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Posting for traffic. WWYD?

(22 Posts)
sosoverytired Mon 25-Sep-17 14:17:53

I have an estranged older half sibling. There has been a death in the family (grandparent) and I have certain photos that are meant for them.
The parent we have in common doesn't want them contacting.

Do I? Or don't I?

Sirzy Mon 25-Sep-17 14:19:10

If you know an address I would just post them too them.

Unless you want contact with them of course then you can make further contact if you wish.

sosoverytired Mon 25-Sep-17 14:20:21

I don't want them destroying so would rather be sure they'd keep them. However no, no address.

sosoverytired Mon 25-Sep-17 14:22:27

Not destroyed. "Used". Could be used negatively and don't want that dragging up. So would need to be sure they wouldn't be used.
Can't say more as outing.

MonkeyJumping Mon 25-Sep-17 14:23:31

Text or email the sibling saying you have these photos and if they provide an address by x date you will post them; otherwise you will assume they are not wanted.

If they reply, make copies then send the photos.

If not, keep the photos with a clear conscience.

If you're reall worries about long term contact you could use a new phone with a cheap pay as you go sim.

MonkeyJumping Mon 25-Sep-17 14:24:10

Ah cross post.

I'm not sure how you could prevent them being used. In that case I suppose you'll just have to keep them.

sosoverytired Mon 25-Sep-17 14:25:42

That's my moral dilema. I want to keep them so I know they are never used. But feel guilt knowing they aren't even aware of the death or the existence of items

Anecdoche Mon 25-Sep-17 14:34:34

Were they willed to them? If so, it really isn't your right to decide they can't, in fact, have them. They belong to them. And you have to give them.

If they weren't willed to them then are they in fact your property to give or withhold as you see fit?

If you give them, then you give them accepting that you have zero control after that point.

So I guess the first question is - who do they legally belong to?

Rugratwrangler Mon 25-Sep-17 14:34:50

Tricky situation. How certain are you that it would cause a nightmare? Some things are better left unknown. Not quite the same situation, but my uncle was adopted, my nan never wanted him to find out, and he still doesn't know. In fact, nobody was ever meant to know, but due to certain events some of us found out. There have been other adoptions but I can't be certain who. But, my uncle would be devastated to find out he was adopted, he is quite ill, so although he probably does have a right to know where he came from, the truth would probably cause more of a mess than is worth it.

My point is, weigh up how bad a mess it would make if you send the photos. Do they know about the photos? If not, you could always let them know their grandparent has passed, and leave it at that

sosoverytired Mon 25-Sep-17 14:38:54

I would cause a MAJOR issue and attention I don't want on any of our children. Sorry can't elaborate as very outing. Not sure if willed as it's not yet been read.
I may just inform them of death and leave it. Unless when will read they are included of course.

Glumglowworm Mon 25-Sep-17 14:39:09

If you have contact details for them, send a brief message that you have photos meant for them and can they give you an address to send them to. If you haven't heard by x date you will assume they don't want them

Not sure what you mean by not wanting them used, and I appreciate you may not want to elaborate on here. But if they're intended for your sibling, I don't think you have a right to dictate whether they're used or not

Anecdoche Mon 25-Sep-17 14:39:43

Maybe do nothing until the will is read.

If they aren't even mentioned then you don't need to contact them at all.

Rugratwrangler Mon 25-Sep-17 14:41:12

If they are in the will then you have no choice. Whatever happens after that will not be on you

sosoverytired Mon 25-Sep-17 14:42:14

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. Will consider informing of death. Then await the will.

RubyWho Mon 25-Sep-17 14:42:27

I would contact the sibling, explaining what's happened (are they aware of the bereavement?), and that you have some items to be passed onto them. With the best will in the world, this is not your parent-in-common's call to make. Sorry for your loss.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption Mon 25-Sep-17 14:47:47

Honestly? I'd keep my gob shut and hang onto the photos until someone asked me for them. You're going to feel guilty one way or the other, you might as well protect living family members (yourself included) from the risk of publication. I'd inform them of the death and that's it. Are wills even "read" these days? Would they be expecting anything?

DiscoDiva70 Mon 25-Sep-17 14:56:34

How could these photos be used?
Was your grandparent in the public eye?

DiscoDiva70 Tue 26-Sep-17 05:53:11

.

mailfuckoff Tue 26-Sep-17 06:14:28

I have enstranged siblings. I would want to know. I found out some relatives had died through reading the paper, that hurt.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys Tue 26-Sep-17 07:05:38

In what way are the photos "meant for them" to have if not willed?

Whocansay Tue 26-Sep-17 07:12:26

I would treat this as a business transaction. At the moment you are withholding property that belongs to your sibling (at least morally if the Will doesn't stipulate it). I would go with the wishes of the dead person. To keep it just seems spiteful.

emmyrose2000 Wed 27-Sep-17 04:54:29

What do you mean by the photos could be "used"?

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