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No my house is not Downton Abbey and you are taking the piss!

(195 Posts)
Cubanito Sat 30-Sep-17 10:57:31

A friend of mine is moving overseas for 2 years on Monday. She is following her DH due to his job relocation. She's not thrilled about it because she has had to give up her job, but the money was too good to turn down. Her DH has already gone a couple of weeks back and she has been organising getting things shipped out and the house ready for rental. Since yesterday she has been staying with us with her 5 year old son. I was happy to help her out.

Yesterday I picked up her son (7) from school before getting my own 7 year old from her school. My friend was supervising cleaners etc in her house. He son is not really one for boundaries e.g. he just opens cupboards in our house and helps himself to biscuits. Anyway, my friend came back at 6.30, DH also came home a bit early and I made lasagne for everyone (we have 3 DC). Apparently her son only eats pesto pasta so I made that for him. Then he was refusing to sit at the table and wanted to eat in the living room to watch TV. My friend said (loudly), "No you can't eat in the living room at Downton Abbey." hmm Anyway, I let it go but then she let him run off upstairs and not eat anything. DH was hmm but said nothing. I found it very rude tbh. Then she was drinking wine while I was clearing up. If it was the other way round, I would have helped. At 9pm she asked if her son could could have toast.

There were shenanigans in the night because her son was up at 4.30, downstairs with the TV on. I get that he might be unsettled by the move. I took him back bed (sharing with my DS who is 9), but he got up again so I left him to it. This morning he appeared to have eaten most of a box of Cherrios (dry) and made a mess in the sofa. My kids are not allowed to eat in the living room.

I made a cooked breakfast for everyone which we ate while her son was in the back garden, kicking bushes. DH was not looking massively impressed but said nothing. At about 10am, my friend left to go and finish off at her house. As she was leaving she said this to her son - "Be good today because you're going to the museum with Don Draper" (DH has offered to take the kids to the Science Museum). I asked her what she meant and she said I really should watch Netflix (she always takes the piss that I don't know who is who on TV). So I googled this name and it's a character from a show about an office and who has serial affairs with all the women in the office! What the hell does she mean by that?

I feel like she lets her son run riot and she is taking the piss out of me in my own home. I'm doing dinner for mutual friends tonight as a kind of "farewell", but I kind of feel as if I'm fuming. AIBU or should I just let it go as she's at a tricky time with the move?

Cubanito Sat 30-Sep-17 10:59:01

Sorry her son is 7, not 5!

WizardOfToss Sat 30-Sep-17 11:04:38

Blimey. She sounds deeply unpleasant.
You could call her on it, assertively, or you could put up with it in the knowledge that she'll be out of your life soon - I think that's perfectly legitimate. Just make the choice though, rather than passively do nothing. Good luck!

Changednamejustincase Sat 30-Sep-17 11:06:48

The Downton Abbey and Don Draper comments are encouraging her son to mock you all and disrespect you. He probably doesn't get them though as it is unlikely he watches those shows. But it isn't good that she is mocking you whilst benefitting from your hospitality. I'd suck it up and not bother continuing the friendship after she leaves. I wouldn't like living in the atmosphere if I confronted her about it and I wouldn't ask them to leave. If she mentions Downton Abbey again I would say "well, if you don't like it you don't have to stay". That might give her the message.

Lesley1980 Sat 30-Sep-17 11:07:05

I'd just ask her exactly what she means. Either her family have little in jokes about you guys or she is making digs for your benefit. I can guess what each remark could mean but equally not knowing your relationship or her sense of humour it could be innocent. Only you know the answer.

JonSnowsWife Sat 30-Sep-17 11:09:04

Sorry but the downton abbey bit made me chuckle! grin

We once had a friend who thought it was okay to tell my autistic DS off in my presence for trivial things whilst her own DC was allowed to run riot. hmm. She moved with work so we thankfully dont see much of them now.

YNBU at all. You've done a kind thing for them and they've returned the favour by leaving you fuming by having very little respect for you or your home.
I'd try and let it go for today at least so you can enjoy your evening with your other friends, otherwise if you have it out with her today you're going to spend even more time fuming over her failing to recognise where there is a problem. Which means tonight's dinner will be spoilt too.

MuncheysMummy Sat 30-Sep-17 11:09:08

This is so rude it's hilarious! She's massively (nastily) taking the piss out of your entire family and you are letting her and providing free childcare and full board! At what point will you wake up and kick them out?? For me it would've been at he Downton Abbey comment but I fear you never will and she knows it!

cupofcake Sat 30-Sep-17 11:09:55

I think I'd let it pass and count the hours. She sounds horrible and you sound like a very caring and considerate friend.

