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AIBU?

to ask why there is so much negativity breastfeeding over 1s?

190 replies

rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 20:03

DS is still breastfed, he is 13 months so it is not often, just on waking, to go to bed and sometimes once in the day for a nap or if feeling poorly.

I didn't aim to breastfeed longterm and my initial goal was to atleast get to 6 months but it just worked for us and it is now a lovely comfort and I also enjoy it, I am the only one left amongst baby group friends but their babies (same age) have formula or cows milk in its place at the same times DS would have a feed. Everytime feeding is raised in conversation one will ask "when will you stop" "Does he still need breastmilk" "he will be too old soon".

I find this odd when it comes from mothers also still giving their babies milk and most give a bottle rather than a cup so they are doing practically the same but I would never dare ask if they are too old for milk or too old for a bottle.

My DM asks me regularly if he still needs to be breastfed and how "unnecessary" it is now and she is convinced it is why he is clingy (I'd say more because it has just been him and I since he was very young -single parent) and says it is bad for his teeth.

I don't understand the negativity, I know its a choice that some may not be comfortable with but if a child has cows or formula milk it isn't questioned its just dropped when the child is ready.

OP posts:

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magpiemischeif · 02/10/2017 20:05

I think there was, in your DM's day. I breastfed till mine was nearly 2. Even though had solid food and could drink from a cup too from earlier (6 months)

magpiemischeif · 02/10/2017 20:06

I don't know about baby group friends. I only took mine to toddlers group from 2.

Zeelove · 02/10/2017 20:06

This has been done to death.

MessyBun247 · 02/10/2017 20:08

I'm still feeding at 20 months. It just isn't the norm in this country. I don't talk about it as most people I know are disapproving and think it's weird. Kind of sad really

rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 20:10

Zeelove you didn't have to read or comment if it bores you.

Messy I feel similar. When it comes up around others I have never had a positive comment, it is always met with a negative comment of some kind or questions about how painful it must be .

OP posts:

Cornettoninja · 02/10/2017 20:10

This has been done to death

Didn't realise all infants had finished feeding. Best tell dd.

magpiemischeif · 02/10/2017 20:11

2 years is still pretty young though. I think it is fine. My brother was 'difficult to wean' and stopped at a similar age.

firsttimemum15 · 02/10/2017 20:12

I can't stop.

Was only gonna do it for 3 months then a yr now almost 20 months.

How did you stop it

magpiemischeif · 02/10/2017 20:12

Oh and if people have to ask it means they don't know. You don't have to discuss it.

Witsender · 02/10/2017 20:13

I never really had any negative comments and #2 was still feeding at 3yrs. My mum asked the odd time when we were planning on stopping because she was worried about my anaemia/thyroid etc.

As they get older they feed less during the day, which is means public opinion becomes less of an issue. It also.means of course that people see it less meaning it appears rarer I guess.

I suppose it depends on your circles, bar a few who FF from early on many continued past 1, which doesn't seem that long now.

magpiemischeif · 02/10/2017 20:13

Well mine cut down to just 1 feed in the morning, when they woke, for the last year. So just distracted them until breakfast.

Nightsleepneeded · 02/10/2017 20:14

'This has been done to death'

Well I must have missed all of it

Sistersofmercy101 · 02/10/2017 20:15

It's ignorance.
Anyone who has researched breastfeeding and natural term weaning would know that all mammals naturally self wean when / before their adult teeth emerge (between 4-7years in human infants) that's why first teeth are called milk teeth. Also nutritionally bm is super full of antibodies which cows milk and formula don't contain, aside from the comfort your child derives! So tell them and their formula marketing addled opinions to jog on!! Your baby, your body, your bf journey - none of their beeswax! :) ps bit biased here I'm a bf mama to a three year old ssshhhh! ;)

rollerbladersrule · 02/10/2017 20:16

magpie I know I dont have to, and I normally just refer to it as "milk" in conversation ie. he has milk in the morning rather than make clear its breastmilk but thats really the point that its sad it is like that in society as it is what our bodies are designed for and it is actually encouraged until atleast 2 by WHO.

OP posts:

QueenAmongstMen · 02/10/2017 20:17

I breast fed DS1 until he was 2.5 years and very, very few people knew as I just couldn't be doing with people's horrified expressions and negative comments.

magpiemischeif · 02/10/2017 20:17

Yes, it is sad. However it is very hard work trying to change everyone's opinion! If it upsets you, don't discuss it. Your decision is a good one, recommended, you don't need to justify it.

