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AIBU?

Dh has been referred for counselling

68 replies

florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 16:21

However, aibu to think this isn't going to help him as he doesn't trust the counsellor? It seems it is a tick box exercise.

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Mulch · 04/10/2017 16:27

If he's not open minded to it I doubt it. However still worth a go? He might get something out of it.

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 16:29

Hope so, it is linked to work and he says he isn't going to tell the counsellor anything!

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Sirzy · 04/10/2017 16:29

Has he actually met/spoken to them?

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Sirzy · 04/10/2017 16:30

May be better seeking out someone not linked to work then? (Not that it would be an issue due to confidentiality rules)

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 16:31

He met them this morning.

Work have referred him (and are paying!)

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AliceTown · 04/10/2017 16:34

Has he been referred because he wants to see a counsellor or because someone has told him he needs to go for some reason?

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 16:35

They have told him he needs to go. Seems pointless if he won't engage, though.

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Loopytiles · 04/10/2017 16:37

What is his concern, confidentiality? Is it an external, professional counsellor? If so they should clearly explain their confidentiality arrangements and will not, except in specific circumstances, divulge what he says.

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HattiesBackpack · 04/10/2017 16:38

Give him time, he may surprise you after a few sessions.

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 16:39

Hope so hattie, he has a lot to work through.

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 16:39

And yes, he is convinced work will hear of everything.

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Theworldisfullofidiots · 04/10/2017 16:43

I'm a coach not a counsellor. I get paid by organisations, yet I don't tell them anything. The counsellor will have to abide by a code of conduct.

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PerspicaciaTick · 04/10/2017 16:50

Couldn't he ask the counsellor for a copy of their code of conduct?
Or do you think his distrust might be a symptom of his MH issues?

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AliceTown · 04/10/2017 16:52

Why do they think he needs to go? If a client isn’t ready for counselling, it’s much less likely to succeed. Counselling isn’t something that is done to you, you have to be willing to engage. Is there more to this story?

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ChicRock · 04/10/2017 16:52

Wow, I think your DH has a good employer there and is him, your DH, that is treating it as a box ticking exercise.

What a shame that those resources are so wasted on him, when there are people waiting months on waiting lists for counselling.

If he's going to continue with his current attitude he should at least tell his employer he is not going any more, so that they don't waste any more money on him.

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AliceTown · 04/10/2017 16:54

That’s not helpful ChicRock. You have no idea why the OPs husband isn’t ready.

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ChicRock · 04/10/2017 16:56

That's my point Alice, if he's not ready or willing to engage then it's wasted on him, and he should make his employer aware of that.

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 16:57

Policy I think?

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PetitFilous123 · 04/10/2017 17:00

it could be that once he gets there he finds himself talking without meaning too. That was my experience after I was sent by work to a grief counsellor. I just though I'll show up and endure the mandatory sessions and then get back to work, but once I was in I found myself talking without really thinking about it. Good luck to your H OP

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 17:03

I really hope so. It is a woman; feel he would respond better to a man.

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guilty100 · 04/10/2017 17:06

The trust issue is a huge deal. I think I'd be tempted to contact the counselling service and just say that he believes that his employer will hear about everything he says. Perhaps the counsellor can then work to reassure him that it is all strictly confidential.

It may be that, as others have said, it will help him in the longer term if he can just bring himself to open up a little. Virtually no-one fully trusts their counsellor on the first session.

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 17:16

It is. He has to be honest, but if he can't be then it is difficult.

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AliceTown · 04/10/2017 17:18

Having a counsellor who recognises he’s not ready and supports him with that can be very empowering, even if it means the therapy cannot continue. It’s not appropriate for his work to compel him to go if he doesn’t want to.

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TheLuminaries · 04/10/2017 17:21

No one can be made to engage in counselling, and nor should they. There is actually very little evidence base for the efficacy of counselling, it is a bit snake oil. His work obviously want to tick a box, but he is fully entitled to say no.

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florentinasummertime · 04/10/2017 17:21

I think he plans on telling the counsellour what work want to hear?

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