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To feel more upset about the loss of DD's snuggly than she does?

(15 Posts)
EmilyReallyKnowsHerStuff Thu 05-Oct-17 00:35:10

Yeah it's pathetic.

Like many kids, my DD (aged 2.5) has a wee snuggly rag that she takes everywhere with her. Would rub her nose with it when she got tired. It was manky and smelly. Washed regularly but never seemed to lose it's rather gross appearance and odour. You know the type of thing I mean.

To cut a long story short, DD took it to nursery and lost it. They can't find it anywhere. Suspect it's been put in the wrong bag.

This rag has been lost many times before. But we have always found it with a bit of effort e.g. Ten laps of shopping centres etc. But it might really be gone this time.

DD is handling the loss fairly well. Surprisingly well. I have been distracting her when she looks for it and I've told her it's having a sleepover at the nursery. She has her moments but she's ok.

I feel utterly bereft!! This thing has practically become part of our family. She was so reliant on it. I just feel really sad about it and I can't put my finger on why. I think I wanted to keep it when she outgrew it, I dunno. Or maybe it's just the end of an era.

charlestonchaplin Thu 05-Oct-17 05:27:06

Frankly, I don't understand why anyone would encourage a child to be attached to any sort of inanimate object, whether a blanky, snugly or dummy, but I guess some things are just cultural.

Threenme Thu 05-Oct-17 05:31:51

Completely agree with Charles I'm afraid op! Not only are they often gross the pressure on some families whose kids are truely attatched must be hellish! I also truth be told think it looks ridiculous to have a 4 yo dragging a dirty rag around the park! You may find it a blessing in disguise in the end!

Handsoffmysweets Thu 05-Oct-17 05:38:36

Some very mean people on here OP! I totally get why you feel sad about it. Your DD snugly is a little piece of her babyhood. I really hope you find it.

MrsPringles Thu 05-Oct-17 05:50:19

I get it OP, DS has something he's super attached to and he lost it on Brighton sea front. Cue me running back the length of the sea front searching for it.

Found the bloody thing and it doesn't leave the house anymore confused

I used to get all sorts sent home in DS's nursery bag and would always send it back. Hopefully whoever has it will return it to the nursery, fingers crossed!

Me264 Thu 05-Oct-17 07:26:52

DS has a bunny he is hugely attached to. Why wouldn’t you want to encourage it? It brings him comfort! Especially at nursery if he gets upset etc and I’m not there.

We have two bunnies for this sort of eventuality (and so I can swap them out for washing regularly!) but I guess it’s too late for that OP sad I totally get why you’re sad about it!

5rivers7hills Thu 05-Oct-17 07:28:34

Oh it’s so difficult when they take their attachment items out of the house!

Mine only left if we were sleeping over somewhere. Otherwise far too many opportunities for them to get lost :-(

MrsPringles Thu 05-Oct-17 08:23:43

DS favourite thing (and the thing that went missing at Brighton) is my old tshirt aka 'label' this is a ONE OFF and will not be replaceable. Ever. So that's on house arrest now.

He also has a blue bear that he's extremely fond off, just a little soft pale blue teddy from mothercare. We have FOUR of those incase we ever lose one so they can continue to be let out on day release grin

tippz Thu 05-Oct-17 08:38:08

There is nothing 'CULTURAL' about kids being attached to things/toys/blankets etc, what a daft thing to say!

Of COURSE YANBU to be upset that your daughter has lost something precious to her. Maybe buy something identical real quick and pretend it never happened?!!!

kaytee87 Thu 05-Oct-17 08:41:46

It's healthy for a child to have a 'lovey' it shows they're properly attached to their parents and have transferred some of that love onto an object. It can help them settle if they Wake at night, feel more comfortable at nursery etc.
There's nothing cultural about it, it happens all over the world and would happen whether parents encouraged it or not.

Op i understand, you feel like you've lost a bit of her babyhood.

FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty Thu 05-Oct-17 09:20:02

My DS lost his special bear when he was out with MIL once. We never let it out of the house with him, but she is a softy and let him take it out with her and then left it there angry I was utterly bereft as it had been given to him by someone very special to me who had since died, and was named after her. It was like the last little bit of her was lost. sad

I think it also becomes such a familiar part of your little one when you see them with it every night, see them loving and cuddling it and knowing how much they love it, so if you have any empathy at all, you can't help but be upset by their loss. flowers

Stompythedinosaur Thu 05-Oct-17 09:29:14

In psychology terms it's a transitional object, and totally normal and appropriate. Don't know why people are being so negative and judgy!

Op, I would feel the same as you. Can you ask the nursery to ask other parents if its ended up in their bag? Or put up a lost sign?

PandorasXbox Thu 05-Oct-17 09:35:11

I get it OP. It’s part of them, their childhood. Something to keep when they’ve grown up. I always bought two of whatever they were attached to just in case they lost one. Hope it turns up.

Have you put in on FB with a photo?

Sallylondon Thu 05-Oct-17 09:36:18

You feel like you’ve lost a little part of their babyhood. My DS dropped his special beanie animal, given to him at 2 months old, on the way to school in early weeks of Reception. Didn’t realise til that night; sent DH to scour streets but no joy. Next day I postered and leafletted and we did, about three days later, have it returned. I was as overjoyed as my DS. Since then, it’s not left the house without a collar I made from a piece of ribbon, clearly marked with my mobile number. I don’t know why more people don’t do this... it’s so simple and so obvious.

charlestonchaplin Thu 05-Oct-17 09:50:35

My experience is that African children don't tend to form these intense attachments to particular objects in anything like the same numbers as British children. There may be a universal background tendency to attachment, I don't know, but it isn't indulged and encouraged like it it is here, where it seems to take on a life of its own.

A little googling suggests that some scholars, at least, say it isn't universal. It is predominantly a Western phenomen, hypothesised to be related to sleeping and child-rearing practices. See 'Why children become so attached to toys and comfort blankets' by Steven Morris in the Guardian and 'Attachment to inanimate objects' by Keren Fortuna.

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