To ask year 7 DS to not take his iPhone to school

[Itsgettingbetter]

Am I being unreasonable? A lot of the other children do, despite the school operating a 'no mobiles' policy and people having to request special permission to have one with them.

In the short few weeks that my DS has been at secondary he has lost three ties, a pair of £60 trainers, a valuable calculator (though this did resurface), half his PE kit and lots of stationery. As an LP on a moderate income and receiving no support from his Dad this absolutely exasperating.

Despite my misgivings about his having a mobile I got him one so that he could stay in contact with friends during the weekend. But he says he feels 'left out and jealous' as the majority of year 7s take their phones in and use them before and after school.

I recognise I probably shouldn't have got him such a costly phone that I am terrified of him either losing or having stolen from him (we live in inner London). I've said he either returns it and gets a more modest phone that I would be more comfortable with him taking in or he keeps the phone at home and using it during the weekends / evenings after homework. He snuck it in yesterday so I've now banned it for five days. As a result there is now a sour atmosphere at home that I can't bare.

Am I being unfair asking him to leave it at home? I'm thinking of reasoning with him that if he loses nothing significant for 3 months then he can take it.

[KityGlitr]

Are you sure he's 'losing' all of that? That's a lot of stuff to go missing. Is there a chance he's being bullied or having the items stolen?

[TheGuffalo]

He needs a phone as there are nonpay phones anymore. How about a really basic one for emergencies and iPhone at home.

Also would make him use an otter box as he screen will broken immediately

[Whitegrenache]

I'm old fashioned and was against dd having a mobile phone but when she went into Y 7 this September she gets a bus home from school and then another public bus after that so she only switches it on as soon as she leaves school property. Would that be ok for your ds?
Our understanding is that if she loses it she has to replace it with her pocket money

[BertrandRussell]

"He needs a phone as there are nonpay phones anymore. How about a really basic one for emergencies and iPhone at home."

I suppose that depends on his journey?

[Itsgettingbetter]

Kity It's an absolutely enormous school and he is a bit absent minded with keeping hold of his stuff

My concern is not emergencies, though it would help put my mind at rest as I do panic and worry when he is late.

He specifically wants to take the iPhone with him to game, use the bus app and share memes and videos with friends

[NotEnglish]

It's his phone, right?
You gave it to him as a present I assume.
So talk about it's value with him. And tell him clearly, that if he looses it or it gets stolen, it will be gone, you won't buy a new one.
Then let him decide.

(I really don't understand what the point of a MOBILE phone is if it is not allowed to leave the house. WHY did you buy a kid a phone worth hundreds when there are cheap options available?)

[Itsgettingbetter]

The journey is straightforward, not complex and he is sensible out and about. I really don't think he 'needs' it on him. For DS, it's about fitting in

[londonmummy1966]

But if the school rule is no mobiles other than in exceptional circumstances then he shouldn't be taking it in to school should he? DDs school allow them to bring phones in provided they are handed over at registration and then kept in a locked box until going home time. If they fail to hand over their phones and are caught then usually the parents have to go in to get it and I have told DD I'm not going in to get it straightaway so she'll be without it for longer then if she'd followed the rules. Rules are there to be followed and parents shouldn't be encouraging children to break them, nor should we be too easily swayed by arguments that "everyone" else has their phone/ wears branded trainers that are not on the school approved uniform list/has their ears pierced multiple times etc etc

[mumsiedarlingrevolta]

not to de-rail but do you name everything?
Because his school might have a lost property/Pupil Services type place where lost items-things lift behind on changing room floor etc might turn up?
And the problem with the phone is that if he loses it or it gets nicked then what?

[littlebird7]

My dd year 8 and does not take her phone to school. She uses it after school and at weekends. If you are unconcerned about his safety and it sounds like he doesn't need it, I would stick to your guns.
He will get into trouble possibly, and it will be a huge distraction at school. I think you are completely right to say no.

