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AIBU?

Need to find proof

208 replies

Beenconned · 30/09/2017 13:45

I have good reason to suspect my OH is gambling and stealing money from me. I caught him out last year, he had gambled away over £3000 of family money over a 3 month period.

If I ever question him now he always offers me to check his bank account - but I think he's using another means.

I regularly have cash in the house as sometimes customers pay cash and I can't always get straight to the bank.

So many times bits have gone missing, but I put it down to me having spent it and forgotten.

This time I had a big wad which I hadn't touched as it was hidden away. He knew where it was. I went to get it yesterday so I could pay into bank, and £500 was missing.

I asked him if he knew anything about it and he got really upset, said no way, swore on our kids lives (I bloody hate it when he does that).

But there is no other explanation.

I think he's gambling again, but can't prove it. Any ideas on how I could get proof?

If he is that really would be the end between us.

OP posts:

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aaaaargghhhhelpme · 30/09/2017 13:48

Didn't want to read and run. Hopefully someone will have some good advice

But surely if you know £500 has gone missing. No one else could have taken it? Then you already have your proof

Mrskeats · 30/09/2017 13:48

I don't think you need proof-it is enough that you think your husband is capable of stealing from you and has done so in the past surely?

JennyOnAPlate · 30/09/2017 13:51

I can’t help with obtaining proof but you need to make your money impossible to steal. Lock it up and don’t tell him where it is.

I’m sorry op

TwitterQueen1 · 30/09/2017 13:52

Surely you have your proof? You don't just 'misplace' £500. I don't know why you're leaving such large amounts of cash - that he knows about - lying around the house btw. Not blaming you but for someone with a gambling addiction that must be very hard to deal with.

Go through every single bit of paperwork you can find. Check all bank statements. Ring your mortgage provider (if you have one) and check how much is outstanding.

LIZS · 30/09/2017 13:53

You clearly can't and don't trust him. Proof either way won't change that.

BewareOfDragons · 30/09/2017 13:56

For good cause, you obviously can't trust him. And you know he's a liar. So odds are overwhelming that he's lying about this.

I couldn't live under the same roof with a liar with a gambling habit. I hope for your sake and your DCs that you are not legally tied to him (marriage)...

FakePlasticTeaLeaves · 30/09/2017 13:56

Sorry OP, but I feel like this is already proof? Addicts lie, whether it's drugs, gambling, booze. The only way to get ' firm proof' is to film him, but this is quite extreme and will probably cause more arguments....

I would start locking up the money and maybe instead of aiming for proof, think about having a heart-to-heart sit down to ask him if he is OK.

Beenconned · 30/09/2017 13:57

He will never admit it though. That's why I wanted proof.

At the moment he's just saying there's no explanation.

He's trying to make me feel bad for questioning him about it. Says he feels like shit, how can I think it's him, etc. He even started crying.

Is this typical behaviour of someone who's lying?

OP posts:

LIZS · 30/09/2017 13:58

Er yes. He is deflecting blame and playing the "poor me" victim.

youarenotkiddingme · 30/09/2017 13:58

You already have proof. Money has gone missing from your business.

Tell your DH you're calling police about missing money and see what he says?

Beenconned · 30/09/2017 14:01

Yesterday when I confronted him, he said I must have miscounted. He repeatedly asked me if he could count it himself, but I said no because I didn't want him going home looking for it. It was actually in my handbag but I just didn't see the benefit of him counting it as if already counted 3 times!

He then went on saying it's weird that I wouldn't let him and 'something strange is going on'. Almost implying that I was trying to frame him.

I'm so bloody angry.

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aaaaargghhhhelpme · 30/09/2017 14:04

He's playing games with your head. Trying to make you doubt yourself. Bloody putting it on you - as if you're the one with something to hide

Sorry op. It doesn't look good

Pickleypickles · 30/09/2017 14:06

If £500 is missing and DH swears it wasnt him, tell him you are going to call the police as you have clearly been robbed, hopefully that will oust he truth from him

PragmaticWench · 30/09/2017 14:06

Tell him that you have no choice but to call the police.

He is behaving EXACTLY like a addict and that includes the lying, stealing, denial and crying.

Beenconned · 30/09/2017 14:09

Telling him I'll call the police is a great idea. Thanks!

He lives the life of bloody Riley, honestly has everything he could wish for because I work hard - he does fuck all. He has a nice car, doesn't need to work, gets to spend lots of quality time with the kids - and he repays me by stealing from me - again!

OP posts:

SonicBoomBoom · 30/09/2017 14:09

You don't need proof, you already know it was him.

Tell him you are going to call the police.

Beenconned · 30/09/2017 14:09

Thank god we aren't married!!

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 30/09/2017 14:10

He's crying because he's been caught but knows he can't admit it.

He's lying to you.

You have all the proof you need: the money is gone and he is the only person who could have taken it.

You already know why he took it: he's an addict who gambles.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/09/2017 14:10

Either make sure he has absolutely no way of accessing your money, or throw him out. Addicts steal, lie, and then start boohooing when called on it.

SonicBoomBoom · 30/09/2017 14:10

he does fuck all. He has a nice car, doesn't need to work, gets to spend lots of quality time with the kids

Why doesn't he work?

AlternativeTentacle · 30/09/2017 14:11

That's ok, tell him that you need to call the police as if it isn't him then there has been a theft.

ReanimatedSGB · 30/09/2017 14:12

Also: why are you financially supporting this tosser in the first place? is he that good a shag?

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AlternativeTentacle · 30/09/2017 14:12

Cross posted, but yes you do need to do this - whilst looking straight at him.

Beenconned · 30/09/2017 14:16

He doesn't work because he was supposed to be helping me with the sales side of things with my business. It never materialised though, and during the time our children are at nursery he arses around doing grocery shopping, a bit of housework, or whatever else he can waste his time on without doing anything constructive.

To be honest I'm not happy in the relationship at all and have wanted to end it for a long time. However he always manages to talk me round. Now this has happened there's no way I'll be forgiving him.

OP posts:

Beenconned · 30/09/2017 14:17

No he's not a good shag at all!!

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