Please help with adult daughter. So so long, sorry :-(

TimeToTakeAStand · 2017-09-26 10:17:19

NC for this as it is unbelievably identifying. Also posted in aibu for traffic as this has to be dealt with asap and I'm out of ideas sorry in advance to the thread police and thank you to anyone who can help. Dd (20 today) has become a nightmare. I need to stand up for our family and I'm out of ideas and energy. Does anyone have any ideas? Dd had a baby at 18. At 19 her partner got sick of her demanding ways and left. Dd then decided she would stop doing anything at all and just party. Her mental health was shot and she told friends she'd taken an overdose. I was called to collect dgd. When I took her back after dd was out of hospital the house was so bad dgd (who was walking by now) had to stay in the high chair. There was no floor in the whole flat. Ss became involved, dd wanted to mend her ways so dgd came to live with me for a month. Ss provided help with cleaning, counselling, mental health team, benefits advice... you name it. 6 months later dgd was still with us. Nothing changed, more mess, drinking, drugs and suicide attempts (most of which she wasn't taken in for, never mind treated as they weren't at all serious - think 1 strip of paracetamol). No mental health conditions have been diagnosed, her mental health worker has confirmed the problems are most likely result of drug and alcohol misuse. She was offered rehab but, like everything else, wouldn't turn up for appts - even when her mental health worker would be there to drive her to them. Her anger issues worsened to the point even her friends (most of whom I've known since nursery) have started calling the police rather than me. FF to now, dgd lives with paternal grandfather, legally and permanently. Dd and her ex have supervised access. Dd has her here once a week. The problem is the way dd treats my family and home. Honestly she behaves like an entitled, lazy bully - and it kills me to write that. She arrives the day before contact and leaves the day after usually so is here all weekend. She won't so much as take out her own plate. She has actual tantrums abd becomes aggressive if asked to take a turn washing the pots (the same as the younger children have to). She expects to be driven everywhere, provided with food and tobacco. Sits on the sofa permanently watching Netflix and has more tantrums and aggression if someone else wants to watch tv (yesterday I genuinely thought she was going to punch my 13yo). We are forever being told how the younger dc get more than she did when she was that age and it's not fair etc etc. A recent example of the level of entitled we have got to was when a benefit advisor had worked out that he could get her housing reinstated (She is losing the flat due to arrears because she didn't fill in a form) all she had to do was walk 1/2 a mile to.his office to help him write a letter. She didn't go because "She told him she sleeps a lot and he should have rung her to make sure she was up in time to get to the [2.30pm] appt". Basically, my home.and life are being taken over by an adult child. The lives of my younger children are being made awful and anything I say is met with aggression. I cannot leave my house when she is here because I don't, fully, trust her not to attack one of the children. She really does seem that unstable. However I can't cut contact or she will no longer have contact with dgd, no one else is willing to supervise. Wtf do I do?

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This thread has been deleted

The OP has some privacy concerns about this thread and so we've agreed to take it down.

The OP has asked us to pass on a huge thanks in response to the wave of supportive posts.