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AIBU that online dating is just a tool to use women

(44 Posts)
Confused009 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:14:57

To think men use online dating as a sweatshop and women in their 30s are q target as they feel hey her bio clock is ticking and she is broody and desperate so will be easy to get a date!

I mean what my friends and I have gone through with men who we actually wouldn't look twice at if meeting in RL and not online.

Confused009 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:15:21

Sorry sweetshop

Shoxfordian Tue 26-Sep-17 08:20:12

There certainly can be some idiots online but also some good ones; I met my partner online in April 2016 and we just moved in together so don't give up all hope smile

MargaretTwatyer Tue 26-Sep-17 08:21:13

Aren't a huge proportion just married men looking for a shag? There seem to be a lot of nutters out there both male and female involved in internet dating, seems to attract them. I have heard horror stories from men and women. With women it tends to be men using women for sex as you say, for men it seems to be a high proportion of batshit mental women.

I wouldn't use it.

AccrualIntentions Tue 26-Sep-17 08:21:34

with men who we actually wouldn't look twice at if meeting in RL and not online.

If you wouldn't look at them twice in RL why are you bothering with them online?

greentea4me Tue 26-Sep-17 08:24:04

Yes, it's usually men looking for no strings sex and people who are quite socially inept which is why they don't find someone IRL.

user1490465531 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:25:40

Sadly when you get to a certain age it's a lot harder to meet people in a more natural way as most are already in relationships.
And I think the bit about most 30s women desparate to find someone to make babies is a bit if a sweeping generalisation.

RunningOutOfCharge Tue 26-Sep-17 08:27:44

What do you mean ‘wouldn’t look at twice’?

Bit shallow isn’t it? Bit like the men you are moaning about.

user1490465531 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:28:31

Greentea I can assure you lots of people who use OLD are far from socially inept it's just easier to meet someone this way depending on your circumstances.
Quite a nasty things to say.

firsttimerhelp Tue 26-Sep-17 08:31:18

Not at all! In my online dating days I went on dates with quite a few men. All very polite, respectful and intelligent. You can weed out the bad eggs very early on- mainly by the content of their photos or a bland/disrespectful opening line. I used apps like Tinder and found them much better than the ones you pay for like match.(Didn't work out with any of them as I fell in love wit my best friend and we are now together but I met a lot of lovely people).

Smeaton Tue 26-Sep-17 08:34:25

There's plenty I perfectly normal people using OLD.
You have to keep boundaries intact, eyes open and flex that common sense muscle whenever taking the plunge.

If you don't want to be used, one of the beat ways to avoid it is to enjoy dating for an extended period before sleeping with someone. It doesn't guarantee they won't disappear though.
Don't agree to meet anyone you're not sure about. If there's a hint of red flag then tell them no.

Osolea Tue 26-Sep-17 08:35:45

There are plenty of online dating disasters, but I don't think we can purely blame men for that. It's an equal thing, men can't date women that aren't putting themselves out there and vice versa. Of course there will be men looking for no strings attached sex, just as there will be women looking for the same thing, and there will be women looking because they want a family just as some men will be.

demirose87 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:36:45

I met my partner online after 2 and a half years of being on the site. Had a few dates, but there was always something off about them, such as married, over invested too early, etc and the amount of strange/ dirty messages I got off other men was out of control. Genuine men looking to date who were " normal" seemed in short supply. So I think the key is to go in with eyes open and be very wary.

demirose87 Tue 26-Sep-17 08:36:48

I met my partner online after 2 and a half years of being on the site. Had a few dates, but there was always something off about them, such as married, over invested too early, etc and the amount of strange/ dirty messages I got off other men was out of control. Genuine men looking to date who were " normal" seemed in short supply. So I think the key is to go in with eyes open and be very wary.

AccrualIntentions Tue 26-Sep-17 08:37:30

My single friends in their 30s have been having some good results from Bumble - the woman has to make the first approach so it seems to deter some of the dick pic crowd.

OllyBJolly Tue 26-Sep-17 08:39:26

Met DH online, been together 12 years, married for four.

I found it a really convenient way to meet people. What's the alternative for busy, working, single parents with no time to hang out in bars or pursue lots of hobbies? I met lots of nice guys but wasn't looking for a LTR. Most of them were.

Dulra Tue 26-Sep-17 08:41:49

Me and my friends had a discussion about this recently. A few of us (including me) are married years so have never used online dating and a few do use it. The conversation was to try and help one of our mates who is so against online dating but really struggling to meet anyone in the traditional way. The advice given was mainly to be really really picky decide what you like and stick with that when looking. Also to go for the sites that you pay a membership for because you are more likely to meet genuine people.

The whole conversation baffled me and everything seems so much more complicated then it used to be but if everyone is using this method to meet people I don't think you have much choice. You just need to be savvy and know how to pick out the slime balls from the genuine people.

makeourfuture Tue 26-Sep-17 08:44:25

The internet is not evil.

HolidayTimeAgain Tue 26-Sep-17 08:46:02

Met my DH OLD when I was 36!!! We've been married for 13 years.

BitOutOfPractice Tue 26-Sep-17 08:46:59

I met my dp online. And I met several other nice blokes too. And a few nightmares too.

From what dp says, many of the women doing OLD are awful too. Just as horrible. So it’s not all one sided.

Of course most men and women online are genuine. Just like real life. I’ve met my fair share of arseholes in bars

TheRealBiscuitAddict Tue 26-Sep-17 08:48:30

I think that there's very much the same number on both sides looking to do the same thing. It's like eBay for singles.

Also, the rules of dating have changed now. It used to be that if you were dating someone you would see them exclusively until you decided it just wasn't going to work out, now people date four or five people at a time until they decide which one they want to be with and then they just ghost the rest. Anyone who is used to being texted regularly is considered needy and demanding if they haven't heard from the person they've been hearing from everyday.

All basic decency and expectation of basic decency has gone out of the window.

I'd never do it.

Lobsterquadrille2 Tue 26-Sep-17 09:01:30

I've had three longish term relationships in the 10 years I've been using OLD. As a PP said, if you work full time and are a completely sole parent, it's the most practical option out there. I didn't mean anyone sleazy or (as far as I know) married, just people that I didn't click with - but have also made friends along the way with others, even though there was no romantic connection.

Lobsterquadrille2 Tue 26-Sep-17 09:01:53

Meet not mean.

Oysterbabe Tue 26-Sep-17 09:04:07

I met my husband on Match and am expecting our second child. People can only use you if you let them.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Tue 26-Sep-17 09:04:58

Deperate women take desperate measures.

Very tongue in cheek, from what I've observed of forums, a quick knee trembler up the wall of a pub seems to do the trick. Beer goggles take no prisoners.

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