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To refuse to let their dog stay at Christmas

(122 Posts)
HoHoN0 Thu 05-Oct-17 20:24:51

Firstly sorry for mentioning Christmas so early and sorry for the long post! We had been hoping for a fairly low key Christmas this year after having a very stressful year. Rather than offering to do Christmas (as we usually do) we thought we would play things by ear and see what family were doing. So far so good.

Earlier this week I found out that apparently sil has decided that she, her partner, son and dog will be arriving the day before Christmas Eve. Mil and her partner will arrive the next day and they will all stay until Boxing Day, we don't live close so sleeping over is the only option. We weren't asked about this, or if it would be ok.

Now, although I am really pissed off that no one thought it appropriate to ask me, I am prepared to have 5 guests for Christmas and cook for them all even though it means cooking traditional and veggie meals. We have two dogs (pretty well behaved if a little boisterous) but their dog is badly trained and can't be left alone with our two. I have said to dh that I don't want their dog to come as it will be hectic enough with 7 of us (including an excited 8 year old and an unstable elderly man with altzheimers). Dh has asked mil to suggest the dog does not come but doesn't seem confident. Sil is used to getting her own way and overreacts so mil and dh are wary of annoying her. She has been incredibly rude to dh in the past and she hasn't exactly been grateful when they have stayed with us in the past. Am I being unreasonable to insist that the dog can't stay?

existentialmoment Thu 05-Oct-17 20:26:05

Why not just tell them that none of them can stay, since they haven't been invited?

londonrach Thu 05-Oct-17 20:26:33

Phone up and tell them no dog

Ummmmgogo Thu 05-Oct-17 20:27:07

yes yabu there are already 2 dogs in the house a third won't make much difference. ywnbu to say that none of them are welcome though!

londonrach Thu 05-Oct-17 20:27:25

And if you dont want any staying...send list of hotels, travelldge etc

Redredredrose Thu 05-Oct-17 20:27:46

Oh my God, tell them you're going away for Christmas, and none of them can come to stay! Cheeky buggers!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius Thu 05-Oct-17 20:29:02

Frankly, you would not be u reasonable to say that, as you weren't even consulted about this plan, none of them can come.

If you are happy to host, you should allocate some of the dishes/prep to other people - ie someone can bring a dessert, someone else can make the vegetarian main course, and you do the turkey - with help from everyone else, peeling potatoes and sprouts, washing up etc!

And YANBU to say 'No' to the dog. I am a dog lover, and wouldn't be happy with the set up you are describing.

MummaDeeDee Thu 05-Oct-17 20:30:26

YANBU. Pets are a nightmare if they don't mix and the fact that you've agreed to put her up and feed her and her partner over Christmas is more than kind. Either you or your hubby need to tell her that the dog can't come.

Whisky2014 Thu 05-Oct-17 20:32:44

Meh what's q dog in amongst all that. You either accept that they come which means the dog too OR you tell them not to be so rude and then can all uninvited themselves.
And yes, I know what's it's like keeping dogs seperate...not that difficult.

Ellendegeneres Thu 05-Oct-17 20:33:16

A third would make a difference! What the hell did you read um ??

AnathemaPulsifer Thu 05-Oct-17 20:35:10

If you usually host it would have been better to say upfront that you wouldn't be this year, but bit late now.

YANBU to say no to the dog if it causes problems with your dogs.

Whisky2014 Thu 05-Oct-17 20:35:21

The fact youre posting means you know it's unlikely they will come without the dog. So that means you feel it would be perceuved that you are ruinung xmas because you dont want the dog.
So make the decision, dog ir not. And if it's not then you need to get over the guilt if they don't come (even though you shouldn't feel guilty). In my opinion.

Heifer Thu 05-Oct-17 20:35:21

There is no way I would allow another dog into my house. My own dog would hate it I'm sure - Well I'm not actually sure tbh as I can't ask her but why take the chance. It's her house too.
I can't believe people would just assume they are coming to yours without an invite!

FuzzyCustard Thu 05-Oct-17 20:36:23

I'd rather have the dog than the family. Tell them all they can't come. SIL gets upset? Well, maybe she won't ask again.

AnathemaPulsifer Thu 05-Oct-17 20:36:30

You need to be clear with SIL though, not hint around with MIL.

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 05-Oct-17 20:37:00

Could you send a text saying something like, "Sorry, SIL, we're having a quiet Christmas this year. I've done every year for the last X years and want a break this year. Perhaps MIL could come to you for a change?"

Then stand back and wait for the explosion!

PandorasXbox Thu 05-Oct-17 20:37:00

Only on MN would a load of relatives just decide they were spending Christmas at another family members house!

In what world would anyone just agree to that? Tell them no!

Heifer Thu 05-Oct-17 20:37:06

Wanted to add that I also wouldn't dream of taking my dog to someone elses house for Christmas either - My family either have dogs of their own or cats so I it's a no no. Dog into Kennels or we stay home.

BluePheasant Thu 05-Oct-17 20:40:14

I would tell them you aren’t hosting this year as you want a year off from it. Purely because they had the nerve to invite themselves.

LagunaBubbles Thu 05-Oct-17 20:41:16

So what if SIL gets upset? It's your house, why would you even consider this. People like your SIL get away with all sorts of outrageous behaviour because others let them.

HoHoN0 Thu 05-Oct-17 20:41:41

Although I'm tempted to hide (or tell them all to bugger off) I have said to dh that they can come. I prefer to keep the cooking and prep to me and dh as the others are terrible cooks - one of the reasons we usually offer to host is so we know the food will be good!

I love dogs Ummmmgogo but their dog is badly behaved, can't be left In a room with food as he will climb on the surface to get it. He gets over excited and winds our two dogs up so I am always worried that someone is going to get knocked over. The extra dog just makes an already stressful situation worse.

PandorasXbox Thu 05-Oct-17 20:43:10

Definitely say no to the dog. It’ll be hectic enough without another dog causing havoc.

Whisky2014 Thu 05-Oct-17 20:44:22

So put the dog in a guest room and give him a pigs ear. Seriously, not that hard.

Tartyflette Thu 05-Oct-17 20:44:45

This may belong on the CF thread.....

Whisky2014 Thu 05-Oct-17 20:44:48

What kind of dog is it btw?

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