Cubanito Sat 30-Sep-17 11:10:21

I have never suspected DH of having an affair, I've never spoken to her about affairs and even if he was having an affair she wouldn't know because she has nothing to do with him. So god knows what that is about.

Acidophilus Sat 30-Sep-17 11:11:55

She's horrible. Pick her up on the Downton Abbey and Don draper comments. They are downright rude.

Fwiw I doubt she was using Don draper to insinuate affairs. He was a very strict and distant dad who had old fashioned ideas of fatherhood so it was probably that. Still v nasty though.

allthegoodusernameshavegone Sat 30-Sep-17 11:12:14

She's an arsehole

JonSnowsWife Sat 30-Sep-17 11:14:29

Had to read that don draper bit a few times before I clicked what she meant.

She obviously thinks your DH is up to something, or possibly just trying to wind you up to sit worrying about whether he is or not. In other words shes jealous. Just ignore the jibes. She sounds childish and bitchy.

TheFaerieQueene Sat 30-Sep-17 11:14:53

It sounds like she is projecting OP. Perhaps things aren’t all they seem in her marriage.

llangennith Sat 30-Sep-17 11:14:53

Horrible woman! How long till you're rid of her?

Cubanito Sat 30-Sep-17 11:15:17

Also she left work some weeks back and she's been going on and on about how her days are pointless and she's already hacked off and feeling a drudge. That in itself could be construed as rude to me because I am a SAHM! But I can't be bothered to get offended because she's not me. I just told her that your time is what you make it.

wildbhoysmama Sat 30-Sep-17 11:16:41

Maybe it's because your DH looks like Don Draper? My God, I hope he does as he's ridiculously delicious. I am a sad individual though, because my life is far poorer since losing Mad Men and Don Draper from my life ( I often consider watching it from episode one right through again just for my Don quota).

aaaaargghhhhelpme Sat 30-Sep-17 11:18:04

She's just nasty. Who the hell asks a massive favour of a friend (coming to stay with a child) then takes the fucking piss?

If you can get rid I would. And cut off ties. And block her. And possibly burn any momentos. I may be going slightly overboard...but you get the idea.

Butterymuffin Sat 30-Sep-17 11:18:42

I'd go with it and say later 'is your son going to come and eat at the Downton Abbey dinner table, or does he have to be banished to the stables to eat from a trough?'

Actually that's probably not the grown up thing to do. I would start telling her son directly not to do things you don't like though and if she objects say 'these are my house rules, it's easier if he knows the score. If you want to take him somewhere else, I understand'.

TrueSojourner Sat 30-Sep-17 11:18:42

If you have any self respect, I would not let it pass. I will pull her up on it immediately, ‘I have researched Don Draper character, and seen that he xxxxxx, could you explain why you called DH this? Flip this around and imagine this is your DH’s friend who called you a nickname after an unsavoury character, and DH just sucks it up.

Then Issue her a polite invitation to leave.

wildbhoysmama Sat 30-Sep-17 11:18:58

I don't mean he's delicious because he's a womanizer or a distant father, just because he's so, bloody handsome!

DO3271 Sat 30-Sep-17 11:19:52

OP she is taking the piss and there is zero reason why you should ride it out blah blah blah

She is insulting your husband and upsetting your kids by letting her child break your house rules. Sack off the meal or do a Dr Foster and confront her with it all in company while looking gorgeous and sipping wine

CountFosco Sat 30-Sep-17 11:25:05

She sounds like she's finding the whole situation a bit stressful and is making stupid not very funny comments as a coping mechanism. I'd have rolled my eyes about Downton Abbey. FWIW I doubt she's insinuating your DH is having affairs in the context. Either she thinks he's good looking or it's a comment on his parenting (which can safely be ignored).

Bluerose27 Sat 30-Sep-17 11:25:33

When you said Don Draper I immediately thought tall dark handsome and sexy. So I wouldn't take it as a remark about his faithfulness. (Lucky you if he's a DD lookalike!)

That said, she is being rude.

Thank god she's going on Monday to a different country!! Hurray!!

Auburn2001 Sat 30-Sep-17 11:25:55

I'd be really pissed off too and would question whether the friendship had any future. I think she wants to be queen of Downton Abbey herself and is projecting her insecurity onto you.
The Don Draper reference is probably more to do with your DH not being impressed by her son's kicking bushes. Don't let it get to you.

happypoobum Sat 30-Sep-17 11:27:08

At least the cowbag will be gone soon.

I would have read the Don Draper comment as your DH being very polished and handsome - does he work in advertising? Or it could be a barb at you - in that he is Don because you are Betty Draper? Very polished and beautiful?

She sounds really bloody jealous of you OP and IME very jealous friends = frenemies. I would distance myself after this.

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