[ToffeeCaramel]

Was it the latest model of iphone? If you do get one it would probably be best to get a cheaper one as he has lost a lot of stuff.

[ToffeeCaramel]

Yes do name things. Dd's school returns named lost stuff (her primary didn't) We got back an entire PE kit in year 7, although it was the only thing she lost that i can think of.

[TheGuffalo]

I suppose that depends on his journey?

I legitimately can't think of a pay phone local to me that hasn't become home to a homeless man or a pissoir with a broken phone in it. Even those aren't close by.

I don't feel comfortable leaving the house without a mobile in case of emergency. He should have something, it certainly doesn't need to be a smart phone and can be as basic as £15 pound thing of Ebay just so he can make an emergency call if he sees an accident/ gets mugged/ loses his money/ buss pass keys etc

[TheGuffalo]

What about insisting on a really good case (he buys it) and also insisting he pays insurance for the iphone should it get lost? Then it's on him.

I had this and my toddler tossed it out a second story window on to bricks and not a scratch on the phone.

www.otterbox.co.uk/en/iphone-8-iphone-7/defender-series-case/apl2-iph16.html

i got mine for less on ebay.

[Restingwitchface]

I would buy him a case and let him take it. If it gets lost he gets a nokia brick. I have actually done this before with dd2, she had the basic nokia for nearly a year and ended up quite liking it

[RedSkyAtNight]

Fitting in is a huge deal in Y7, so I'd let him take it.
Well, actually I wouldn't have bought him such an expensive phone, but I guess it's too late for that.

I'd certainly reconsider buying expensive items in future if he keeps losing them!

[totoromama]

My DD just started y7. She has a v basic top up phone to take to school. She likes it as she can call if bus is late in the morning and often calls at lunch or when walking home if she is worried about something.
She has a new Moto phone at home. If she doesn't loose her cheap phone we'll let her take it to school but I don't really see why she'd need it. I don't really want her surfing at school.

[JonSnowsWife]

DDs school is that they can have mobiles but they are not to be seen with them. I e on the bus to school texting me = fine. Getting it out to in the school corridor before a lesson = not fine.

I was hesitant letting DD take hers but as my niece said to me they all have one now. DDs isn't an iphone. It's a basic PAYG one that we keep credit topped up on. The payphones on the bus route here are either non-existent on vandalised.

[Itsgettingbetter]

Thanks for all the opinions so far.

I've been horrendously busy with my own deadlines and starting a new job so haven't done the name-labelling thing and will be making this a (joint!) project for the weekend

The phone is a 5s, not too expensive, but not cheap either. Perhaps foolish of me, but it has I've loved it for access to news and music and wanted him to have the same experience. Will consider Brick for school days and perhaps he could save up for the Otterbox case, which sounds great

[specialsubject]

10 quid small phone, leave the chunky fragile power hungry brick at home.

What the other kids do is of zero interest , and your son is not allowed to break the rules. Also contact the school for help with any bullying over ' mmy brick is whizzier than your brick'.

Kids need to learn not to be sheep.

[BeatriceBeaudelaire]

The trainers were probably stolen, not lost, btw. I remember my amazing purple trainers being stolen when I was doing PE -_-

[BackforGood]

Totally agree with NotEnglish. There's no point in having a mobile phone you can't take out with you.
You were daft to buy him an expensive phone in the first place. However, that is done. You need to talk to him about the fact you won't be able to replace it if it gets lost / stolen / broken. Be clear that if he chooses to take it to school with him then that is his responsibility and once it is gone, he will be without a phone until his pocket money can be saved to buy the next one.

[BeatriceBeaudelaire]

Also people saying he’ll need it for emergencies ... we’ll all of his mates have their phones apparently so he can just borrow one of theirs

[PandorasXbox]

At our school children are allowed their phones but must put them in their lockers during lessons, is that an option maybe?

[CandyMelts]

Is it not insured? That solves your problem, he can pay the excess with Christmas money if required