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AIBU?

Friend kissed husband/husband kissed friend

166 replies

Fliptopdustbinlid · 02/10/2017 08:02

Not really sure where to start, but here goes, a little bit of background context, we are a group of friends, couples and all have children, been friends for a number of years etc, been with DH for 17 years, married for 8.

All friends are married and have children, all in good relationships.

Went out on Friday nights for dinner and drinks, had a few drinks and then for dinner in a local restaurant, girls sat together and blokes sat together, but my DH ended up sitting next to friend A (ill call her) who then sat opposite friend B.

All was going well and no problems, when all of a sudden- and i dont know how it came about that DH kissed friend A, proper smacker on the lips when friend A's DH went to the toilet, kinda in a laughy-funny way, but then did it again before he got back! All in front of me, although i was right at the end of the table so i am not sure how the conversation went beforehand, or if it was some kind of dare, but that what happened.

After the meal we went for more drinks (and was no way drunk at all) but friend B was a little flirty, nothing much, but a bit flirty. Friend A and her DH ended up going home early, but didnt even say bye to me as a few of us were then up dancing, but she and her DH went home.

We then stayed for a bit longer, but when we left DH then walked up the road holding friend B's hand! not for too long, but still happened.

Once home, i let rip at DH asking what the heck he was playing at, and he said it was nothing and i was taking it all out of context and it was just nothing, and i kiss the blokes sometimes, which is not true at all, apart from kissing to say bye, (which is cheek) not just sat in a restaurant having a meal, id no way just turn to one of them to kiss them! and then walk off holding one of their hands!

He did seem remorseful and i said how would you have felt if id done that!

I ended up sleeping in DS room as they were with their auntie, but i didnt sleep too well, and i have felt rubbish the whole weekend, DH apologised all day on the Sat, i just feel really down about it all.

OP posts:

Report

Fliptopdustbinlid · 02/10/2017 08:03

I dont feel i can talk to anyone in the 'real world' about what happened, as from the outside looking in our relationship if 'perfect' and i wouldnt want anyone to know

OP posts:

Blueberrysandgrapes76 · 02/10/2017 08:06

What's his explanation as for the kiss? The context etc?

I think it's really disrespectful of him tbh

Weren't your other mutual friends shocked?!

StickThatInYourPipe · 02/10/2017 08:07

I have no advice OP (sorry!) but I would be furious! YANBU for being pissed off. I would want to know exactly what the fuck was going on. The kiss bit probably wouldn't be my main issue it would be the hand holding. It just feels somewhat more intimate.

MrTrebus · 02/10/2017 08:25

Wtf kissing and handholding in front of everyone? Massively disrespectful. But by the sounds of it you all act like teenagers so maybe DH just needs some time out from "the big group" to reconnect with you and be "grown up". It's not acceptable but I can see how a massive group of girls vs boys could get out of hand and immature.

littlebird77 · 02/10/2017 08:28

Your other friends probably went home early because of this. It is simply unbelievable that he should do this in front of you, and then later on. I would be very worried what he was doing when I wasn't there.

I am not sure I would be continuing a relationship with a man whom had so little respect for me.

ADayGivingMeHope · 02/10/2017 08:28

Ltb - seriously! He sounds like a massive prick! How disrespectful!

Fliptopdustbinlid · 02/10/2017 08:28

I dont really know the context of it, i need to somehow ask him, but i dont how how to or where to start.

Deep down, i know/think it was nothing, but i just cant shake off how its made me feel.

Its not often we ever go out as a group with out the kids- as we all have them, and now it felt like the night and the weekend was ruined, i didnt say anything while we were out as i didnt want to make a scene :-(

OP posts:

splendidisolation · 02/10/2017 08:28

WTAF?

This is beyond weird tbh.

MammaTJ · 02/10/2017 08:28

He says there is context, but hasn't explained the context? Is that correct?

