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To ask if you felt you couldn't love two children

(63 Posts)
ItsTrueIsntIt Thu 05-Oct-17 21:27:12

Sorry if this is too vague...

I have 1 Dc who is 3 (there would be at least 4.5 year age gap!!) and we are thinking of number 2 and I’m in two minds about having a second as I cant think how I could love a second the same as my dc!

My grandma had 2 and favoured the eldest and my mum had 2 and favoured the youngest and I do not want to make any child feel like they’re second best!

I don’t know how to do it!

Please someone tell me if they really strongly felt like this and if it was ok when second came along!

casio123 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:28:43

Maybe get a dog first

PickleSarnie Thu 05-Oct-17 21:29:10

I'm sure everyone feels that.

But love isn't finite. You'll have plenty to go around.

ItsTrueIsntIt Thu 05-Oct-17 21:29:42

We have a dog and 2 fish 😂

BelleandBeast Thu 05-Oct-17 21:30:43

Everybody I know felt like this....the love you have expands for two.

It's bloody marvellous. smile Do it.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:31:15

I totally felt this way when I was pregnant with my second child. I couldn't fathom how I could possibly love another child as much as my first. But I certainly do, and since the second she was born, I never had that thought again.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 05-Oct-17 21:31:24

My DM worried about this when she was pregnant with my brother. Her friend told her your heart gets bigger and love isn't finite. My brother was a nightmare after me being a very easy baby. But they loved him just as much as me, and went on to have two more children. All 4 of us are close and loved equally by our parents.

Rockandrollwithit Thu 05-Oct-17 21:31:31

I have two DSs, aged 3 and one month. It sounds really cheesy but somehow your heart just grows bigger so that you have enough love for both of them.

For me so far, the bigger issue has been guilt over spending less time with DS1.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic Thu 05-Oct-17 21:31:50

Each child is an individual. You love them for the person they are.

SandunesAndRainclouds Thu 05-Oct-17 21:32:13

I had a huge panic while pregnant with DD2 that I couldn't love another child. I'd been told that I was infertile, DD1 was a natural conception and I was head over heels in love and besotted with her - I didn't know if there was enough. I loved her before she was born.

DD2 was born a little early which took me by surprise. I hadn't had much maternity leave and with working FT with a toddler so the pregnancy passed by in a flash. I felt myself falling in love with her over the first three days and it was a wonderful feeling.

I have 4 DDs now and there's plenty of love for them all.

ItsTrueIsntIt Thu 05-Oct-17 21:33:44

The worries I had were because both my grandma and Mum had favourites (they didn’t actively try to show it but it still did show)

And we had the dog before DC came along and I adored the dog before but now I just don’t feel anywhere near as much for her as I did - I know she’s a dog and it’s NOT the same but that’s just something that worried me.

Stressalot42 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:33:46

You’re love does not halve, it doubles! I had your doubts and I felt instantly as much love for number two as I had number one!

Do it, enjoy it, love it!


KC225 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:34:22

Mother of twins here, there is always enough love

highinthesky Thu 05-Oct-17 21:36:09

Feelings take no notice of logic. You’ll love the second just as much as your first-born, but without the traum of learning on the way.

zippyswife Thu 05-Oct-17 21:37:56

Do it! I felt the same and I love the 3 dcs equally!

Captainj1 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:38:40

Agree with all of the above. I have a 4.5 yr age gap between my two and it is great - had the preschool years to focus on firstborn and then as he started school, DD arrived, so didn’t have to feel too guilty about not having as much time for the elder one as he was at school anyway.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Thu 05-Oct-17 21:39:00

I completely understand this feeling.

Especially as my own mother made no attempt to hide the fact that she had a favourite child (she had 4).

However, we ended up having 3 & I can absolutely confirm that you will love each & every one utterly & completely. All three of mine are incredibly different individuals and are all fabulous.

It’s a very normal worry, but not something you should worry about IYSWIM.

missiondecision Thu 05-Oct-17 21:39:32

I have 5 and honestly, honestly do not, never have had a favorite.

lurkingnotlurking Thu 05-Oct-17 21:39:48

You will love them both completely. You do not have to worry about this.

FoxyinherRoxy Thu 05-Oct-17 21:40:14

Another mum of four, all are loved equally. I do have a different relationship with each of them, because they are individuals. To them it might appear better or worse, but that’s a lot to do with where they’re at at that very point in time (ie DS2 is 14 and doesn’t ‘need’ me much at the moment, DS1 is 16 and has different emotional needs as he goes out into the world more etc etc) sometimes I get accused of favouritism because I haven’t caught up with who needs what emotionally. It’s a sign that they need more at that point IYSWIM.

But they are each loved beyond imaginable limits. And they know it.

MattAffleck Thu 05-Oct-17 21:41:20

Yes. I worried when I was pregnant with DC2 that I’d never possibly have as much love for them as I did PFB. I now have two PFBs. Love grows

crisscrosscranky Thu 05-Oct-17 21:41:49

My brother is a little shit challenge and I always thought that my mum and dad probably loved me a bit more.

It took me having my DD2 to realise that you really do love your children equally despite their differences,age gaps or anything else.

I still think my mum LIKES me more

MummyPenguin2 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:42:28

As my mum says, the baby brings love. If you love your first, you will love a second. Off course you can't imagine that because you don't know baby number 2 yet. I have a 3 year old and a baby and I love them both with all my heart

IAmNotAWitch Thu 05-Oct-17 21:43:28

I felt that way and then DS2 was born and I loved him just the same.

My favourite changes from day to day. Currently it is my good friends son who complemented my cooking on the weekend. Occasionally it is the cat.

TwitterQueen1 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:43:51

As others have said, love is not limited. Your heart and love expand to accordingly. Love is limitless. In fact I believe it expands you as a person too because you discover new depths, new ways to love people, new characteristics, a new personality. Don't fear love OP.

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