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AIBU?

New relationship & childish behaviour

100 replies

lottieandmia · 04/10/2017 09:32

I've been seeing someone for about 2 months and he seemed really nice but he has a habit that irritates me and I'm not sure if I should try to ignore it given that he seems to be a generally good person wrt respecting boundaries. I've noticed that if I'm taking about a programme I've watched he'll say for example that one of the female characters looks hot naked. He also sent me a text when Hugh Hefner died asking me if 'we' should spend the day looking at naked women in his honour(!) this irritated me on many levels, not least because I think Hugh Hefner was a vile creature who had no respect for women.

This is the kind of behaviour I would expect from a 15 year old, not a man in his 30s. Why is he making these comments to me? What does he expect me to reply? And it's not a one off - he does it a lot.

I am not sure whether I can put up with this behaviour because it makes me cringe. Should I end it based on a relatively minor thing like this? I get turned off people by little things and particularly by cringeworthy behaviour. And as I get older I become increasingly intolerant!

OP posts:

Report

Nanny0gg · 04/10/2017 09:34

It's not minor, it's pathetic.

Keep your standards where they are, and ditch those that fall that far beneath them!

Handsfull13 · 04/10/2017 09:35

Have you told him you don't like it?
If you are considering breaking up with him over it then you have nothing to loose if he says he won't change.

blackteasplease · 04/10/2017 09:35

I don't think it's minor. It shows his lack of respect for women. It may also be a form of testing you out to see what else you will put up with and not speak out. In short it's a way of saying "I won't moderate my behaviour for you, you must fit in with me".

mygorgeousmilo · 04/10/2017 09:39

I wouldn't have dated a guy like this even in my late teens or early twenties. Scrap this now and move on. He sounds like an absolute dick. Imagine further down the road, giving birth to his child and being reliant on him to not only be a mature adult, but to also not objectify you or shred your self-esteem. It's only been two months, nip this shit in the bud.

Anecdoche · 04/10/2017 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flippinada · 04/10/2017 09:42

If you are looking for permission to get rid (not that you need it I might add) then you have it. He sounds awful. Creepy, irritating and childish.

highinthesky · 04/10/2017 09:43

It’s not minor, it’s a bloody great big red flag and you know it. Listen to your instinct fhs.

AdalindSchade · 04/10/2017 09:43

Why would you even try to put up with this?

SaucyJack · 04/10/2017 09:44

I think he's trying to get you to look at nudey pics because it turns him on. Maybe it's something him and and ex used to do together?

Have you made your feelings on the porn industry crystal clear?

Maybe you're just not compatible. It's not that minor.

Maddiemademe · 04/10/2017 09:46

I dated someone like this when I was 28. I was struggling with self esteem/boundaries after coming out of a 7 year abusive relationship.

Looking back now I am so angry I didn't call him out on the disrespectful behaviour he was showing me. What kind of man, particularly at the beginning when they are meant to be showing you their best side, talks to a women they are supppsed to be interested in that way?!?

Personally I would dump now, they very rarely change if it all. As the famous saying goes: he is telling you who he really is, believe him.

There are a lot of good men out there, you don't have to settle for this sort of crap.

Maddiemademe · 04/10/2017 09:48

(And I actually work in the adult industry - including the infamous Playboy and I still won't put up with an iota of this nonsense. Unless you have indicated you are happy with this, which obviously you are not.)

DJBaggySmalls · 04/10/2017 09:49

Its not minor, he's into porn, he is not a fixer upper. Do yourself a favour and run.

Bananalanacake · 04/10/2017 09:49

I had a very immature bf when I was 22, he was over 10 years older. He made comments about women's bodies and had the biggest collection of porn, ever, drawers full of videos and piles of magazines. Thank god he dumped me when his best friend told him I wasn't good enough for him.

lottieandmia · 04/10/2017 09:49

He mentioned to me that his ex had a pillow with 'Channing Tatum's wife' on it. And when he describes the relationship dynamic it does sound quite childish - ie she didn't speak to him for hours because he pretended to steal her nose

That has worried me that he could be trying to get me involved. I was trying to work out why on earth he would say this stuff to me.

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lottieandmia · 04/10/2017 09:52

The nude women comments are wrt Game of Thrones, which is a favourite TV show of mine. If you've watched it you'll know there isn't one female character who doesn't have to do full frontal nudity at some point. But obviously I don't watch it for that.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 04/10/2017 09:53

You don't 'alf pick 'em

lottieandmia · 04/10/2017 09:56

Well to be fair AF - this side of him has only recently come out. Before that he didn't say or do anything dodgy. Didn't even mention sex for a really long time.

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lottieandmia · 04/10/2017 10:02

I have said to him that I find it annoying & grown ups don't behave this way.

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littlebird7 · 04/10/2017 10:03

There is no way I would be staying with him, surely comments like that will make your skin crawl. I would also telling him the reason why you are finishing the relationship so he can avoid making the same mistake with his next gf.

You can do much better.

Kind of feel sorry for the next gf don't you! Yuk.

lottieandmia · 04/10/2017 10:11

It does make my skin crawl. It just puts me off him. Ok I'm going to end it. I prefer to be alone than with someone who gets on my nerves.

OP posts:

Mittens1969 · 04/10/2017 10:12

No way would I want to be with a man like that. Such disrespect to women, yuk! You clearly don’t like this so there’s no need to put up with it.

shushpenfold · 04/10/2017 10:14

I don't classify that as childish behaviour; it's sexist at best. My dh finds farting funny, as does my 17 yo son....it's childish, but harmless and is not irritating to me. If my dh had made remarks such as that early in the relationship it would have been the end. Good decision OP.

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BellaNoche · 04/10/2017 10:15

Ditch......
next please..

paxillin · 04/10/2017 10:15

Agree, dump.

JemimaLovesHamble · 04/10/2017 10:16

I prefer to be alone than with someone who gets on my nerves.

Sensible decision. One of my oldest friends is forever retreating to her room with 'migraines' so that she doesn't have to spend time with her husband. It seems like a waste of a life to me.

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