 06-Oct-17 13:20:49

YABU - if your child is boisterous you need to supervise him. Also at 2 1/2 years old he's old enough to be told he can't play 'tag' with other children unless they want to play with him.
I don't blame the mum for getting angry after her child has been pushed twice, you should of been supervising.

thecatfromjapan Fri 06-Oct-17 13:21:10

No, it's over the top. She sounds a bit tricky.

Come on, you know this in your heart of hearts! When do you start shouting and storming around ('To give X a piece of my mind')? I can count the times I've done that to anyone not a member of my immediate family ... never! I've never done it. It's not necessary.

Well done for avoiding a public row with limited-bandwidth-woman.

Mummamia123 Fri 06-Oct-17 13:21:17

I can understand that if it was a repeat thing, but it's the first time I or my child has ever meant them. As I say this has happened to my child on many occasions and I've never reacted like that. If it was repeated I would definitely say something to the parent however, but in private. Also, as much as I try I think it's completely impossible to prempt your child doing anything that may be considered antisocial at all times.

Bubblebubblepop Fri 06-Oct-17 13:21:52

It depends. If I were in a bad mood that day I'd probably react the same. Just human life isn't it? No biggie

Osolea Fri 06-Oct-17 13:22:13

Parents can over react when they see their child being hurt, it's just a natural instinct and it doesn't mean that the mum was totally out of order. She may well regret her outburst, and it could easily have come from other stresses she has in her life and not just your child.

If you know your child has a 'tag obsession' that leads to other children being pushed, then you need to stay closer than the other side of the room to prevent it happening. Hard work with a young baby in tow as well, I know, but I think you did the right thing in talking your child home after it happened.

Kidssendingmenuts Fri 06-Oct-17 13:22:24

I'd be extremely miffed if any of my children kept getting pushed over, so no I don't think she was over reacting at all. Maybe the first time I'd be like fair enough accidents happen especially if mum apologised and had a word, but if he went and did it again to my child I can guarantee I'd lock him in the toy cupboard and chuck you the key to sort him out to be honest.

thecatfromjapan Fri 06-Oct-17 13:22:37

I'm amazed at some of these responses. Do people really behave in such a weirdly aggressive way in babygroups? Or did I just go to really mellow ones?

Thereshegoesagain Fri 06-Oct-17 13:23:05

Instead of telling him to stop pushing, tell him to stop playing tag. That's what he thinks he's doing.

AuntLydia Fri 06-Oct-17 13:23:36

Yeah she totally over reacted. The playgroups I go to are full of little toddlers who sometimes snatch, hit and push. Luckily all parents and guardians are very reasonable - the kids behaviour is corrected by whoever sees it and as they grow up they grow out of it. The only parents that annoy me are the ones who take no notice or action throughout the session time and again.

BenLui Fri 06-Oct-17 13:24:31

Two and a half isn’t too young to understand “don’t push”.

You need to do something about your child’s “tagging obsession” it isn’t tag unless the other person knows that they are playing.

jaseyraex Fri 06-Oct-17 13:24:43

Yesterday a younger boy at our local playgroup kept grabbing my youngest from behind for a "cuddle". His mum kept laughing it off as cute and harmless despite me saying my son clearly wasn't enjoying it and he has ASD so doesn't appreciate anyone touching him, it royally pissed me off. I lost it and shouted at her.

But, given that it seems like you were intervening each time your child pushed the other kid, she maybe over reacted a little bit. It is frustrating if your children are getting hurt at the expense of other kids though, some parents are diplomatic about it and some prefer to go off on one about it. I don't think you can really stop your son from playing with the other kid at a group, but maybe a private apology to the mum and remind her you're doing your best to stop it from happening but sometimes just can't get there quick enough!

Dinosauratemydaffodils Fri 06-Oct-17 13:25:15

I'd say she overreacted. This morning the same little boy (roughly the same age as ds) tried to take a train off him three times with varying degrees of success. I didn't scream at his Mother. She was trying to prevent it and there was no need to embarrass her. I've been there both as the mother of the younger child and now as the Mother of slightly feral 2 and a half year old. There is a certain amount of rough and tumble type behaviour expected at those sort of groups I think and as long as parents are trying to prevent the worst of it, the groups I attend just shrug it off. That said I'm perhaps lucky in ds has his own group of suitably feral friends and they tend to limit their rougher games to each other. I don't think you should have left though. A child trying to play tag isn't the same as one shoving smaller children out of the way or trying to make them fall over on purpose.

DunkMeInTomatoSoup Fri 06-Oct-17 13:25:19

You may think your offspring is cute and playing - others don't.

DonkeyOaty Fri 06-Oct-17 13:27:09

No running indoors would work, no?

BoredOnMatLeave Fri 06-Oct-17 13:27:45

Her reaction was a little bit OTT but I would definitely had a quiet word with you, if you know he does this you should be in grabbing distance of him all the time to be honest.

is quite boisterous when he plays, he's got no malice in him bless him, but he can be a bit rough when playing

^ This is usually something said by parents of "spirited" children though!

JeReviens Fri 06-Oct-17 13:28:34

Look - if you're going to have an uncontrolled 'spirited' child then this is going to happen again and again. At his age he should be able to understand when you tell him not to do this.

0DB Fri 06-Oct-17 13:29:01

Mine was a potential biter. It meant I had to supervise him very closely and remove him at the first sign of his temper starting.
That's the pita situation when you have children who have limited awareness. I've got angry at parents for leaving their child to eye gouge and push.
Supervise the little treasure.

Tilapia Fri 06-Oct-17 13:29:41

I can see both sides of this. It does sound like she over reacted, but I can also understand her getting upset. It's awful when your child keeps getting hurt by other kids.

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