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Neighbour complaining about children

(55 Posts)
thiswayorthat Wed 04-Oct-17 14:02:17

Sorry this is so long . My landlord has received a 4 page letter of complaint from my neighbour saying that my 3 children are 'running amok between the hours of 3-6pm' and deliberately antagonising her autistic adult son by screaming when he bangs on our walls .

Until today I wasn't even aware she had a son but did wonder why there was often loud bangs on the wall , including during the night. It's never been often enough for me to consider complaining about , usually once / twice a week . My children do get frightened and cry when it happens sometimes but now I know why it happens I'll be able to explain to the children . They're definitely not trying to upset anyone by crying , they're just startled and my 6 year old has sensory issues so it scares her .
She's also saying that between 3-6pm the children are making a noise that upsets her son . They're not unruly kids , they come home from school and have tea , do their homework , bath and bed by 7pm at the latest . They're never in the garden unless I'm also out and they're not allowed to play upstairs unless I'm also upstairs because I worry ,probably irrationally ,about furniture being pulled on top of them .

We've lived here for over two years and have never had any complaints before and I really wouldn't want any bad feeling between me and the neighbour (I've only seen her a few times when our post has been mixed up and I've returned her letters) . My landlord has said that even if they were being noisy there's nothing she can do about it anyway because it's not during the night or early morning . So the landlord isn't taking it further . My main concern is I'm due a baby next year and won't want her complaining if she can hear it crying .

Would IBU to pop a card through the door apologising for any noise my kids may have made but stating that it's just general household noise that is to be expected with young children and whilst I don't want to cause any distress to her son , I can't make my kids be silent . I'd also like to mention that the banging on the walls is upsetting to my young children and she can't expect them to not retaliate . I would also put my mobile number on and say she's welcome to either call or text or come round with any issues she might have in future .

B1rdinthebush Wed 04-Oct-17 14:08:13

I wouldn't apologise for anything to be honest. It's nuts that's she written a letter to your landlord but not so much as mentioned it to you to try and resolve it first. If it was me I would just ignore it, you're not making unreasonable amounts of noise and by apologising you are ultimately admitting that you're at fault. Which gives her plenty of ammunition for the future.

People are bonkers.

Finola1step Wed 04-Oct-17 14:10:34

Don't apologise unless you and yours have done something to apologise for.

FeckTheMagicDragon Wed 04-Oct-17 14:13:11

Here's an alternative suggestion - why not call round, be friendly and explain about the kids reacting to the banging and ask would it help if her son were to meet yours. Possibly one at a time? That way it wouldn't be strangers making noises on each side of the wall.

thiswayorthat Wed 04-Oct-17 14:13:24

We really haven't . I would understand if they were particularly noisy kids but they aren't . My 6 year old wouldn't be able to deal with a huge level of noise in the house . I forgot to add in my original post that she's also accusing us of slamming doors at all hours but we have safety gates on the doors so they need to be shut carefully not slammed and I'm always in bed by 10 . She hasn't mentioned any of this to me even once . I really just want it all cleared up because it's awful to think we've upset her or her son but at the same time it's awful to be accused of something we haven't done .

Travis1 Wed 04-Oct-17 14:14:10

I wouldn't even acknowledge it to be honest.

Allthebestnamesareused Wed 04-Oct-17 14:15:56

I wouldn't apologise either.

The landlord has recognised her letter for what it is. Unreasonable!

Children making usual household noise (even if they were) between 3pm and 6pm would never be considered a nuisance in legal terms.

volovont Wed 04-Oct-17 14:18:05

Your neighbour is being an arsehole

plantsitter Wed 04-Oct-17 14:18:21

I wouldn't acknowledge it either. If she wants a response from you she can talk to you herself, which she should've done in the first place.

Kid noise between 3-6pm? She can stuff it anyway!!

PersianCatLady Wed 04-Oct-17 14:19:15

Please don't give her your phone number.

plantsitter Wed 04-Oct-17 14:19:16

PS you should take all the replies on this thread as permission to feel ANNOYED at her instead of guilty for doing nothing wrong, just existing!

PoisonousSmurf Wed 04-Oct-17 14:20:35

Don't ever apologise for living in your own home. You are doing nothing wrong. They can stuff it! And if that 'son' is fed up of the noise, he should move to the other side of the house!
Congratulations on the baby by the way smile

Ttbb Wed 04-Oct-17 14:21:12

Don't give her your number, it will just result in harassment. You can put through a card saying that you were unaware of her son'sco dition/ existence and that you have explained to the children what the noise is so they shouldn't be terrified anymore-that's why they were scream btw but one of them has sensory issues so is particularly sensitive to the noise. Maybe include a card for a local sound proofing business.

thiswayorthat Wed 04-Oct-17 14:21:54

Poisonous we actually moved our kids to the other side of the house about 6 months after we moved in because of the banging in the night . So now my bedroom is against her side and the kids are on the other side .

FakePlasticTeaLeaves Wed 04-Oct-17 14:23:34

She being unreasonable writing to your landlord, you don't need to say sorry to her. You can explain to your kids about the banging, but apart from that I wouldn't action anything. She should really come and see you if she has an issue, very sneaky to write to the landlord.

HornyTortoise Wed 04-Oct-17 14:27:22

I would probably be an arsehole back tbh and complain about her son banging on the wall in the first place. Its ridiculous that shes moaning about your kids reacting to something her kid shouldn't even be doing!

PersianCatLady Wed 04-Oct-17 14:28:44

Don't do anything now especially not reply to her.

thiswayorthat Wed 04-Oct-17 14:29:50

Thanks , I think I'll go with a card and no phone number then !
My family suggested complaining back about her son but I don't want to go down that route because a) if he's an adult and autistic she probably can't physically stop him b) it's only once / twice a week and not enough of a disruption to get into a big dispute over and c) she owns her house so I'm not sure who I could even complain to !

plantsitter Wed 04-Oct-17 14:32:37

I think she has shown herself as horrid by complaining to your landlord and not having a chat with you.

I would not engage. I really wouldn't.

KickAssAngel Wed 04-Oct-17 14:34:35

what about a note that says as you BOTH have children with sensory issues, you hope you can both be understanding?

Bettyboop12 Wed 04-Oct-17 14:35:23

She's at fault not you. She sounds like she has to much time on her hands to be honest. You've got nothing to worry about. Just ignore her.

PersianCatLady Wed 04-Oct-17 14:35:30

Please don't reply, don't engage.

KinkyAfro Wed 04-Oct-17 14:35:33

Just ignore, you're doing nothing wrong

krustykittens Wed 04-Oct-17 14:38:50

Ignore it and don't give her your phone number or any way of contacting you. If you happen to bump into each other in the street, then try and initiate a reasonable discussion. But there is no universe where I would go out of my way to apologise for or excuse my family's existence in our own home.

astoundedgoat Wed 04-Oct-17 14:39:21

Ignore. We have a "difficult" neighbour who kicked off the day we moved in (there was a long post at the time, that Mumsnet HQ kindly removed for me in case it came back to bite me on the bum). Since we moved in, he hasn't been able to make any legit complaints about the children, because they're pretty quiet, so has been forced to content himself with complaining about our dishwasher (which predates us by about 8 years) making its usual swooshy noises too loudly, apparently, God love him.

It's best not to get into a dialogue. You are not dealing with a rational person, and it is beter to keep it between your landlord and your neighbour and not get involved - a significant advantage of being a tenant, right?

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