Old friends and invites

[frillyflower]

I have 2 friends I have known since school and we have now been close friends for over 30 years. Our children have grown up together. We have shared lots of holidays. I would say they are my closest friends.
They live in the same town as each other but I am about an hours drive away.
2 or 3 years ago we went for a weekend break together and it turned out to be not so nice (too much wine, stupid discussion at dinner turned into an argument (one of the friends and my husband), some bad feeling on both sides the next day, me kind of in the middle).
I've seen them since then on my own, and it's fine. One of them has stayed at our house and it was lovely.
However they now go away together on holidays and they never ask me. In fact they never invite me anywhere. If I invite them, one of them always cries off.
I know it's because of the thing with my husband, but honestly it was nothing really.
I don't know what to do about it. Nothing I suppose, but I'm very upset by it.
I find it very hurtful that they'll text me etc. but never include me in their plans any more. It's not even my fault! I didn't argue with anyone!

[PovertyJetset]

Could you talk to them about it?

Or could you start making more substantial
Plans with the other couple and leave out fighty couple? Divide and conquer like they have done?

[frillyflower]

I tried talking to one of them about it, and she said 'oh just invite the other couple over to yours' which I did (they finally said yes but then dropped out at last minute).
So it turns out that I can socialise with one of the couples but not the other and so of course we can never see each other all together any more which is super sad.
DH just says that they just don't like him and he's sorry about that but there it is. When I said 'but they are my best friends' he replied 'all my best friends are dead so you're better off than me'. Sympathetic!
He thinks they are ridiculous and I shouldn't care about it but I do.
He doesn't like it if I go away without him so I can't even really go and see them.

[FittonTower]

I don't see my friends as "couples" often. Generally it's just us girls especially since the children started arriving. Sounds like your husband doesn't really want to see them and they don't want to see him much either so why not just see your friends?
And if your husband doesn't like you going away without him he might have to learn to cope without you for a day or two occasionally. Don't lose good friends because your husband upset them, you'll regret it.

[Fishface77]

There's an issue with your DH.
Is he deliberately trying to cut you off from them?

[BenLui]

Your issue is your DH by the sounds of it.

Did he apologise after the argument? Did he try to make amends?

The other women’s behaviour doesn’t sound like they thought it was an argument about “nothing”.

He “doesn’t like it” if you go away without him? . So?

[expatinscotland]

He's trying to cut you off from them.

'When I said 'but they are my best friends' he replied 'all my best friends are dead so you're better off than me'. Sympathetic!'

What a shit thing to say.

'He doesn't like it if I go away without him so I can't even really go and see them.'

Yes, you can. He's not a gaoler.

He's controlling, he wants them gone and he deliberately acted like a twat to upset them.

[SloeSloeQuickQuickGin]

What was the arguement about? That would shed more light on the situation. If it's too specific then dont bother. but wha it something like differing opinions on politics? Brexit? Some casual racism or something?

When you referred to we did you mean you and your friends or three couples. I'm assuming its couples, and for whatever reason, your DH must hold a pretty radical opinon on something for them to exclude you also.

[EllaHen]

Go away for girls' weekends. I wouldn't fancy going away with a man I'd had an argument with either.

It really is healthy to have time away from your spouse. My dh encourages me to go away with my friends. I couldn't be doing with a man joined to my hip.

[frillyflower]

I don't think so. But my one friend is a bit bossy and he can't stand being bossed about so he never fits in with what everyone else is doing (I like a quiet life so just go along with her and also I am conscious it's her holiday too).
I just feel really sad that I can't go away with them anymore. Stupid I know.

[FindTheLightSwitchDarren]

Can you organise something without OHs present? Just you and your friends?

I know a couple where the man is pretty horrible, especially after a drink. I now refuse to go to anything where he will be there. Not saying this is the case with your DH, but maybe the argument has put your friend off socialising with your DH.

[frillyflower]

The argument was a silly thing. not about politics or racism or anything just about the best way to give to charity. I doubt anyone even remembered the details the next day. I think the problem was everyone was squiffy so people didn't back down and my one friend got v upset which she does if she gets drunk.

[frillyflower]

Yeah I guess the other thing is it's impossible to do something just the 3 women together as one friend won't do anything without her husband.
Now I type it it all seems mad.
I just can't help feeling sad though as I've known them so long.

[FenceSitter01]

Very sad. Have you tried talking to your friend? Or have you tried asking the other couple away?

[frillyflower]

Yes I've tried both. I thought they would come but they didn't at the last moment. I guess I'll give up.
There's no point flogging a dead horse.
If they thought about it they might realise that it was not of my doing.
I just have to get used to it. I suppose things move on and if I don't think about it I won't be disappointed.