Blueberrysandgrapes76 · 02/10/2017 08:28

Just ask him...!

MumBod · 02/10/2017 08:29

Jesus H Christ. I cannot begin to describe the wrath that would descend on my DP if he behaved like that in front of me.

I wouldn't wait until he got home either. Dose of salts doesn't even come into it.

I bet he's seen as the creep of the group. Grim. He needs to grow up, asap.

Wontbedoingthatanytimesoon · 02/10/2017 08:30

I don't understand. Did he not explain the context it was apparently in.

I'm probably seen as boring but if my bf kissed another woman or held her hand whilst having this private joke excluding me I would be furious.

What other jokes has he got going on whilst ur not there.

I feel for u op xxx

Appuskidu · 02/10/2017 08:31

Deep down, i know/think it was nothing

That wouldn't be my first thought.

You seem to have your priorities the wrong way round-you are worried that the night out/weekend was ruined which is sortnof missing the point?

I'd be wondering what was going in between them/our marriage/our future?

ADayGivingMeHope · 02/10/2017 08:31

He’s kissed another woman - it’s cheating - simple enough for me.

You need to speak to your DH asap and sort it out / leave him... don’t let it fester!

Teddy7878 · 02/10/2017 08:33

I would go absolutely mental if my DP so much as flirted with a friend. It's totally disrespectful! And your friend sounds like a cow too. You need to ask him outright what specifically happened to make him kiss her on the lips twice and then hold her hand!

SparklyMagpie · 02/10/2017 08:33

How old are you all OP?

I'd be livid

HiJenny35 · 02/10/2017 08:35

You need to change your whole mind set, no relationship is 'perfect' you're a group of friends and you think all of you are in 'good relationships' I guarantee you some of those aren't, some are miserable, some are thinking about separation, people's relationships from outside are very different from inside and maybe if you were more truful in real life you'd realise that and be able to support each other more. I thought my first marriage was perfect, when it fell apart I wanted no one to know, to keep up the facade, it really made things far worse. You need to talk to real life friends and say how upset you were, also a far fuller conversation with your oh.

Namechangetempissue · 02/10/2017 08:35

What an arsehole!!
I would be absolute furious. Are you happy in the marriage? Is everything else ok, has anything happened like this before?

Mxyzptlk · 02/10/2017 08:37

"Okay, you've been apologising all of Saturday. Now tell me the reason for what you did."

Don't let him put you off with rubbish about "context" without telling you what that context is supposed to be.

He's acting defensive and making out you should just accept it. He is in the wrong and he should be explaining to you.

LewisThere · 02/10/2017 08:38

God, I'm very much in the 'you can be very good friend with the opposite sex' brigade but that is a sign of a massive disrespect.
It doesn't matter what the context was (and I suspect he knows that as otherwise he would have explained you what that context was).

I'm wondering how friend A husband reacted to the kiss. I suspect he wasn't that happy at all either if they left early and wo saying good bye....

You need to talk.

bluit · 02/10/2017 08:40

So he kissed one friend twice, and then held another friend's hand.

How strange, is he one of those overly affectionate types after a few drinks?

Believeitornot · 02/10/2017 08:40

Makes me wonder wtf they would do if there were no witnesses.

He is minimising this. You are as well.

Do not.

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LewisThere · 02/10/2017 08:40

Oh and please never ever accept stuff just because you didn't want to create an atmosphere.
The person responsible there is your DH for acting like a teat. Not you if you were raising the issue there and then.
Esp when everyone was there to see how badly he had been acting.

guilty100 · 02/10/2017 08:41

Is this for real? It sounds almost unbelievable. I find it literally hard to believe that a bloke would behave like this right in front of his wife, it's THAT bad.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 02/10/2017 08:42

What the actual fuck? I would be absolutely furious. If it were his predisposition to be flirtatious and you were already aware of that, I could deal with some light flirting but he kissed her! No way would that ever be okay, whatever the context.

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