AlexsMum89 · 02/10/2017 20:18

Regardless of people's own opinions, why do other people have to be so judgemental and try to make others feel bad? I feel for you op. As if it's not bad enough with everyone giving mums 'advice' without adding something else into the mix.
People need to mind their own business!

PolarBearGoingSomewhere · 02/10/2017 20:21

No one I know cares about DD still being breastfed at 19 months. I rarely do it out of the house because it's a comfort and cuddles, sleepy thing for her so tends to happen at home so perhaps they don't even realise!

What I will say is that my DM bless her often tries to play devil's advocate - so she will say "Babies over a year really don't need breastmilk" almost as if to give me permission to give up if I want to. Could your DM clumsily be trying to do that? Also, rightly or wrongly, other parents sometimes see your choices as passing judgement on their choices, so feel defensive - which can come out as an attack on the thing you're doing.

I'm sure very few people actually care so keep doing what works for you both

Lazyginger · 02/10/2017 20:23

My ds is 6 1/2 months. He is on 3 x solids a day and drinks water from a cup now, but I'm still breastfeeding him. I've got 6 months left on mat leave so I thought if it works for us, then why not stick at it whilst I'm at home.
However, I rarely see other mums breastfeeding when I'm out and about, lots with bottles. I'm not judging ! It's an individual choice.
An older lady came up to me this week though, asked how old my son was (I was feeding him in the gym cafe after we went swimming - swimming makes everyone hungry!) When I said 6 months, she said how it was wonderful to see, and how people make too much of a fuss and it had made her day..... feed until you want to. It's no-one else's business.

Cornettoninja · 02/10/2017 20:23

To actually add to the thread...

My plan was to finish up at six months, dd used to have a bottle of formula once a day with her dad till then till round about the same time she started refusing it, we tried all the brands. GP advised me to try cows milk - nope. So given they need milk till one we carried on.

She's now pushing 2 and still going. Perfectly happy to go without if I'm not there (except bedtime - of course!) or if we're out and about but is showing no signs of naturally stopping yet.

I got really angry about just this, this weekend. I never bring it up because of the reasons you've stated, but generally answer if someone enquires.

Yet another person seems to initiate the subject just to tell me what a weirdo I am and what a brat I'm turning my dd into by not making her stop. Yet again I find myself defending it with the same story above like I'm doing something wrong. Honest to god I never bring it up because it is hard and restrictive for me, but I know every answer I get will be stop instead of just a little commiseration so I don't go asking for it.

Fact is it isn't a choice I thought I would have made or planned for, but recognising how important it is to my dd and not wanting to battle her over it is bloody valid and people should piss off frankly.

Genuinely considering backing off from a couple of long term friendships because of it. I have enough stress/guilt/anxiety over parenting (as everyone does) to embrace being a sitting duck for more smug berating.

mirime · 02/10/2017 20:24

DS stopped at 14 months, just lost interest on his own. No one ever said anything to me before that though.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 02/10/2017 20:25

I felt I had to hide the fact I still breastfed DD at night until she was two due to very negative comments from family members.

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DuggeeHugs · 02/10/2017 20:26

DS is still going at 26 months. I've had a couple of 'rod for your own back' comments, but other than that haven't noticed anything. The medical staff all seem really pleased that he's still feeding. The main thing is DS wants to and he's happy.

Orangebird69 · 02/10/2017 20:40

Ds is still bfing several times a day, and at nap time, and at bedtime. He's 2yo in a few weeks. I didn't intend to bf for this long but it's ok for us. I've never had any negativity about it, more surprise really, followed by a 'well done'. I'd like to stop sometime soon but a)ds doesn't want to and b)ds hates any other form of milk and isn't too keen on many dairy products so I worry about calcium intake etc. It's also a very handy way to get him to STFU when he's having a paddy about something...

CatalpaTree · 02/10/2017 20:44

Two of my friends asked me outright if I was still BF at around 18 months. I didn't volunteer the information, they asked and I wasn't going to lie. I replied that yes, he had a morning and night feed still.

They responded to my face, in my own home that that was disgusting.

Was a horrible experience.

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