To think this was odd?(11 Posts)
I fell out with my brother a few months back, my mum took his side (long story) anyway we haven't spoken in a few months, I last saw her in July when I was waiting for a bus she happened to be walking past and handed me some sandals that she bought my daughter and said "oh lucky I saw you I got S these" I said thanks and she walked off. Anyway today I was in the shop and after I finished paying I turned round and saw my mum and she literally RAN out the shop. No exaggeration. It was so odd and my children were very confused! Aibu in thinking this was seriously odd behaviour?
Without knowing why, I don’t know if it was odd if that makes sense. Was she avoiding a scene? Or worried about upsetting your kids?
Yes. If she had seen you before and acted like nothing was wrong and then to run out the shop. But then again you might be reading into things. She may have been in a hurry.
We spoke after the falling out, so can't see what scene there would have been like I said a little while after the fall out she approached me at the bus stop, I didn't shout at her in not like that and she knows it. Just found it strange.
I didn’t mean to imply there would have been a scene, sorry. I just couldn’t work out why she’d run out of the shop. Are you sure she saw you and wasn’t just in a hurry?
Well she sort of walked in the door got half way in the shop and ran back out
People who have stopped contact due to a falling-out have a tendancy to reinforce their belief in the reasons why they fell out in the first place. They become more sure of their position and become more sure of the intentions / motives of the person they fell out with.
Without speaking to her you don't know why she ran away like this, but perhaps she has built up "the problem" in her head so that it is much more serious than you consider it to be, and was worried about a confrontation with you. Maybe she was afraid of you, maybe she was afraid of what she might say. It doesn't automatically mean there was any legitimate reason for her to fear you in this way, but her perception might seem real to her, especially if she has mulled over "the problem" and increasingly sees it in a one-sided manner.
It could equally be that she feels guilty that she sided against you, and the sight of you today overwhelmed her with guilt. People who know they are wrong but don't know how to deal with it sometimes do "odd" things like this - it's easier to run away than have an adult discussion.
People do act strangely like this though. I saw an old friend who I hadn't spoken to in a while in the supermarket once - she caught my eye, put down her basket and literally ran out of the shop. I genuinely don't know why, we hadn't had any kind of falling out (that I was aware of) - we'd just fallen out of touch.
My only advice is to keep the door open to restoring communication with her. You can't force her to communicate with you, but you can be receptive to it whenever she eventually decides that she's an adult and it's time for her to get over this.
Have you been in touch with her since the bus stop?
If you live fairly close and you haven't been in touch, perhaps she feels estranged?
It's probably a good opportunity to mend bridges, if that's what you want.
Yeh we live local but I haven't seen her around since then and havent spoken to her since the bus stop. I have no intentions of speaking to her again but I just don't want her to feel bothered by me if you know what I mean? Like she's allowed to shop I wouldn't have stopped her.
But she has her own feelings. We don't know what they are. Maybe she doesn't feel happy around you so left the shop to avoid more hurt, or she was afraid that speaking in front of the children might cause stress. Only she knows. As you're planning to continue a no contact relationship with your mother, you'll never know either.
Out of interest, was she a 'bad' mum before you fell out with your brother? That is, was this a long time coming? Or are you dropping contact due only to the argument with your brother?
I had a wonderful mum and she passed away recently. I ask because if you do love your mum, and think you'll miss her in the future, then you need to fix this. Perhaps a family counselling session. Being stubbon gets you nothing and nowhere.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now »
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.